I want to break up but I can't get a hold of him!!

[lillady898]

I've decided to break up with my long-distance boyfriend today. He's only been away for two weeks and he's already been treating me awful. He may have some obsessive-compulsive tendancies, but that is no excuse for walking all over me.

 

My problem is that he hasn't been answering his phone. I haven't talked to him in 3 days. I've tried calling him four times today. Once he had his cell phone off, so I called his room. His roommate said he was at class and would tell him that I called. Then I tried calling his cell phone twice. It was turned on, but he wasn't picking up. And I just want to get it done and over with.

 

I don't know what else to do. He doesn't know that this is coming (unless he realizes that noone wants to date someone who is treating them like dirt...), so he couldn't be avoiding me so I won't break up with him.

 

I could possibly look up his email (I don't have it, but I could find it on the school's website), but I would hate to break up with someone over the email. And it would be especially creepy because he wouldn't know how I would've found it.

 

I could break up in a voicemail, but that seems harsh also.

 

I'm out of ideas. I just want to get it done and start healing.

[Dannysgirl]

Well if he's not even going to have the decency the answer his phone and has been treating you like dirt, what do you owe him?

If you get no response from him by tonight I would just be done with it and leave him a voicemail. It sounds to me like he's trying to break up with you by just ignoring you anyway.

[millaj]

maybe the reason why he's not answering is because he's breaking up with you.

 

sounds harsh, but everything has two sides.. you never know.

[DN]

How has he been treating you awful if he has been away for two weeks? Other than not answering his phone?

 

If he doesn't answer then just wait until he calls you - if he does. Unless you think he is really breaking up with you and you want to make a 'pre-emptive strike'.

[Caterina]

He probably is doing a sleazy job of also trying to break up with you. LISTEN. If he isn't ans. the phone, leave a voice message. You have tried the polite way. Its always better to be the one doing the breaking up anyways. I'd say to hurry with that.

[frustrated101]

I was with someone for a while and tried to call him to break up with him too but I couldn't get a hold of him I left messages continously because I didn't want to do it by email. So I waited a couple of weeks to see if he would call me and I got nothing. So I went on with my own life. I think you should do the same unless you want to see someone else and don't want to do until you officially finished the relationship. But if he was treating you like dirt then email him what comes around goes around.

[Dannysgirl]

I would just leave him a voicemail, you can't be certain that he will get an email. Maybe his treating you like dirt recently was a way to get you to break up with him?

[RandomAdvisor]

I think you should just leave him a voicemail too. Doesn't seem like you owe him anything when we wont return your calls.

[Trisomy21]

Sounds like he's pulling a Costanza. If you can't get ahold of him you can't dump him...

 

Solution. Just consider it over. If he attempts to get ahold of you, tell him.

[lillady898]

How has he been treating you awful if he has been away for two weeks? Other than not answering his phone?

 

Usually he answers his phone. He's just been picking fights with me and name-calling. It's usually in an argument, but I've been in destructive relationships before and now I'm just terrified I'll get stuck in one again. I figure I should end it before it gets really bad.

 

 

 

But I've just gotten a hold of him an hour ago. I was prepared to leave him a voicemail, just telling him what's going through my mind, but he answered. And, I think I may have started the conversation out wrong (I take all the blame for this one) because I was so accusatory... It just stresses me out not being understood. And I just got so frustrated and flustered I didn't end it yet. And now since the last argument, he seemed so dedicated to making it work even through his fumes... Talk about making it a tough decision. I'm just trying my best to be rational. He might call later, he might not.

 

I'm just emotionally exhausted from all of this arguing.

[DN]

If you want to end it because of all the arguing that is fair enough - just end it.

 

But, if you want to make it work, then tell him you want to stop the arguing and find a better way to communicate - or you will have to end it.

[Meow18]

If you aren't happy, then you need to tell him. Maybe a break for a little while would help. Maybe you just want to end it for good. It's obvious that you are not happy and just staying in this relationship is stressing you out more than it should be. You need to decide what you want and talk to him.

 

Don't keep putting it off. Realize what you really want and do it.

[lillady898]

I'm so confused because I already tried communicating all that in our last conversation (my second post in this thread). He knows I'm unhappy. I told him that in our last conversation. I even told him that I think I may possibly be falling out of love with him, and that I feel like we're not even a part of eachothers' lives anymore. Eventually he got angry and then I got angry.

 

He kept saying things and then contradicting what he had said. (I'm a princess, then I'm not a princess. He should be able to control how I act, then he shouldn't be able to control how I act. He'll call me next week, then he'll call me tonight.) He's very confused as well.

 

He told me, in the midst of our argument, that he knows me and I know him. And then when I said I don't know why I put myself through all this, he said, "Neither do I, but then I remember how much I love you." I feel awful, because I know he sees all this from a perspective that I just don't understand.

 

I'm so confused now. We're both really confused.

Permanently losing this guy is so scary. But I know we need some time to think... Neither of us are the type to wait, though.

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[Meow18]

Then you really need to think about what you want. You are confused, it's very obvious, and I think even you can see that.

 

What is it that is bothering you? Is it just the arguing? If so then you need to talk to him. Maybe consider going to a counseler. It's important to try to fix the problem. From what it sounds like, you can't fix it alone, you need help if you want things to last.

 

Arguing is part of any relationship. Some couples yell, some talk it over quietly. However, if nothing gets solved from these arguments, then they are arguments that will ruin your relationship. If neither of you can get your feelings out without the other person just getting mad and then a huge argument occurs, then that's not a good relationship.

 

I think it's odd that he said that sometimes he didn't know why he put up with you at times either, but then he remembered that he loved you. Relationships are not just about love.. although it is important. It's important to respect each other as well and be able to communicate your feelings to each other without starting fights about it.