does sex really ruin the friendship?

[eden420]

i need some advice.. is sex the fastest way to ruin a friendship? im in to my friend and im scared that if we do have sex things will go downhill from there. like i want to be friends with benefits but i also dont want our friendship to get screwed up.

[darkblue]

I think, the best chance you've got at that working is probably if you were to talk to him about what you wanted.

 

Telling him that you want Friends with Benefits - but you don't want to get too attatched and you don't want to lose his friendship.

 

Even this may not work as one, or both of you, could want to take it further.

[smallworld]

If you're feeling scared, then deep down you must know it's likely that your friendship will "get screwed up." The problem is even if you both agree that you don't want the sex to affect the friendship, feelings can't be negotiated or rule bound.

 

One question: If this person is 'good enough' to be your friend and 'good enough' to sleep with, why isn't he 'good enough' to have a relationship with?

[eden420]

well... i do think he is good enough to start a relationship with but the problem is im dating someone, but its kind of an open relationship. i think right now, i dont really want to be committed to anyone.

[combat_barbie]

I think your probably good depends on what the guys like. I've done that before and we were fine. We wern't super close friends though so I dunno what would happen if he is. I mean I think that would be pretty akward to have sex with someone you thought of as a really close friend. I dunno.

 

As far as what smallworld said havn't you ever wanted to just be able to screw around just because it feels good and not have to think about it or work on a relationship and all that stuff?

[novaseeker]

well... i do think he is good enough to start a relationship with but the problem is im dating someone, but its kind of an open relationship. i think right now, i dont really want to be committed to anyone.

 

Well there you go.

 

The responsible thing to do, if you really are into your friend, is to end the dating relationship, or to make your desires for a relationshiip with your 'friend' very clear to your 'dating partner', and see what happens.

 

If you don't want to be in a committed relationship, casual sexual relationships, unless they are one night stands, are risky emotionally. "Friends with benefits" sounds great in theory, but in reality feelings can emerge, and often do, and as others have pointed out, they can't be negotiated in advance ... they just happen, and noone really has any control over their feelings, so even if they are willing to agree to control their behavior, they can't agree to not feel something that they feel... and that can lead to pain, which is emotionally risky.

 

If you want casual sex, and you dont want a commitment, one night stands are the way to do it ... repeated sexual relationships with the same person, even under a FWB scenario, are very perilous emotionally if you're dead set against them becoming a 'relationship'.

[kaboom]

I have this going on with a friend. It's been going on for a while without any problems. I think the trick is not abusing it, and doing it with someone you are not excessively attatched to.

As someone said before, repetitive sex with a person WILL eventually lead to an emotional response.

It CAN be done, but it requires that you both are VERY honest about your feelings and what you want from the beginning. Its no good starting it off thinking "I'll stop it if it doesnt go the way its supposed to" because that just CAN'T be done, specially with two people involved.

It can be dangerous, but it can definitely be done.

Who old are you? this is an issue that varies greatly with age and maturity.

Cheers!

[fantasia2004]

I wonder too

[eden420]

I have this going on with a friend. It's been going on for a while without any problems. I think the trick is not abusing it, and doing it with someone you are not excessively attatched to.

As someone said before, repetitive sex with a person WILL eventually lead to an emotional response.

It CAN be done, but it requires that you both are VERY honest about your feelings and what you want from the beginning. Its no good starting it off thinking "I'll stop it if it doesnt go the way its supposed to" because that just CAN'T be done, specially with two people involved.

It can be dangerous, but it can definitely be done.

Who old are you? this is an issue that varies greatly with age and maturity.

Cheers!

 

it worries me that he might get attached to me, or i might get attached to him, then it will get complicated. im 17, he is almost 18. and i have another question, can friends with benefits become a relationship that might actually work? or does that usually end up being messed up and filled with issues?