Ex wants to see me -- advice for me!

[nataliejulie]

My ex wants to see me. This will be the first time in seven weeks that I've seen him since our break up.

 

Here's my question: WHAT DO I DO AND WHAT DO I NOT DO?

 

Especially the big question...............

Do I sleep with him if he wants to ? Do I even kiss him if he wants to kiss me?! Help! I don't wanna mess it up!

[ReadyorNot]

Ummm.... well I surely wouldnt sleep with him!!!!!

As far as those kinds of things I would say just hug him....

 

Dont start going on about whether or not you can get back together...

 

Be Cool and act like a friend. Dont show him you are upset or tell him if you have just been a depressed bum since you broke up.

[nataliejulie]

I defintely wont talk about getting together unless he brings it up. And I won't be a mess! I'm just afraid........... that say, we have a wonderful night and we go back to his place and he wants to kiss me, or anything of the sort...... I'm very worried what to do.

[annie24]

I take it from your post that he broke it off and you want to get back with him? Well, like ReadyorNot said, play it cool. NO SEX! Go it? And, no kissing either. Maybe you can accept a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.

 

No "relationship talk" or "let's get back together" unless HE initiates it. Act like a friend. But, look as good as you can! Makeup, mini-skirt, nice hair, the whole 9 yards. Make him suffer.

 

And I know this from experience. Just because he's calling you doesn't mean that he wants to get back. He may just be feeling lonely and wants some action. And I know how you feel, "well, I'd like some action myself." But, chances are if you like this guy, and he's getting sex without strings attached, he's just going to call you whenever he feels like it, and then toss you out when he's done with you.

 

If you really like him and really want to get back together, make sure that you are in a relationship for real before you get physical. Don't let yourself get hurt., and don't just fall into a "friends with benefits" situation when what you really want is a relationship.

 

Good luck! Tell us how it goes.

[annie24]

Yeah, don't go back to his place, or have too much to drink. Treat this like it's your first date with him, even if it is the 50th. If he likes you, he can ask you out again another day.

[capricornprncess]

well nataliejulie, take it one step at a time as i always say "your making a storm in a glass of water", dont overthink it..if it comes naturally, then it comes naturally, but dont sleep with him tho, if everything goes well and u guys kiss then great!! but dont sleep with him, u'll be making it too easy for him, one question tho, were u the dumper or the dumpee? if u were the dumpee, make him work for it!! good luck, and keep us posted

[nataliejulie]

I just want to let everyone know that this guy isn't a bs'er. He's a very honest individual. I respect that about him. I've respected his honesty during the breakup and after. I know that every guy wants a little action, but take it for me.. this guy is no joke. He really is a gentlemen. He didn't even try to make a physical move on me on our first date. He even wanted to wait to sleep with me!!! He's even made it clear to me previously that if we see each other, he will cave in, want me back, want to hold me, want to feel me again, kiss me, etc.

 

It's just very scary to think about what could happen between us.

 

p.s- I was the dumpee.

[annie24]

Well, that's why you have to be strong! Meet him over lunch or dinner. Don't go back to his place! Make him work to get you back! If you give it up so easily, he'll see no reason to get back into a relationship with you if he sees he can have you in 10 minutes. All guys know how to be gentlemen, but they can be dogs too! I know, because I was in a similar situation to yours a few years ago. I really sabotaged things by letting them get physical without an official relationship. Thus, my "nice gentleman" would contact me when he was lonely. Guess who got hurt? That's right, me.

 

I just don't want to see you go through the same thing. Better to hold off of physical-ness for a few dates and have him beg you to take him back, and then you can have sex with him plenty of more times when he is your boyfriend again! Better than a one night stand.

[nataliejulie]

You are totally right. I don't want to make things more complicated then they are.

[annie24]

It's ok, you'll be fine. Just show up looking hot. If he's as much of a gentleman as you say he is, then he'll understand your decision to hold off on sex. I think he'll even respect you for it. And, you said, he waited before, he can wait again.

 

Just see how things go during your next meeting.

 

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

[rascal]

so...what happened?

[nataliejulie]

so...what happened?

 

He hasn't called me back yet. We haven't made our official plans. I'm actually starting to get pretty terrified if he changes his mind, to be honest.

[annie24]

No. Don't get terrified. If he changes plans, you're better off without him. Well, you are technically without him now, as he broke up with you.

 

Remember: love only those who love you. He broke up with you. If he isn't begging for you back, then don't go chasing after him.

 

You just focus on your healing. Trust me, you have a better chance of winning him back if you are happy with your own life, doing your own thing than if you are pining away after him. You'll be just fine....

[nataliejulie]

This is a little more of a difficult situation. He broke up with me for very good reasons, I look back now and I would have dumped me too, no matter how much I loved me. I acted like a total nasty person on purpose, hurt him, put him through hell, for nothing.

 

If I ever want him back, I have to do so by building a trust and comfort level in me to show him I'm not an a** anymore. I have to show him I'm not some obsessive, paranoid, out of control, tempermental crazy woman that I was towards the end of the relationship.

[rascal]

hang in there kid. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU CALL HIM. just wait it out.

[nataliejulie]

 

 

 

Well he called. We talked for 7 minutes, about his schooling, jobs, etc. Then he's like, (here's how the convo went)

"I might go to the movies tonight. I dunno. I'm really tired. Might just go by myself. "

"Or with me (laugh)"

"Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't be much fun, I'm real tired. What time do you get out of work?"

"No work tonight. Worked today, not tonight."

"I'll consider it. Okay, gotta run. Give me a call?"

"Give me a call if you want."

"Have good timesssssss, bye."

bye.

 

 

 

AHHHHH what the ! CONSIDER IT?!

[nataliejulie]

 

 

I called back. I was nice as possible.

 

"Hey listen, what you said was kinda mean!"

"What was?"

" "I'll consider it" "

"I'm sorry if that was mean. Just meant I'll think about it."

"I'm sorry but I was just confused. You said something to me the other day about getting together and meet up."

"I don't want to get into an argument about this."

"I'm not arguing. It just sounded 'ohh, wait for my call'"

"I don't know. If we meet up it can be good, or it can be a bad thing. You know? It would be a really nice thing to see you."

"Alright.........."

"Listen, if we don't get together tonight, we'll see for another time. I'll give you a call in a half an hour okay?"

 

 

I didn't want to come off as aggressive, but, heck, I'm not going to sit and smile after he just told me he'd "consider" seeing me.

[refused_82]

Do you realise by calling him back n sayin what he did was 'mean' was the EXACT thing you should do i fu NEVER want him back.........???

 

i can understand u are dying to see him etc but truth is if your still this hung up on it i dont think its a good idea to see him anyways, not unless he wants to get abck with you, otherwise this will end bad. Im sur eu will get upset seing him when u realise it was just to catch up and maybe start arguing.

I mean all he did was say he would consider it n u ring him back over it!

 

i was ins ame situation as u, n i waited 4 months to see him, we used to hcvta on phone but not see each other, n i NEVER once bothered him about it. hes broken up with u, theres reasons n so he needs his space........not only that but how can u not understand him wanting to be sure he can see you.......u get upset easily maybe that is what is putting him off??

 

you need to chill out n work on you not worry about him sayin he will consider it

[SubtleGrace05]

I'd have to say that he was pushing buttons, and you jumped. Kudo's for standing up for yourself and confronting him with the "sounded like wait for my call" comment. Had it been me, I would not have responded to his "might go to the movies alone" comment with a "go with me" retort. Sounds manipulative. I would have just either asked him out, or let it slide until he decides he wants to ask you out.

 

I think if an ex says "lets go out sometime, I will call you", they are testing you. Trust me, been there done that.

[nataliejulie]

HE IS PLAYING HARDBALL!!!

 

So he called me back, like he said he would. We talked for 20 minutes. He starts off the conversation apologizing and saying he thinks it would be bad if we saw each other.

 

At that minute I was RAGED. So, calmly, I stood up for myself. At this point, it didn't matter if I wanted him back, I cared about ME and I wasn't about to be put in my place. I told him listen, I'm not saying this to be mean or to make you mad, but I'm not going to be here forever. I've been hanging out with people. (he interrupts me to ask if i have slept with them and i never answered) I continued telling him, yes I made a lot of mistakes and I have to deal with it. I'm not giving my hopes up on anything because that ended the day you broke up with me and I will move on!

 

bam. 20 pounds fell off my shoulders. It felt good.

 

Results? He asked me to come up. So I'm leaving right now. I'll make sure to update everyone.

[rascal]

oh boy.

[annie24]

oh boy.

 

Ditto.

 

Results? He asked me to come up. So I'm leaving right now. I'll make sure to update everyone.

 

It's never good if he broke up with you, and now he has YOU coming to see HIM! It should be the other way around!

 

He knows how to ask a girl out - you don't have to "hint" or whatever to get him to ask you out.

 

Be careful girl....

[nataliejulie]

oh boy.

 

Ditto.

 

Results? He asked me to come up. So I'm leaving right now. I'll make sure to update everyone.

 

It's never good if he broke up with you, and now he has YOU coming to see HIM! It should be the other way around!

 

He knows how to ask a girl out - you don't have to "hint" or whatever to get him to ask you out.

 

Be careful girl....

 

 

Well, he could come down and see me, but it's a Thursday night and there's no much to do in the suburbs this late at night. He lives in NYC so I thought that would be a better choice for fun. At least he paid for everything! haha

[annie24]

It's not just about the money. It's about the inconvience/time it takes to have to drive and pick you up.

 

I just don't want to see in you fall into a FWB situation, and you get hurt even more....