MissPotBelly Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 "Would you do her?" is the question my bf constantly asks me as we walk down the street and spots a good looking gal. He knows that I'm straight and that I'm not interested in women in that way but he keeps asking anyway. I asked him if he'd do them and he said, "Honey, if I ask you if you'd do them that means I'd do them." When I heard him say that I knew something wasn't right but didn't quite know what to say. What is he trying to tell me exactly??? Should I be worried or should I be mad? Link to comment
pizzachick13 Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 I'm not sure if you should be worried or mad. I'd be a little worried because that would mean that my partner was checking out other women... but I'd also be mad for the same reason. So, if I were you, I'd have a talk with him and ask him what's going on. Sappho... Link to comment
shes2smart Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 Have you asked him to stop asking you that? Not just hinted at it, but flat out stated you've no interest in other women, the answer will always be no, and to please stop asking. I think most guys look. I also think most women look, too. When you (male or female "you") see an attractive person (male or female) you're going to notice. For some guys this translates into ranking that person on his own "is she do-able" scale -- even if they have no intention of trying to hit on that woman or go outside the relationship. It kinda creeps me out that I'm being rated that way as I go about my daily business, but I can't control what other people think....and they've got the right to think whatever they want in their own minds. Anyway, a tactful and considerate guy would learn to keep it to himself if he knew you didn't want to hear about it and/or it bothered you. But first he has to know that it does bother you and you don't want to hear about it. Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 He watches too much porn. Kidding. I think which I may not be correct, is implying that he wants to have a threesome with you and another girl lol. Link to comment
skyteph Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 He watches too much porn. Kidding. I think which I may not be correct, is implying that he wants to have a threesome with you and another girl lol. Rofl, that's what I thought too! Maybe it's just us dirty minded teenagers Link to comment
Shizzle Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 Yep, i think he want to add another girl in to the bed when he gets in Link to comment
Beec Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 He is being an inconsiderate oaf. I would cut him down to about two inches tall. My lines: Look, I don't know about you, but I was raised to understand ettiquette and protocol were not optional. Just because you never understood the rules of ettiquette is no reason I should suffer because of your ignorance. Or, I would pick out a good looking guy and ask him if he would do him. Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 I like Beec's recommendations above Which one you do is what you are more comfortable with and you think will get the right reaction/outcome. He is being rude and inconsiderate...it is one thing to glance/look and another to point it out and rub it in! If he continues with that behaviour after you have pointed it out and talked about, maybe it is time to show him you do have some respect for yourself and don't accept that behaviour, and move on. Link to comment
lookingforclosure5 Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 I don't agree. I think the fact that he is being open with you about the girls that he finds attractive is actually a sign of a pretty healthy relationship. I am an open person as was my ex. We both could appreciate beautiful people, both men and women. It was actually strangely a bonding experience for the two of us. I remember once being at a concert with my boyfriend, i found the performer extreemely attractive, and when I mentioned something to my ex about it, he said, I KNOW I have been checking him out this whole time.... It just turned into a fun little joke between the two of us. Having "the same taste in men." If you are truly offended, he should repect you enough to cool it. But if not, have fun with it! Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 I don't agree. I think the fact that he is being open with you about the girls that he finds attractive is actually a sign of a pretty healthy relationship. I am an open person as was my ex. We both could appreciate beautiful people, both men and women. It was actually strangely a bonding experience for the two of us. I remember once being at a concert with my boyfriend, i found the performer extreemely attractive, and when I mentioned something to my ex about it, he said, I KNOW I have been checking him out this whole time.... It just turned into a fun little joke between the two of us. Having "the same taste in men." If you are truly offended, he should repect you enough to cool it. But if not, have fun with it! It's not healthy if he is aware she does not like it, and does not feel comfortable with it. Remember what works for you and your ex does NOT work for everyone. Many people find others other than their partners attractive, but that does not permit them to openly gawk at them knowing how it makes their partners feel. And there is a difference between being open and disrespectful and inconsiderate. And he is not being open about it, it was only when she asked, until then he just kept asking "would you do her".... Link to comment
queenofvalidation Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 Dear mpb: You've got to be kidding. The Nerve! Would you do her? I'd be like, "yeah, I like to do her in!" kidding I find it incredibly rude & disrespectful that he gawks and openly makes comments implying that he would and would you also? He is obviously trying to make you jealous just to see your reaction. Next time, you might try completely ignoring his comment and acting as if it doesn't bother you at all. After a while he will ask you what's wrong and you will say..."Yes, there is something wrong, but i don't want to talk about it right now." Then become slightly aloof. Once he doesn't get the reaction he's looking for, he will no longer have the incentive to make the comment and hopefully he will correct his erroneous behavior. Link to comment
spiderman_56 Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 girls ...girls ... geez ...so many harsh comments ..lol ok ..from a guy's point of view now ..c'mon let's all face the truth ..we are all human beeings and there are things that we appreciate and others that we dislike . There are people we find hot , others not ...it's universal. it's okay to express our preferences when we are single but when it gets to a relationship it's no longer acceptable to tell the truth about it or it's denial... in my book of records , that's just beeing a fag However, it does depends with whom you are ... some ppl are much more open than other,can handle 'spicy' jokes and take things lightly ...while with others u need to take white gloves , watch every word you say, how you say it My point is that it depends on the relationship you have with your second half , if it's a strong relationship and if there is communication ... whether your love / relationship is threatened by the other guy/woman but If you are secure about your relationship, then there is no need to stress it..it's a joke and no matter what u are certain your love's heart belongs to you and it's very re-assuring, you won't be having anxiety attacks when you walk down the street and see a bombshell that will for sure catch the sight of your lover. it can be a very fufilling experience because it show that the most dangerous threat , 'the other woman' you can turn it as an experience as the both of you side by side making joke of something that could tear you apart....opposed to the 2 of you not beeing 'cool' to each other and creating an emotional warzone . However it's a situation that has to be handled great widsom. Link to comment
MrSalsa69 Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 This one is simple! He is trying to get you comfortable and confident about him looking at other women. It is inevitable that people are going to look at the ones around them. It is human nature to be aware of their surroundings. Some women are so jealous that even when you glance at the same direction of another woman they get angry. It looks like he is just trying to condition you to be more confident, that's all! Link to comment
shes2smart Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 It looks like he is just trying to condition you to be more confident, that's all! Sorry...I don't get how asking a crude question equates to building someone's confidence. I don't think it's the "looking at other women" part that triggered the original post, but the crudeness of the "Would you do her?" line. Some guys can be a little too crude and graphic and easily offend some womens' sensibilities. A question like, "Would you do her?" might be fine to ask your guy friends, but I'd tread lightly saying that around a woman until you know if she finds the question offensive or not. If she's straight and not bi-curious in the least, the answer is always going to be no, she doesn't want to do her. If he's really asking if she thinks a particular woman is attractive, there are more polite, tactful ways to ask that question. Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 I'd like to remind people to stay on topic out of respect for the original poster who DOES have an issue, and not flame other members. Thank you. Link to comment
MrSalsa69 Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 Flamming is usually when a person talks badly directly towards another member. If you read any psychology books out there. My comments are educated and factual. This does not mean that men are superior or any other negative thing like that. The moderater is a female acting on her emotions and not on the realality of what I said, thereforeeee she deleted my last two comments. Look, I'm an expert Social Psychologist being in a good enough mood to give out free $75.00 an hour advice. If anyone has a problem with this I can leave and discredit this website to the point that the business will be desolved! Now we don't want that do we? Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 This Topic Now Locked. Your posts were removed as they were flaming another poster and blaming her "emotions" and anger for her opinion as well. It was not "educated and factual" to make remarks on her avatar and then label her as angry. Nor is attacking me, or the site "edcuated and factual". This site does help a lot of people, and will continue to do so whether you choose to participate on a respectful basis, or not at all. This was not a vendetta, it is my job as a moderator to keep things on topic and polite and respectful, plain and simple. Link to comment
avman Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 Well surely as an expensive "psychologist" you know how to read - correct? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and figure that you do, which means you read our rules and you know that attacking a moderator means you will be removed from the forum. So you've got your wish. Bye-bye! Link to comment
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