Don't know where I stand with my own bf!!!

[needafriend]

Hi all,

 

This has been eating away at me for a good month or so... I have absolutely no idea what my bf wants!!!

 

It is the most frustrating situation to be in, it reduces me to tears on a regular basis... and am in need of some advice.

 

He says that he loves me, but most of the time i have to pry it out of him (we have been together for 6 mnths), but I don't feel emotionally close to him... he isn't an emotional person and doesnt like talking about feelings at all!

 

Its just getting really hard to take because I can't talk to him about my feelings he just closes up and i end up crying out of frustration. Its like im screaming out for his affections and im talking to a brick wall.

 

I don't know what to do, as I don't know if he actually cares!

 

Any advice?

[DN]

What else do you want to know other than he loves you and how many times does he have to say it before you believe him?

[dzadze]

I love you is just a 3 letter world. He can say he loves you a million times, but it doesn't necessary has any meaning.

 

I dont know what type of boy friend he is, but some guys just sweet talk, or say I love you with no meanings. It has become an everday common word.

 

I kinda feel bad I don't like say I love my ex enough. I really do love her with all my heart, now I want to say it a billion times....

 

 

Good Luck!!!!

[needafriend]

Dn, because the majority of the time his actions don't match up with his words. This is the cause of my worries - and it makes me insecure in what we have.

 

I know that sometimes his actions of love may not be perceived as that by me... but his heart seems so closed off to me. I feel as if Im putting in all of the effort and he is just coasting along taking it all in.

 

I really am trying to understand him and love him for who he is, but his actions at times make me think that I am completely unimportant to him.

 

I feel as if I just walked away... he would hardly notice and it breaks my heart.

[Amannamederic]

if a guy is quiet and non-emotional, every time he says i love you is something extremely special.

[DN]

if a guy is quiet and non-emotional, every time he says i love you is something extremely special.

 

I agree.

 

It's hard to advise you because you don't say what his actions are - or what yours are. Are you pushing too hard? Is he not responsive? Are you too demanding too early?

 

So - decide what you want - and figure out how to get it from him.

 

I will pm you some advice I gave someone once about how to communicate with a partner. Take anything that makes sense to you and see if it works.

[needafriend]

Thanks DN.

 

I think I have been ushing too hard lately, and he is pulling away. Actions like he would rather stay home and watch tv than come and see me, he doesnt call or text me that much... but that has never been the case (that is just what he is like) and treating seeing me and doing anything with me as a chore. It seems that Im the only one that gets excited to see him when I havent for 3-4 days.

 

Pushing too hard is probably the case - who wants to see someone that is constantly pressuring you!!!! But I am crying out for his attention and it is just coming out in a very emotional way because I feel neglected.

 

I have tried to communicate with him on this - much like your PM - but now its just getting so frustrating and Im acting like a whinging whiney b*tch. I don't want to be like that - but its seems like its the only way he notices me. Im aware that this isn't all his fault - in fact it is mostly mine! I just don't know how to make it better and get some of ME back!

[needafriend]

Also, I always find myself apologising after I have tried to express my feelings because he does get angry (probably due to feeling attacked - not deliberate) because I get afraid that I am going to lose him. This is silly because I am just trying to communicate... its just seems so hard with him.

 

BTW, Im his first real girlfriend...

[Msnak]

If you're his first real girlfriend, maybe he finds you--or his feelings for you--overwhelming. You may have to go against your previous actions and instead of sort of pestering him, lay low and make him seek you a bit. Not to make it a game of taking turns, but just to see his reaction.

 

Or try expressing your affection for him in a different way, if not verbally, just do nice things for him, listen to him talk, send him a card, or electronic card or buy a gift for no reason.

 

Some guys do this for women and I wonder if enough women do this for guys.

[annie24]

Hi - for whatever reason, I too find myself dating emotionally closed off men. It sucks. I think that there's something within us that attracts these men to us. I don't quite know why, but I know that there are no coincidences when it comes to choosing partners.

 

Maybe you two just aren't compatible - if you need him to be lovey-dovey, and he is a much more reserved person, maybe this isn't the right guy for you. If a relationship is constantly reducing you to tears, this is maybe a sign that you two aren't right for each other.

 

Think about it - life is filled with so much pain: death, cancer, taxes, work, etc. A relationship should make you happier! Not make you feel worse.

 

good luck!

[needafriend]

Thanks guys... your advice is golden.

 

Why do our hearts decide who we love and not our heads!

Logical thinking is to fall in love with somone that will make us the happiest we have ever been... yeah right!!!!

 

Cheers!

[BitterRose]

You are just going through what I went through. I remember my bf was like that when we first go out. My bf is a very insensitive and emotionless person. Well, he is not totally emotionless rather doesn't express his feelings. It used to be hard for me and there were times I cried and begged him to show me some affections. He doesn't call me, e is not clingy to me, he doesn't always send me home, he doesn't give me surprises, plus all the other romantic things other boyfriends would do for their love ones.

 

And you are obsolutely right. I find myself not deciding things with my head when it comes to love. I always give in and think I'm guilty for starting the fight with my bf even when I have every right reason to get mad. My other weakness is being too forgiving. image removed

[needafriend]

You hit the nail right on the head!

 

I rememeber once, a guy texted me (someone I had a brief fling with like 100 years ago!) and my BF got jealous!

 

I literally fell off the couch... i was so shocked that i actually got a reaction out of him... I thought "Oh my god, he actually gives a sh*t!".

Quite frankly I could really speak for about an hour out of complete shock.

 

I wish i could control my emotions like him...

[Markers]

I'm a bit in hurry here so didn't read all the advice before me, so I might be repeating something..

 

anyway, maybe he doesn't want to talk about feelings. However, he should show it other ways then. Like when he looks at you, can't you just see it? Wouldn't it be enough? Also he has said he loves you.. won't you believe it?

 

If he really is cold and doesn't seem to care. Tell him you want attention. If that doesn't work, you and him don't work together. Then you look for different things than him, resulting in that you guys can't be together.

 

But maybe he just hasn't realized what you want?