I'm so confused, it's getting hard.

[xmas1888]

It's so hard right now, a roller coaster of emotions. My gf and I had been together for 11 months, though we have spent the last three long distance as she went home for the summer to work. A few days after she saw me the last time, which was a little over a month ago, she sounded so happy with me and told how she loved me SO MUCH, and she sounded so truly sincere, I KNEW she was still totally in love with me. The past month had been a little rocky, we had a couple of arguments, but nothing terrible. Last week she started sounding more upbeat and happy, and last wednesday she sounded really happy with me and her life. Come this monday, I had a little argument with her in the morning cause she was not seeming to be to in a good mood and said she was upset at just stuff right now. She then called me that night and said she wanted to just be friends right now, that she only saw me as a friend right now, that we should see other people and that while she "cared for me, she doesn't know if she still loves me". That very morning before our break up, she said she loved me, now I feel lied to and so confused. Our relationship was not the perfect one, but it was still very good, and I deeply loved her and cared for her. I was there through some of her hardest moments, and she even told me I was the only good thing in her life. I was starting to think that I was starting to get through it and that I would be alright, but then I saw her facebook profile and saw that she is now looking for whatever she can get. That hurt. It brought back the confusion as to how could I have gone from the most important person in her life to someone she doesn't even care that much about. I just don't understand it. I'm trying to do the no contact thing, and that's fine cause I don't really want to talk to her right now anyways, I just am so confused still at how you could go to such polar opposites in such a short time.

[anonymous_presence]

That's the problem with long distance relationships: you can never be sure of what the other person is doing or feeling. Communication is limited and leads to the very confusion that you are feeling right now. You need time to recover from this, and you should take it, but then you should contact her and ask her about it because there are some things that need to be clarified and that you deserve to know.

As for the polarity, it's tough to say what might trigger that. Some people are just like that; they have an epiphany and change ensues. Then again, you don't know what exactly was going on with her in the month when you two were apart. The only way to clear up your confusion is to go to the source and ask her about these things.

[xmas1888]

The thing is I really don't want to have contact with her right now. I know she was in the bad to be lying to me. I want to keep a little hope that maybe when she sees me when we get her stuff from my place, that just maybe she'll realize what she did and want to come back. However, that hope keeps on killing me. I start hoping and then realize that for now it's over, and she's going to be going out with other people and such. It hurts to think right now that she could be seeing other guys. I really just want to do the NC thing with her right now, cause as I read on these forums it seems to work really well for people. I know it's no silver bullet, and that she may never come back or realize how good for her I was, but right now it seems that it would work for me cause I really just don't want to see or talk to her right now, as it just kills me to think of her. Part of me wants to tell her though what she did and how much she hurt me. I'm open to advice, do you guys think I should just go with NC?

[HIHeartbreak]

Hey xmas....

 

I have/had a similar situation... though mine was mostly LD.... and had the same result... everything was incredible.. then just one day..poof... like the car instantaneously went in reverse.... ??? She was already planning her relocation, and I Love you's all the time. And each time i asked.... i got silence... Would have loved some closure.... but ... didn't get it ...

 

The advise all those who have been on here for a while about NC, is TRUE..!!! It is the best way, the NC will help you start to make the changes you need to make, to make yourself better.. and if you ex really cares... and you were like me where i was always there, and she knows i always will be.. then she will contact me when she feel ready. In the mean time.. you can start on your road to making your self feel better.

 

If you force the situation before she is ready... she will run the other way... FAST! Trust me.. most of us have made those attempts newly after the break-up.. and guaranteed most of the time.. we regret it.

 

Just know we all know the pain and those constant thoughts (i know that doesn't make it easier or take it away).. and hope things get easier... and wish the best for you!! Just try, the best you can, on NC... it will in the long run.. be the Best Medicine!!

[heloladies21]

That's the good thing about No Contact, it helps you get stronger so you don't make emotional decisions which always lead to trouble. You were lied to, so you should feel mad. It's normal and sometimes people aren't smart enough to realize this step. Stick to the NC like glue and things will become clear in time.

[xmas1888]

Thanks for the advice, though my head is still full of thoughts and memories that I can't get away from. Still confused at how she could do this when she expressed so much how much she loved me not long ago. Last time we saw each other, she woke me up to tell me she loved me, she even grabbed my hand at an ice cream shop, because she wanted to be close to me. I know I'm still a bit mad at her, but I know I want her back. I just can't get how she could be so cold about it, like the person who loved and cared for me is no longer there. I don't want to go through this year without that person who loved me.

 

I have to see her this thursday to return her rather large stuff that she had stored at my place. I don't know how to approach the situation. Part of me just wants to hug her and show her that I love her and that I'm the guy that she had(s) all these feelings for, like she needs to be woken up. I know that's not what I should do, but like I said I'm just very emotional and confused right now. How do I approach this situation? Do I act cool and unfeeling, load the stuff in and set her on her way, so the last memory of me is the guy who doesn't care and shows no signs that I still have feelings for her. It's just so hard to imagine me not spending the rest of the year with this girl.

[FCTex]

Don't look on her profile.. It'll only upset you..

 

 

My girlfriend wanted to take a break from our relationship of 1 1/2. It had some sorta LD.. 3 hours away during school semesters. We saw each other every weekend just about though..

 

In any case. I got on the facebook, and saw that she single... Didnt say she was looking for anything, but it hurt me that she changed it 2 days into our break.. Then a few days later, I see that she's in a "relationship with so and so at ...."

 

I was so mad. I felt lied to. i asked her about it and she said it was just being funny.. I still don't understand it... At all. I didnt find it funny. However, I can't put two and two together for her to be dating this guy. He's a good bit older, and lives farther away, at another school in the state... I don't know whats going on. I don't care to go into it more. I don't care to guess, or know..

 

Thats how you have to be man. Just lay back, and do what you want. Don't check up on her. Don't pry, don't remind yourself so easily..

 

I've stopped all contact with her after that first week of our break up. I saw her a few times in person at work and the like, talked some, about the break up. Wasn't the best talks...

 

I've sent a closure e-mail, and some texts.. that was it. Done. I said bye.. for myself mostly.

 

2 weeks go by with no contact, and she calls me out of the blue.. first time since the break up... talks for 15. didnt talk about much of anything, upbeat, I let her go. I haven't heard from her since, and I'm going on a few days shy of a month now..

 

You can do it... If I can, anyone can. I was to the point of wishing I was dead.

[xmas1888]

Thanks for the support again. She IMed me last night asking how I was doing cause she heard I wasn't doing to well. I was quick and honest with her, told her at some point I will be ok but right now I really am not doing well, and that I wish I could tell her what I'm feeling, even though I can't. That was too much for her, and she couldn't bear to hear it right now. I said bye and ended the convo there. It sucks cause this was ther first person I felt I could tell absolutely anything to and now I cannot, and it just sucks. I know now that I have to get over her, but my heart doesn't want to let go, wanting to still have love for her if she ever wants to come back, even though I know that may never happen. I imagine that when I see her tomorrow, it will be a sorta closure for me. I want to tell her that I can't talk to her right now, and that I won't talk to her, and that if she contacts me, unless it is about rebuilding the relationship, that I won't respond. What should I tell her tomorrow. I REALLY need some advice on what to say tomorrow, cause I just don't know what to say.

[FCTex]

Speak from your heart. You can't plan a conversation like that.

 

Just tell her this.. Like I told my ex. Tell her about your love for her. I told my ex, I loved her dearly. I thanked her for all that she'd done for me, and to me. I told her that she's hurt me, greatly, but I can only respect her wishes to do as she wants..

 

Get the point accross that you've accepted it. Let her know how you love her, how you feel about the break up, and how you feel about the relationship status. You don't have to go about begging for her back. Just end it there. She knows how you feel about things. Get it out, and get out, so to speak.

 

Do a NC thing with her. You wont need to express much of anything else with her, because if you talk to her, you'll get your point accross. She'll know what you want, and she can work from there if she wants it to be.

 

Just work for youself. Get it off your chest, and sit back and relax... Do things for you, and you only. It gets easier my friend.