Tears always... how to stop

[adidas7fire]

Is there a way to not feel the need to tear up or cry when I know I'm about to have a serious talk with my boyfriend? In general conversation, things are fine but if we're talking about an issue that is really bothering me, I have the tendency to have tears in my eyes before I even get a single word out of my mouth? Does anyone experience this and/or have any suggestions to hold strong and just talk instead of having the waterworks turn on?

 

Thanks.

[lifeinanutshell]

Crying is an important emotional release. If something is very important to you and it makes you cry then why is that a bad thing.. I mean, I assume you have explained to him why you find yourself getting tearful? (ie. because it bothers you/important).

 

Do you have a lot of built up emotion that you need to get out? Or is it a sort of nervous reaction? Are you afraid of losing him if you talk about the issue?

 

If its built up emotion, you need to get it out.. talk about the issues and resolve it before it leads you to crying. If you are afraid of losing him or something, again you need to firstly ask yourself why and secondly talk to him about it.

 

Just my opinion of course.

[sniggle]

Have you tried keeping a journal so you can make notes on things and review so that you can maybe prepare yourself to talk it through with your boyfriend ?

[RayKay]

Well, I think when something matters to you - tears are normal and an expression of that. I have always been someone quite "sensitive" in the respect that I will tear up or cry when I am feeling hurt emotionally - yet I can do an endover off my mountain bike and not shed a single tear!

 

If the tears however are preventing you from communicating, it might be best to perhaps write some things down when you want to talk, in a letter, or just let your partner know that you want to talk, and make a small joke about the crying My guess is, he does not really mind the tearing up as long as you are not bawling and not able to talk or get any words out, or listen!

 

Crying/tears are not a weakness, though I am sure many of us grew up thinking maybe they were. They are a sign that we care, we feel, I cry when I am sad, and when I am happy - it IS normal to feel you know Don't be ashamed of it, I joke about my sensitivity, but I really am quite accepting and proud of who I am as a person, and that I AM sensitive to not only my own feelings, but that of others too. It's part of who I am!

[adidas7fire]

Yeah, I write in my journal everyday but then he asks why I can't I talk to him about what I'm writing instead of writing it. I told him it's easier for me to talk via pen/paper than face-to-face but some people just don't understand. yeah, there's a part of me that IS afraid of losing him but then again, I've had a lot of bottled up feelings and emotions since I could remember... stemmed from being an only child and not having a single person to talk to.

[lifeinanutshell]

If you have bottled up emotion, try finding a good trustworthy friend to chat about it all with openly. I mean.. the worst thing you can do is keep it bottled up and allow it to keep "harming" you. Talking it through and making a mental decision to "let it go" could be a great help.

 

I know what u mean about writing stuff down being easier. My advice would be to take a chance, within reason. Talk to him or write him a letter about the stuff that bothers you. (nothing wrong with letter writing!)

 

It will HAVE to come out into the light eventually anyway if you are serious about the guy. Keeping it bottle up is just going to keep you feeling intense a tearful?

 

but i'm not a relationship expert heheh, just trying to help if i can based on my own experiences.

[adidas7fire]

I have been trying for years to just let it go ut then I start thinking about things... and then end up dwelling on the could have's and should have's, knowing that I can't do anything to change time. I just want to him be happy but I always end up effing something up and feeling really bad and he tells me that he doesn't understand me sometimes but you know, I don't understand me sometimes either.

 

I mean, one day I can write the sweetest letter and it was like when we were first dating and then the next day I can be in complete tears. I don't know why it happens. I know he's just able to let the little things go but I'm one that ponders about the little things... things that shouldn't matter. I just want to be normal and happy all the time, not just sometimes.

[LovinIt]

I know how you feel all to well. Every time I am about to talk to my man about something....I start crying. I think it hurts us so much to think of all the times we felt hurt..that we get choked up, and possibly nervous about losing that person. I think about it all the time, losing him, if i rock the boat. But you know, you cant be afraid to rock the boat, if something is wrong. Eventually, things wil fall apart, even if you try to keep it all back. Best luck.

[monkey1]

Oh I get emotional too.

 

the other week i was going through a lot of emotions trying to figure out why i've been unhappy in my relationship with my boyfriend. we're LD. anyway, i know that i should call him up on the phone instead of hiding behind a computer screen, and when i finally got him on the phone, i started to get emotional. and that sucks crying on the phone. he tried to calm me down even though he had no idea what i wanted to say, but after a while i was able to get some of my feelings out.

 

i later emailed him all the stuff i wasn't able to get out on the phone and told him that it was so hard for me because i am scared of losing him or that we won't work out. but i think even though he wants us to be able to talk about serious issues over the phone, he knows that it's hard for me and is glad i at least TRIED to talk to him in person.

 

so write him a letter and sit down with him. then he can read it. or write that letter, but try to tell him in person and if you can't, you can hand him the letter.

 

i think when you're in a serious relationship, or even one that you're trying to figure out, that it's important to communicate with your partner, whether it's by writing out what you feel, or getting the courage to tell them in person.

 

it is natural to cry and get emotional, relationships are emotional! so don't beat yourself up. you gotta try and communicate your feelings to your boyfriend or else things might not go the way you want.