Suicide is Painless

[Phill]

Hello

 

There seems to be alot of people round here with depression. I know that loads of people between the ages of 15-30 end up dead because of it and as the long days and longer nights slowly pass by I can feel myself getting closer to the edge.

I am 20 years old and think I have a social phobia that has prevented me from getting very far in life, and will probably only hinder me in the future. Maybe my social phobia is my depression or maybe they're the same thing. Anyhow, whatever it is, it won't leave me alone and will always keep me from knowing anyone. Suicide is not a good thing, I know, and if anyone out there is thinking about it, just send me a message and we can chat. Y'know I feel so weak and lifeless but I also know I'm not the only one. It's the same old story the world over. I don't want to be remembered as a guy who walked off a cliff one day coz he was tired of it all, but the fact that I'm not scared of doing it is the really frightening thing. Maybe this is a cry of help, I mean why the hell have I come to this site anyway? I don't know if it'll ever change, in England life is always grey.

 

"The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna lose it anyway".

 

Phill

 

phillipcranmer@blueyonder.co.uk

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[SwingFox]

Hello Phill,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your message. I am sorry to hear that you're feeling down. I understand that you are suffering from social phobia.

 

I can tell you that I am 31. I have been pestered in my childhood and during my teenage years. That left deep scares within me and made me a very unsocial person. I was a loner and didn't care about anyone or anything

 

However, around the age of 22 I decided that I had to make a change and exactly that is what I did. It took me about two years to shift my entire personality. Now I have found joy and happiness within my life. Of course there's always room for improvement, but I am a very happy person.

 

The lesson to learn: if you really want to, you can make a change. You can make the difference! You can do it. It takes a lot of time and it doesn't work overnight. You need a lot of courage and it is a bumpy road, but the reward is ever so big.

 

I hope that this reply encourages you to make the very same difference, so that in a few years you'll be able to leave all this behind you and tell yourself: "Wow, look at what I have achieved!" I wish you good luck in your life and I hope that life will work out the way you planned it for.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[crookster_man]

Phil, why is life so hard for you right now? What is causing you so much grief? You say that you have a social phobia? What exactly does that mean to you? Do you lock yourself in your room all day and night? Do you have an aversion to new people and places? Do you get panic attacks when dealing with new things? Could you please explain what you mean by this social phobia? Maybe you only lack good social skills that could be easily corrected. If it's more serious that to can be addressed. Could you please explain in more detail?

 

Life is never as bad as we make it out to be. We (humans) have a tendency to blow things way out of proportion. We focus on the bad and easily forget the good. Our mind set dictates our life. How we live out life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react. I can't really give you any more advice until I know more of your situation.

 

All I can say is try to look towards the positive. You need to boost your self-image and confidence. Try starting new hobbies that you can get a feeling of success out of. Go for walks and get moving, I find walking through the park really centres me and you can do it yourself. Lastly I think you should talk to someone who is trained in dealing with feelings of depression. Perhaps your doctor and refer you to someone. You don't have to keep living like this. Just remember you are not destined to be sad and alone, you have to believe that if you ever want to improve. You're not alone.

[aftermath]

It is so easy to relate to your message. For me, I let the actions of others put me in this state, are you doing this??? I really don't "Stick up for myself". If you don't you get swallowed up and hurt very badly. When I feel like this I need to snap out of it and realize: We are individuals traveling through life, and we need to explore all the world around us, focus less on distruction (suiside). Instead of hurting ourself, look at our hands and explore what they are capible of. If we are not disabled in anyway, we are very lucky people, count other blessings you have. Visit places of less fortunate people and ask if you can help in anyway, your assets and appreciation for your life will change. Nutrition is always a factoring part of how I feel, do you have any vitamin deficiencies. Above all, get a good book from the library or bookstore on communication skills, although your message written was communcated well, and I just don't think you know how valuable of a person you are yet. You have just given all these replying people a sense of self-worth. I feel better just knowing this site is here, for now. As you said, your not alone, depression is plentiful. Let's get tough and climb out of it together. Just writing this has helped me. I am very "alone", but we are all here "together"; brings happiness to my dismal life.

[Phill]

Hi

 

Thanx for your replies, it is good to know people are listening.

 

It is difficult to describe the feeling of having a social phobia. The best way I can put it to you is this: Y'know that godawful feeling one gets in the pit of their stomach before going into an important job interview, or taking an exam one hasn't revised for? I get that same feeling when I simply go to the post office or get on a bus. I don't know why, and I wish I could turn it off and just relax. I know that it's stupid to feel this way about what are essentially everyday events, but it's just the way it is. I have found that alchohol can help on the very rare occasions when or if I meet new people, and I have used it in the past to calm my nerves. Maybe I'm just frightened of getting hurt, though I don't know why that would be as I've never known anyone well enough to be hurt by them.

 

I don't really feel isolated, as being on my own just seems normal to me, but there is some deep, dark thing knawing away at my insides. I can try and put on a brave face in compulsory, unavoidable social situations like when I was in school, but if I was to be invited out somewhere the phobia would take hold of my choice and I would say no. It began in my mid-teens and I thought it was just me being a misfit in school, but as I 've gotten older, its stayed with me, pulling me down with it.

 

Maybe it's my general depressive and quiet nature that just got out of hand. Whatever, I know that talking about it like this helps.

 

Phill

[crookster_man]

I find that writing in these forums is quite therapeutic as well. Now Phil, It sounds like you're in a bad way. Millions of people suffer from depression and by-polar disease, it's very common. Do you find yourself suffering from mood swings and sever bouts of depression? Have you spoken to a doctor about this?

 

You're not stupid for feeling like this. This is not entirely your fault. Some people have a pre-disposition to succumbing to this disease. Being afraid of new social situations is understandable, most people feel apprehensive when thrust into a new social situation. However, being afraid of everyday situations like getting on the bus or post office is something else.

 

Are you on medication? That's something you should defiantly look into if your not. If you are then tell your doctor that it is not working. There are many different types of medication for this problem and some don't work for everyone. Honestly Phill, this problem is something that CAN be corrected.

 

The first step is admitting it's a problem (which you have on here) The next step is speaking to someone who can help you way more then we can. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, stupid or anything else negative you can think about yourself. It makes you strong because you are taking charge of your life.

 

Once your medication starts to ease your fears, you should look into mental solutions (the best way). There are many books on non-medicated ways of dealing with sever depression. These books help you to learn effective copping strategies and the power of positive thinking.

 

Trust me; you do not need to keep living like this. Take charge of your life. Do it NOW, after you finish reading this start on your road to recovery, start by calling your doctor, maybe getting a book, and take a walk in a quiet park. Let me know how you are doing. I hope for the best, just know that you are not alone in your suffering and that there is a multitude of help out there if you are willing to ask for it.

[temptedflirt]

hey... i've just wanted to let you know (im crying as i write this)

i may be one of the most depressed people i know.. yet i hide it well..

i have been on the verge of killing myself b4.. and tried many times

even as early as the age of 12..

i grew up too quick

by the age of 13.. i had done everything . sex.drugs.been beaten. been mentally abused. raped.. you name it

now im 16 years old.. and i would have to say .. i thought my depression couldn't get anyworse.. and here i am

i have many problems (mentall)

obessive complusive disorder (my family thinks its from someone in my family who started mentally abusing me at a very young age)

and a few others .. that i would not like to get into

well.. last year on the bus i was sexually abused.... in front of everyone... they all laughed... and my hair was ripped out as a boy tried to make me perform felatio on him...

and well.. i haven't really BEEN OUT IN PUBLIC since.. i'm terrified...

i do have a bf.. who tries to help me.. but hes been becoming distant.. and if i lose him.. im not sure what i will have

well today as a matter of fact... i almost had another anxiety attack (which makes my atsmah kick in).. when i saw one of the girls who watched.. they are all agasint me and in my neighborhood. so i know what you mean when you say you have a social disorder... i can't go out in public or talk to people i dont know

i dont trust anyone but myself... and my family.. i'm even scared of my boyfriend sometimes. i think hes takin me to see 'the bad people' and that scares me.. im affraid hes gonna snap one day and drive me the kids house (that got away with it cuz everyone was on his side) and they are gonna kill me. i have nightmares all the time...

and its gettin so out of control..1 of my shrinks put me on medicen...and that just makes me see stuff.. its gettin worse everyday

i would very much like it if you Imed me and we could talk

(cherrys n kisses)

thank you a whole lot and i hope we can help each other out

- jess

[Phill]

Hello Jess

 

I'm not gonna try and pretend that I know exactly how you feel as you are obviously a much stronger person than myself. The fact that you are still alive is an achievement itself. In my opinion rape or any kind of sexual abuse is truly the worst crime a person can commit and the fact that the vast majority of sexual violence is carried out by men makes me ashamed and repulsed to be a young guy myself.

What happened to you on the bus is terrible and I can fully understand why you are afraid to venture out again. Reading your message made me wonder how & why I have a social phobia as, compared to yourself, I can see no major events in my past that would force me to become so reclusive. School, possibly as I was a bit of an outcast who no one talked to, but that is pretty minor comapred to the events in your life.

 

What do you mean when you say your boyfriend is taking you to see "the bad people"? Is he misstreating you? Tell me about this.

 

I still fear social interaction and am proned to becoming suicidal but, Jess, here is something I've learnt: Anything that doesn't kill you simply makes you stronger as a person. Whether it's physical or mental, you can come to a point in your life where nobody and nothing can shock or hurt you anymore-they can throw nothing at you that you can't deal with.

 

Jess, listen. I feel rather depressed today, but writing in these places always holds me back from drinking, which is what I would normally do. I am only 20 and have my whole life ahead of me. I can and will deal with my problem, though I know it may be a long road. You sound like a wonderful person and if you need help of any kind or you just want to chat, I'm right here. If we hold on together we'll be OK.

 

Take Care & hope you write back soon

 

my email address: phillipcranmer@blueyonder.co.uk

 

Phill

[Hornet]

Jess and Phill,

 

Sorry to hear about the hard times and depression your both going through. From what I'm gathering both of you seem like worthwhile people and you both deserve better. As mentioned there is help. I know I had been diagnosed with dysthimia which is a mild form of depression which is long term. The doctors offered medication which I turned down. They did however send me to a "healthy thinking" class. It was sort of a class that was focused on teaching people to have the mental approach or "the glass is half full" instead of "the glass is half empty".

 

Jess,

 

Is there any way you could change schools and possibly get a fresh start somewhere else? I don't think you should have to relocate but maybe a fresh start would be a good thing for you. You are young but those are painful and difficult experiences that you have been through. I know you shouldn't let those things keep you from pushing on. Sometimes we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel but when you hit the bottom. The only way left is up. I really, really hope that things get better for you.

 

Phill,

 

I know that sometimes it seems the only way to escape is in the bottle but it's not. They say that alcohol actually encourages depression. I know I've been drunk a few times hiding from the pain. Yet I found myself in an ambulance at 4am telling an EMT that I intended to kill myself after I had been drinking. Stay active in life. Join a club of some type so you can start meeting people with common interest. It would probably be a good place to come out of your shell.

[bugbug]

Why did you write Suicide is painless in the title

[avman]

Why did you write Suicide is painless in the title

 

They wrote it 7 years ago. It is unlikely you will get an answer.