big fallout with my best friend

[kkfan]

hey guys, i've posted here about how i liked one of my best friends, the one that spent almost all her time with me blah blah blah, anyways, after many failed attempts and efforts of getting her to actually be my gf, i've decided to try and get over my feelings for her and just trying to treat her as a good friend.

 

anyways, we had a big fallout last wednesday due to a really silly argument. basically cause i wasn't too happy that she was late for our meeting, she has almost always been late for our meetings (ranging from 15 mins to an hour or even longer) anyways, i've spoken to her and we've had arguments about this in the past, about how i don't like it when she's late, but it hasn't improved all that much, and i guess i let her get away with it because i like her. Anyhow, back to last wednesday's meeting, she called me like 4 times before the meeting pestering me not to be late, and when i got there on time (the place we were meeting was just next to her office), she wasn't there, instead she comes strolling in after 15 mins and the only reason she gave was that she was smoking with her co-worker which i suspected. Anyways, she can pretty much tell that i wasn't happy about it and immediately got pissed off herself. anyways, so we started toward the mall that we wanted to go in silence, after about 10 or 15 mins, she said "you might as well go home if you're just gonna stay silent", i really don't know what to say at this point, because i was starting to get pretty mad about the whole situation because of her attitude, so i just said "i don't want to argue about this"

 

i don't remember what was said exactly after that, she basically said "if you're going to be this petty and get mad over stuff like this, let's not meet again" which she brings up at almost every argument we have, i've told her in the past not to threaten me with that everytime, so i guess i lost my temper when she brought it up again, so i simply said "fine", at this point she just started shouting at me and told me to go home and leave her alone, i just said i'll do what i've already promised her i'll do which is go shop with her and take her home. Anyways, on the rest of the trip there, she continutely told me not to follow her and just go home, anyways, we got to the mall, and she tells me that i've already done my duty and that i can go home now and that she doesn't want to see me, i tell her that i'll take her home afterwards and then she won't ever have to see me again. Anyways, her mood got a bit better after all the shopping, but we still weren't talking that much, and then i took her home, and we just said bye at the door.

For the past few days, we've basically not seen or contacted each other, except when we had to forward letters or messages for each other (i have some of my bills sent to her place, and she's been using my no. to make appointments because she lost her phone recently) anyways, when we had to talk to each other to forward our messages, her attitude was pretty hostile, i don't get why she has to be this way, i told her that night even though we had a fight and won't gonna be friends anymore, we didn't have to be enemies, she just said what else did you think was gonna happen ??

 

any advise or comments ? thanks

[DoorMouse]

I used to deal with this issue with my husband all the time. If he was told to show up somewhere at noon, he was there half an hour late, everytime. I found a solution to the problem. I sat down and told him that His tardiness upset me and was a waste of my time and if he respected me and our relationship he would be on time, not beause he had to be, but becaused he respected my wishes. It took some time for him to adjust, but eventually he got the idea that showing up on time, meant that he and I didn't have an argument , and we had better times together. If she's not respecting you and your schedule, let her know that your world doesn't stop for her. You have places to be and people to see and her dragging her feet to show up, is keeping you from doing other things.

 

I hope it helps..

[Vert]

kkfan,

Having been a guy in that whole "friends zone" catagory, it's tough when you admit feelings for the girl and she doesn't reciprocate. Things inevitably get "weird" between the two of you and aren't quite ever same again. I think she's just feeling uncomfortable around you and trying to control the situation by telling you what she wants you to do and then not following through on it herself. She knows that you'll do a lot of things to get her interest and so she uses that to her advantage. It seems to me as if this girl is being crazy and you're looking for a logical reason. As my friend once said to me over a crazy ex-gf I had, "You're looking for logic where there should be Paxil!"

 

Just continue on with life, let her buy a clue, and go live life without that drama. From your story, I'd say you were lucky not to date her in the long run. Personally I'm a punctual guy and I can't stand it when people are late so having a gf that was habitually late would grind on me every day.

[kkfan]

DoorMouse,

 

thank you for your advise, i've actually had this conversation with her already, she actually gave me the same advise you just gave me when i talked to her about the same problem i had with another friend of mine, she basically said if that friend respected you enough, he or she would show up on time, but when i tried talking to her about her tardiness, she basically thinks i'm making a big deal out of nothing and that i'm being selfish for only thinking about myself and not caring about how she feels.

[Vert]

DoorMouse,

 

thank you for your advise, i've actually had this conversation with her already, she actually gave me the same advise you just gave me when i talked to her about the same problem i had with another friend of mine, she basically said if that friend respected you enough, he or she would show up on time, but when i tried talking to her about her tardiness, she basically thinks i'm making a big deal out of nothing and that i'm being selfish for only thinking about myself and not caring about how she feels.

 

Bro, she's spinning this on you so that her mistakes are projected as your problems and not her own. This girl is truly a devious one and why you want to be around her is unknown to me. You never dated her (right?) and she treats you like dirt yet you call her a close friend? I think time away from being her friend is definitely in order. Just ignore her.

[kkfan]

Vert,

 

yah, i guess things were sometimes were weird between us because i told her how i felt about her, but that was a year ago, and although i've still tried wooing her in the past year, and we have gotten to 3rd base, we've never become an official couple.

i guess she does use the fact that i like her to hold things over me, but as i'm slowing trying to get over my feelings for her, i'm starting not to let her get away with stuff like that.

Yah, one of the reasons that i'm not giving in to her this time is the thought that "do i really want to put up with this anymore?"

 

thanks for your advise, bro

[djedix]

Is it possible she has met someone new, who she would like to have a relationship with, and is possibly pushing you out of her life to make room for them? I mean.. to me it sounds like she's doing things to make you mad... SHE knows how mad you get when she's late, but she keeps doing it anyways... selfish? yea

[kkfan]

DoorMouse,

 

thank you for your advise, i've actually had this conversation with her already, she actually gave me the same advise you just gave me when i talked to her about the same problem i had with another friend of mine, she basically said if that friend respected you enough, he or she would show up on time, but when i tried talking to her about her tardiness, she basically thinks i'm making a big deal out of nothing and that i'm being selfish for only thinking about myself and not caring about how she feels.

 

Bro, she's spinning this on you so that her mistakes are projected as your problems and not her own. This girl is truly a devious one and why you want to be around her is unknown to me. You never dated her (right?) and she treats you like dirt yet you call her a close friend? I think time away from being her friend is definitely in order. Just ignore her.

 

we've never been an official couple,

i guess i consider her a close friend because i only just moved here last year, and i don't really know that many people here, and she and i have basically spent all our time together, so i haven't had time to go out with the other people i've met, so i guess she's really the only friend i have

[kkfan]

Is it possible she has met someone new, who she would like to have a relationship with, and is possibly pushing you out of her life to make room for them? I mean.. to me it sounds like she's doing things to make you mad... SHE knows how mad you get when she's late, but she keeps doing it anyways... selfish? yea

 

i guess that's always a possibility, but she's kinda always been doing that, it's not a recent thing, so i don't know....