Forbidden love

[Alabella]

Hello!

Please, help me to solve my problem.

I fell in love with a young man who is 10 years younger that i am

(he is 20 and I am 30). What's more I am married and have a son (4years

old), and i am a teacher at the university where he studies.

You see, my husband does not love me any more, sometimes he behaves

like a beast. Although he treats me badly, he loves our child.

Olga.

[MetallicAguy]

Ever think of just divorcing him one of these days???

[passions1]

If you haven't already, consider verbally working it out with your husband in terms of letting how he treats you & how you are not feeling loved by him anymore. Then follow up through actions to make sure that both are you are understanding what you're going through & to support one another. Sometimes is not necessarily just the partner soley, but also taking the time to self-reflect about your actions as well.

 

It could be a possiblity that you may think that you love this other guy, b/c of the bad treatment from your husband & he more than likely is treating you the way that you want to be treated. However, you have to question yourself, are you treating this young man similar or different compared to your husband? So you will have to see how the communication is like compared to you with this guy versus you & your husband.

[Cadence308]

You have several things to think about.

 

1) Are you still in love with your husband and is counseling an option to help the two of you sort out your marriage? Just because he treats you like crap and is good to your child does not mean that you should stay married to him. You deserve to have someone be crazy about you and treat you like a queen. You may think that you are doing something good for your child by staying in your marriage, but you are wrong. Children know when things are going on with their parents and your child could end up resenting you for staying in a loveless marriage.

 

2) Is this student that you are in love with one of your students or just a student at the university where you work? How does your university handle dating between faculty members and students? I know that many universities frown upon this sort of relationship and a faculty member can even lose his/her job for having a relationship of this magnitude with a student because typically the faculty member is supposed to be the adult and the authority figure. I've done some reading about this topic myself.

 

I think that you should figure out what is going on with your marriage before you act on anything with this student and even consider cheating on your husband just because he treats you like crap. Then after that is resolved and this student is no longer your student or no longer a student of the university where you are employed and if you both still have feelings for one another, then you should be free to explore that relationship further.

 

I think age is of a lesser concern and will be even less significant once this student joins the working world and is self-supporting, as long as you two share similar interests, goals, and perspectives.

 

Be careful because this student may just seem more appealing right now because you are currently in a bad relationship with your husband. Are you sure that you are just not "in love" with the thought of being with this student because of your bad relationship with your husband?

[Alabella]

My husband's attitude to me changed greatly after our child was born. He has always been impatient, unballanced and moody, but in the beginning of our relationships( either i was head over heels in love with him ready to forgive everything or he was less insulting or both) it did not matter much. I can give you some examples of his behaviour that seem appalling to me. It is a normal thing for him to come home after work and to shout at me calling me names, usually the reason is that he is not satisfied with the way i cooked something or washed something. The greatest problem is that now when the boy is four, he imitates my husband's manner and immediately starts shouting at me something unclear just to be like his father. It really frightens me. One more example. It happened last year, and after this i stopped loving him, and I think that it is for good.We were spending our holiday in a village in the mountains at the seaside. He wanted to have a rest and relax the same way as he did when he was single and young. He got drunk every day (he is not an alcoholic), swam far and dove in this condition. I protested and asked him to stop behaving like this. When he got tired of my demands he took all the money from me and said that he would not give it back to me unless I drop the idea to teach him how to relax. Then we were climbing the steep hill to the village we stayed in. He was drunk and was making our son (2years and 10 months old then) climb (still in Russia he had insisted on not taking the pram and promised to carry our boy). The little one was weeping and asking me to take him. It was a difficult climb for me even without a child in my arms, so I could only walk several steps and it was a long way up. My husband quickened his steps, and when i asked him to help,he told me to put our son down and let him go by himself. I lost my temper (I am usually very tolerant and calm, which ,of course, helps me in my work) and promised him that i would never be dependent on him. Never in my life! And he hit me in the face, so I came to the village with a big black eye and was deeply ashamed.

What is more, when I try to discuss his behaviour with him, he does not seem to repent, he says that it is nothing and i should thank God that i dont live with an alcoholic or drug addict, and that i have all the possibility to die in a gutter if divorce every husband I 've had (It is my second marrige, i didnt have chidren with the first husband).

Nevertheless, like all people he has positive features as well, he works, earns money, he is generous and I think he loves his son more than any person in his life. So I think he would miss his son very much in case of divorce.