Well, I dont know

[toad4466]

Its strange for me. As some of you may know, I have had a bad time of late, and I was about to give up with the idea of a new relationship after my last failiure. Well, as for my problem today, I guess that recently I have had some response and encouragment from girls, but I just cant make the real connection. Im not a bad catch (not being arrogant) and I have a reliability and mature angle on things, as well as a good fun/comedy element and domestic skills, but I cant attract real interest. People find me interesting, funny and flirt with me, but its not getting me what i really want, a partner to share my life and love with. People say that looks are more important these days (im not ugly, or fat but cuddly) and i must admit that I dont get out there and meet people as much as i should. But if anyone here knows Englands current problems with alchohol and obsessive partying then meeting someone at a bar, or a nightclub is a bad idea. I just dont understand people at all, I feel like a book in a cd store most of the time. Im a good read but no-one wants a book! Is it me? Do I really have nothing to offer? am I in the wrong environment? I just need to know the REAL truth on what girls want from a man, not some piffle about personality. Any advice, or if someone has a question, please post or Pm!

Ben

[Tigris]

Ben you are a lovely guy!

 

You're a good listener and proved that last night on MSN when you listened to my problem. You gave me support and encouragement. Afterwards you cheered me up by talking about many subjects.

 

You spoke some french to me and I understood it. Then you spoke german and I managed to understand some but not all of that.

 

Then we spoke about food because you're a trained chef. Then wines. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation and was disappointed when we had to stop.

 

There's only 2 things stopping us having a relationship. The first I'm married and the second although we both live in England we live at opposite ends of the country.

 

As far as I'm concerned you are my friend. Maybe one day we'll get to meet and you can cook me dinner.

 

There's a girl somewhere for you. She'll turn up when you least expect it!

Trust me!

 

Take care of yourself.

 

 

[Jetta]

Maybe you are trying to hard to find love. Just live life. I know it sucks, believe me I HATE being alone! But love will come when it comes. That girl that sparks an interest will arrive when you least expect it. I know people say it a lot and that's not the answer you're looking for but they say it because it's true.

 

Here's my other little tidbit. Make a list of what you're ideal mate would have, and then soon that person will appear. Be careful what you wish for you do get it.

[Msnak]

Hmm, what a woman wants from a guy....I have these conversations with my friends all the time and get varying answers on the "fringe" stuff but the "core" stuff is pretty much the same:

 

1. someone to be yourself with

2. a friend

3. companion (to go places/do things together)

4. loyal/honest/faithful

5. good provider

6. good communicator (talk & listen)

7. somewhat attractive

8. potential to be a good father

9. close to family (esp. mom)

10. sense of humor

11. patient

12. intelligent

13. not abusive, a player, commitment-fearful, workaholic, mentally or emotionally unavailable, not a flake

 

Hope this helps!

 

(I have a list of the qualities I require in a guy, and just met a walking-talking version of my list! But...right now it's not working out because of #6 and the last words of # 13!)

[studygirl]

HI BEN!!!

OK. Here is my take on the whole "what a girl wants from a guy" thing. No one really knows until they are in the situation! I was in a relationship that should have worked out in theory - he had all the qualities I was looking for and vice versa (if life was all about checking things off on a list) but it didn't work! It definitely made me re-evaluate my whole "qualities I want in a mate" thing and realize that getting into a relationship is not like going grocery shopping!!! While there are certain characteristics that I would like my next boyfriend to have (good manners, caring, bla bla bla) I am keeping it very basic and general. Someone can have all the qualities but it doesn't guarantee compatibility. I agree with Tigris, you are such an amazing guy!! Too bad I am in the US and you are in England, I have also loved all of our convos on MSN and via e-mail and I MISS THEM!!! Write me sometime!!!

[Msnak]

Studygirl...I'm in that predicament you were in. Met the guy with all the necessary qualities, not sure if it'll work, there's a connection between us, but it's been so difficult. My friends keep encouraging me to keep trying, but I nearly ran out of gas last week, weary from the work of it all.

 

But that's exactly it for me, a relationship isn't a vacation, it is work, and I just started understanding that for the first time ever. We'll see if mr. checklist is also mr. right.