how i am goin to get rid of her?

[Clive]

Hi Guys,

 

I have been with this girlfriend for a year and two months approximately and during all this time we had some clashes like everybody else but, these clashes are very rare.

 

What I mean by very rare is that she did things immaturaly.

 

I forgived her many times, I still like being with her and I do love her and respect her and she does the same too.

 

My problem is that after all those clashes we had, I feel pushed away from her and do not feel that pull towards her, and I am thinking that I am staying with her just because I got used to her and that when nothing is wrong everything seems to be fine.

 

I know it maybe sound strange but I feel like I am waisting both of our times.

 

The other problem is that when we argue like we did last saturday and it was a very hot argument, I told her that I dont want to see her again and I took her home and got back with my friends, after a while she found me in this bart with my friends and its like she accepted that I am with my friends now, but when my friends left, she was begging me to get back to her and to give her another chance.

 

After begging me for a very long time and I got tired of those beggings I accepted to give her another chance and so we are back together now.

 

She is trying the best to be with me, being nice and all the good things one can make to another.

 

But as I said before, I dont feel that pull towards her after all that we've been trough.

 

I think that though I am this situation I am blind to understand what is really going on and thought maybe someone of you could understand and help me with a reply on what you think about it.

 

I thank you all and whish you all the best.

[WildChild]

Well ya kinda answered your own question. You feel like you are with her just because you are used to being with her and not because you want to be with her and on top of that you basically gave in to her just to "shut her up" if you will

 

Obviously not knowing the whole situation or either of you, she may have security problems if she is begging you to stay with her. Although it hurts losing someone you love, no one should have to resort to begging the other person to stay in a relationship. She may see all of your wonderful qualities and does not want to lose them, but she also can't make you want to be with her. Sounds to me that you love her, but you are not in love with her?

 

On the other hand, it takes two to tango. Compromise and communication are key to a successful relationship. Every relationship has it's differences, but each person has to be willing to compromise (obviously not compromising your beliefs though) and communicate. If there is an issue that you can't have a "meeting of the minds" then you have to "agree to disagree" on that issue. I'm gathering it's not so much what the argument is about, but rather how she handles herself during and after the argument? Have you told her you don't like her acting like that and you perceive it as being immature? One thing I have learned is that most men do not like clingy women, especially insecure women....it is a complete turn off.

 

If you are totally dead set that her behavior is unacceptable, then two things: You tell her that she knock it off and give her your reasons why and see if she finally gets it or you end it telling her why (and not in a hurtful or accusing way because you admit you do love her and respect her) and stick to your guns....do not give in to her begging under NO circumstances

[Clive]

Actually if I do quit with her, she is kind of alone, she doesnt have close friends and she lives on her own because she had an argument with her father when we started seeing each other and she only have male co workers which she wouldnt be so close to (I assume).

 

The argument between her and her dad has nothing to do with me.

 

Although she has kind of 2 close aunties but not as close.

 

I didn't tell her that she was immature in her ways of creating the problems.

 

I argued with her about the problems she created and told her that she do not know how to handle some easy situations that caused the problems.

 

In mind I have this kind of belief that she will do the same stupid mistakes in a different way.

 

And that belief and all that happened is pushing me away from her.

 

On the other side, I am finding it difficult to quit with her because I know how she feels and I know is hard even for me to stop seeing somebody that you have been seeing every single day for more than a year.

 

I also dont like to see her crying or hurt and that is one of the most difficult reasons that are holding me back from quitting.

 

I know that I can get out of it easier than her cause I have been in other quitting situations and so I know how to handle it better than her though she didnt have much relationships.

 

You know what?

 

Typing this email and looking deep into this situation to make it easy to explain to you also helped me see thing clearer now about this situation.

 

But I still appreciate your replies.

 

 

The problem types that we had are

 

A lot of confidence with other guys especially in the beggining of our relation including dirty words between her and them, mostly in text messaging which has stopped after we argued a lot about it.

 

Giving attention to other guys even when she is with me and that is how I know apart from the other situations were she told me what happened.

 

She used to mention the type of guys she like, type of bodies and hair and a lot of other stuff she liked in another man.

 

Also when she used to see another guy and mention the things he has that she likes (things that I dont have).

 

So those descriptions made me feel like I am not really liked by her but she is with me because she thinks that I made a good man/dad for a family.

 

I was kind of planning how to quit with her by telling her that I feel like I only love her as a friend and I dont feel like that she is nothing more than a friend to me.

 

Which is the truth.

 

And then keep on the quitting track.

 

I hope everything will go ok then.

 

Thanks for your time and interest I really appreciate it.