no more wishful thinking

[unpretty]

Can somebody please tell me how to get rid of anger toward someone, ex whom I guess I won't see for ever?

I've been wasting so much time thinking about weather is he still thinking about me etc, somehow I know that he hasn't. at all. probably from before break up.

As for me, I've been through hell for more than couple of months after the break up, and stupidly thinking 'we' were going through the break up.... or something.

Its like realising now that I was the only one who was in a relationship for almost three years.

I tried to get better, but my inner feeling seems to explode into anger right now. I don't know how to deal with this destructive feeling

while he might be forget that I was existed after a while of nc.. ](*,)

after all, does.. he.. care...

I hope there is a way to move on completely..

[wonderland88]

hey unpretty..

I can relate to you I broke up with my boyfriend just this past march...starting to rebuild my confidence then prom happened and he said he missed me and I fell into the trap again...then last night with weeks of avoiding me he finally ended things.

It's hard and I've spent all last night crying but things do get better. I made a promise not to cry today and so far it's ok but he goes through my mind every instant and it's so unbelievably hard.

The best advice that I can give you through my experience is to hold your head up high and don't give him the benefit of seeing you upset. Keep busy as well that really helps but now that it's summer it's hard to keep yourself busy but as long as you have really good girlfriends that you can vent all of your frustrations on everybody in your life is important to your recovery.

As the saying goes "there are more fish in the sea" I know it's hard to think about that since you like or love him still but trust me as long as you don't show him you're upset, keep yourself busy and surround yourself by the people you love and love you you'll get a confidence boost and in plenty of time another guy will fall madly in love with you and you won't even remember this boys name.

Hope you feel better,

wonderland88

[unpretty]

BellaDonna, wonderland88,

Thank you so much for your replies.

 

belladonna- thank you for letting me know about the post by candleinthewind. After reading it, I found that the feeling of not liking myself by the result of what happened is similar to part of my feeling.

the most embarrasing feeling is that the fact that I am still thinking how did he make me feel this and that.. when its completely over for him

a long time ago, possibly happily..

but yes like you said I need to change reaction to those feeling.

 

wonderland88-

thank you for your advice, and I'm sorry for you are having a hard time.

Just I almost doubt relationship thing, when though I want to move on while I can't, your words made me feel a lot better.. thank you!

I hope things will be alright for you soon..

take care,

[SexySadie7]

Well.. this is a very good and interesting post.. One.. because I feel the same way. I have alot of anger and bad feelings toward my ex.. He "played" me too..or used me too... and then threw me to the curb too when he was done with me.. ignoring me... stopped calling me completely with no explanation why.. although he sure didn't object to me calling him..then just started treated me SO disrespectfully, and acted just awful to me when we did go out again...

Then ... when I saw ran into him months later.. he actually treated me like I was garbage or something.. like I had the plague.. I was so nice to him... what had I done to deserve this treatment?

Nothing... nothing at all... but I have really bad feelings about my self now.. my self-worth... because in the beginning .. like the lady who had the affair.. he was SO nice to me... it was a dream come true...

I think... in hindsight.. he showed his true colors too.. but part of me.. still wants to believe he's a "nice guy". I don't want to hate him either.. but I'm wondering if it's not better to hate someone who's been so mean-spirited and callous to you.. than to hate yourself b/c you think maybe, just maybe, they still might be a "nice" person.. and you just weren't their cup of tea.

Does that makes sense?

However if they were really a "nice" person.... I just think they would have to decency to break up with you in a manner that would give you some closure.. not be a coward about it.

But.. I have a small problem with that post by candlelight.. as she WAS having an affair, although I can't tell if it was just an online affair, on her husband.

Obviously there was not a physical affair....so that's a whole nother kettle of fish...

If they didn't consumate their affair.. how can you compare that to something where you were physically intimimate with someone? Where you did spend time with them...

I never even exchanged e-mails with my ex.. so there was nothing online about it.. it was all real life.

[Mun]

Can somebody please tell me how to get rid of anger toward someone, ex whom I guess I won't see for ever?

 

This is going to sound easy, but it's very hard. Forgive him for what happened.

 

Just recently I had a talk with the man that is the reason I'm on this site. We cleared the air about alot of things and in the process he told me " Every time I pass by ( the place we met) I think about you" I started to cry. For a long time I had wondered, just like you do, if he even thought about me. Now I know he did/does.

 

Awhile back when I got tired of holding on (wishing things to happen) I decided to kind of disappear. I removed him from my messenger lists, changed my usernames, took him off my cell phone and cut all contact. I let him go and in doing that I also forgave him for what happened and let go of the anger. ( It's not easy, its easier to be hurt and angry) When I did this I actually started moving on.

 

You might not be ready for this yet, but when you decide to let go and move on it might be a good idea to forgive him too. Holding on to the hurt is going to keep you where you are at and you deserve to move on in your life.

 

I wish you the best.

[RayKay]

muneca - PERFECT! Forgiveness is indeed part of the process of letting go - of the pain, the regrets AND the anger.

 

I too have been there, realizing that in order to move on, I had to forgive. It does indeed heal and help you move forward again.

[Bounder]

How can you forgive when you still love the person and hope they'll come back. I know I need to do it to get over the hurt, but for me forgiveness means acceptance and opening yourself up again....does that make sense?

[unpretty]

thank you for the replies..

 

forgive him for what happened... it is really hard for me at this moment, even though i don't think I want him back.

I actually can't imagine talking with him normally as friends either..

 

Like SexySadie7 said, i used to think that my ex might still be nice person...but I decided to think that he's not, and if he is, that is toward everyone else but me.

your post remind me of a story I've heard somewhere..

which is about phone conversation.

People really care about the words when you pick up the phone, or when you try to call someone, but when it comes to just before the hang up, people don't really pay attention to what they are saying, which however that shows real you.

I am probably not making any sense now, but I thought that applies to when you first met and the break up as well..

 

I don't know what I'm expecting, but I still have the way to contact..

couldn't delete mail address etc..

for this, I know I won't bump into him anymore..

but maybe its time for me to cut every single way to reach him..like

nothing happened

[Mr. Sub]

I think it takes time to forgive someone. It doesn't happen overnight. I guess there is an urge to forgive the one who hurts you the most, because we want to move on right away. Forgiveness happenes naturally, something that cannot be forced.

 

At the same time, it puts more pain on you just to hate someone. Which means you feeling is still very strong for this person. Personally I ran into two rebound relationships before, both were out from a long-term relationship. There were alot of anger and hate, which led to pain and devastation. Immediately after the breakups, I was not ready to forgive. It took me 2 yrs to finally get over the first breakup. I never set out at the beginning to forgive this person, but at the end I was free from what happened in the past, totally recovered.

 

Time is the key. Maybe it is hard to accept and the beginning, but try to drop down everything, your hate... your will to forgive. Just go on with your own life, take you mind off from your previous relationship. You will be free from all the hate, even without thinking about how to forgive.