Over after 8 years

[sadjane]

Although this maybe should be in the breaking up section, I am putting in in the divorce section. My fiance of 2 years and partner of 8 years are in the (long) process of splitting up. We've made the decision, and I am now trying to find a place, divide up possessions, etc. Its heart wrenching and terribly sad because even after a year of counseling, we can't make it work. We are not sexually compatible, and after a career change, not really interested in the same things anymore. Not only am I grieving the loss of the relationship (and being frustrated because we are still living in same house), I am saddened by the reaction of a couple friends who have 'taken sides', specifically his side. I feel like I am not only losing my partner and best friend, but what I thought would be a support system. I am trying not to put my own expectations on them, but I am pissed, because I would have been there to support them had they been broken up. Basically, it sucks.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am so sorry you are going through this, this cannot be easy at all. Just know that I have found this forum very helpful and come in here whenever you want to talk, vent or need advice. Hugs to you.

[DN]

I am sorry you are going through this. Was it a totally mutual decision or did one want the split more than the other.

 

Don't blame your friends - it is a very difficult position to be in when friends break up - your ex would be just as likely to be angry at them if they sided with you, assuming they feel a need to take sides at all. .

[sasha12]

it is hard for any couple to go through a breakup. I suggest trying to keep this matter as private as possible. Don't discuss this among friends if there is a chance of your feelings being hurt. you sound like you are saddened deeply and i suggest sticking with professional counseling they are trained in giving you the help that you will need to begin to heal. if your not getting much support from your friends i would wonder what kind of friends they are to begin with. true friends will always be there to support you.

[TRAUMA]

Dont get upset at "others" for taking sides. They dont know the root of the problem in the relationship...It happens. If therapy did not work. God bless you both and it is time to move on..Good Luck!...

[Dako]

I'm dealing with a similar situation with my stbx.

It's tough to break up, but friends who take sides sometimes are just protecting their own confused feelings. Luckily not all people see the world in just black and white, and can understand the situation.

Right now I just ignore the friends who fall by the wayside. After I'm healed a bit, I'll get back to them. They'll understand.

My wife and I are planning to be good friends for life. It's very difficult, but we want to salvage the good stuff from our marriage. It's worth striving for.