PERMANATELY SCORNED/PLEASE HELP.......EMERGENCY

[KYTEDREAMZ]

My husband and i have been to gether 4 about 1 year, im 3yrs. older than he is, and boy what a difference that makes, anywayz we jumped the broom in april, and it seemed like heaven, but now a little more like hell. He has since then become very abusive physically, as well as mentally, and yeah he did show it before we married, and its not that i thought that i could change it, but more like i could luv him better than anyone prior to me, hoping that he wouldnt respond 2 things in such a negative way, but boy talk about back firing, not only does he disappear 4 4/5 days at a time, but when does finally reappear he gives me bogus excuses, and when hes gone there is a lost of communication because he tends 2 turn his phone off 4 days. The worst part about it is that he trets me w/no respect, calls me names, ive caught him cheating w/ numerous women, which if he does even metion me its just 2 warn them that im "crazy"? whatever?, but he tends 2 think that because were married that we are binded 2gether 4 life, and its just to the point of no return its like im stuck in the twilight zone, we dont sleep togehter and when we do decide 2 (2x a month) its disguting, like he raping me, i luv my husband very much, and i definitely didnt marry him 2 divorce him, but i have actually strted the divorce proceedings and have one year left 2 file, dont get me wrong, im not saying that he doesnt luv me but, he definitely not in luv w/me, cause he doesnt even know the meaning of the word, its more like obsession, stalking, and the crazy part is that i know 4 a fact that he sleeping w/ other women, and honestly hoping that being that thers a 99.9% chance that we will never be right that 1 of these women would just take him awat from me, because other than that he will never leave me and im stuck 4 life..............deep isnt it?........so please if u have any good words of advice, or just wanna talk im damn sure crying out 4 help....................................................

[overcorrect]

As a police officer I can tell you that I have dealt with situations identical to what you are going through. I can tell you from experience. If you don't leave him and force him to change, he will never change. Can you deal with living the rest of your life a puppet to him? He is in a comfort zone now and his beating (and I call it beating without a problem) on you is his controlling nature and it seems from what you are saying that he has the tightest grip on you. No woman should fear being whipped up on by anyone ESPECIALLY by their own husband. A husband should be the "protecter" not the "controller" or the "punisher". I realize you love him, I hear the "but I love him" all the time when I answer calls where a woman has been beat to hell and bleeding. It's called Battered Wife's Syndrome. It's not your fault. Research it on the internet. You will never get out of the rut you are in if you don't change what you are doing. One day, he's going to hurt you bad. The police are going to come and see your injuries. Under the domestic violence law they will take him to jail. Hopefully you will not do what I can say a lot of battered wives do... they go down the next day and refuse to help the DA prosecute him (thus enabling his beatings) and he remains in his comfort zone because they release him (of course, he's gonna be real sorry on the phone to you from jail and he will tell you it will never happen again as he cries). I'm not trying to chew you out but you need to see that what he is doing is wrong and you don't need to put up with it. As a police officer I can tell you that after a woman declines to file charges on her abusive husband she will more than likely not call the police again when he kicks her butt because "she loves him" and doesn't want him to go to jail.... thus, enabling the beatings more and believe me when I say this, they just get more severe and more deadly.

[JustAnotherFriend]

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear about the behaviour of your husband. It seems ironical to also read that he loves you despite all he does. I think you did the best you could do by filing a divorce. You need to move on in life. There are a lot of good people out there, more worthy of you. Its not easy to put a marriage behind, but under then given circumstances I think its the best alternative. Down the line you might meet someone who can give you all the love and support you deserve as a wife. When that happens you'll be glad you refused to be treated like a door-mat and ended the past relationship.

Keep the hopes alive and go ahead with your divorce. If you dont end this relationship you are ending the probability of a happy future with someone.

Good luck and take care!