Phill

Hello Jess I'm not gonna try and pretend that I know exactly how you feel as you are obviously a much stronger person than myself. The fact that you are still alive is an achievement itself. In my opinion rape or any kind of sexual abuse is truly the worst crime a person can commit and the fact that the vast majority of sexual violence is carried out by men makes me ashamed and repulsed to be a young guy myself. What happened to you on the bus is terrible and I can fully understand why you are afraid to venture out again. Reading your message made me wonder how & why I have a social phobia as, compared to yourself, I can see no major events in my past that would force me to become so reclusive. School, possibly as I was a bit of an outcast who no one talked to, but that is pretty minor comapred to the events in your life. What do you mean when you say your boyfriend is taking you to see "the bad people"? Is he misstreating you? Tell me about this. I still fear social interaction and am proned to becoming suicidal but, Jess, here is something I've learnt: Anything that doesn't kill you simply makes you stronger as a person. Whether it's physical or mental, you can come to a point in your life where nobody and nothing can shock or hurt you anymore-they can throw nothing at you that you can't deal with. Jess, listen. I feel rather depressed today, but writing in these places always holds me back from drinking, which is what I would normally do. I am only 20 and have my whole life ahead of me. I can and will deal with my problem, though I know it may be a long road. You sound like a wonderful person and if you need help of any kind or you just want to chat, I'm right here. If we hold on together we'll be OK. Take Care & hope you write back soon my email address: phillipcranmer@blueyonder.co.uk Phill

Hi Thanx for your replies, it is good to know people are listening. It is difficult to describe the feeling of having a social phobia. The best way I can put it to you is this: Y'know that godawful feeling one gets in the pit of their stomach before going into an important job interview, or taking an exam one hasn't revised for? I get that same feeling when I simply go to the post office or get on a bus. I don't know why, and I wish I could turn it off and just relax. I know that it's stupid to feel this way about what are essentially everyday events, but it's just the way it is. I have found that alchohol can help on the very rare occasions when or if I meet new people, and I have used it in the past to calm my nerves. Maybe I'm just frightened of getting hurt, though I don't know why that would be as I've never known anyone well enough to be hurt by them. I don't really feel isolated, as being on my own just seems normal to me, but there is some deep, dark thing knawing away at my insides. I can try and put on a brave face in compulsory, unavoidable social situations like when I was in school, but if I was to be invited out somewhere the phobia would take hold of my choice and I would say no. It began in my mid-teens and I thought it was just me being a misfit in school, but as I 've gotten older, its stayed with me, pulling me down with it. Maybe it's my general depressive and quiet nature that just got out of hand. Whatever, I know that talking about it like this helps. Phill

Hello There seems to be alot of people round here with depression. I know that loads of people between the ages of 15-30 end up dead because of it and as the long days and longer nights slowly pass by I can feel myself getting closer to the edge. I am 20 years old and think I have a social phobia that has prevented me from getting very far in life, and will probably only hinder me in the future. Maybe my social phobia is my depression or maybe they're the same thing. Anyhow, whatever it is, it won't leave me alone and will always keep me from knowing anyone. Suicide is not a good thing, I know, and if anyone out there is thinking about it, just send me a message and we can chat. Y'know I feel so weak and lifeless but I also know I'm not the only one. It's the same old story the world over. I don't want to be remembered as a guy who walked off a cliff one day coz he was tired of it all, but the fact that I'm not scared of doing it is the really frightening thing. Maybe this is a cry of help, I mean why the hell have I come to this site anyway? I don't know if it'll ever change, in England life is always grey. "The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna lose it anyway". Phill phillipcranmer@blueyonder.co.uk [/b]