I'm so confused...

[lostlove]

i am so confused right now. i need help desperately. i guess i'll fill you all in on the story here.

 

i have gone through hell with a very, very good friend of mine, he hated me for this last year, and i was in love with him. i have loved him for over a year now. we made up about two months or so ago. in the past few weeks, we have been kind of "friends with benefits". we both love eachother, and we kind of decided that someday when we're adults, and we're ready for the kind of commited relationship that we want to have with eachother, then we will be together. but...he has a girlfriend right now. it makes me feel so terrible, because she's pretty, and he chose her to go out with right now, not me, and i feel so ugly, and i'm so jealous of her. i also don't like her as a person from what i've seen, AT ALL. i...i don't know what to do. i feel like although he loves me, she will always be first, and he loves her in a different way, a more loving way than he does me, where i think it's more sexual.

 

again, i'm so confused....i....i just want to be loved. by him. i'm so lonely....

[goddess23]

omggg honeyyyy plzzzzzz plzzzz get out of this. i mean if there was no gf involved i would be like ok fine whatever it could work but thisss! this is obviously tearing apart your self esteem and its definitely unfair to you and its unfair to his gf as well. and guys dont go with other gilrs because they're preetier than you or even nicer than you. its just someone else. a different person. so DONT COMPARE YOURESLF TO HER. i wouldnt be surprised if you're a million times better than her in every way, but i wouldnt be surprised if it was the other way around. im just saying dont compare!! you deserve so much better. this guy hated you and now hes using you for sex. GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT and honeslty i rarely give this kind of advice. this is just a horrible situation to put yourself through

[Shanö]

Couldn't agree with the above poster more. He isusing and playing both of you. You, ANYONE is worth more and better than this? Don't judge him from what comes out of his mouth or how he behaves when he is being nice to keep this charade going - look at how he is treating both of you.

 

Then consider if a man that treats not one, but two women in such a way is a good prospect?

 

The longer you stay in this the worse you will feel, and the harder it will be to get out...look after yourself!

[slave2love]

Lostlove.........I don't know your age, but I reference to your statement ''we both love eachother, and we kind of decided that someday when we're adults, and we're ready for the kind of commited relationship that we want to have with eachother, then we will be together''.

 

This statement suggests to me that you are still pretty young and it makes me worry that you may be putting yourself in a situation that is way too advanced for the stage of life you're at..........I mean, you are supposed to be having fun right about now, not having your heart broken/time wasted!!! You will probably not like what I have to say, but the truth always hurts.

 

One thing I can assure you of is this, no one is shackled to anyone....if he loved you, he wouldn't be with her......so that point you must realise. He seems to be having his cake and eating it too......you are worth more than that, so realise your self worth and get out of that situation.

 

Secondly, he is a PLAYA in Capitals....he is not playing a game that hasn't been seen before....it goes round and round!!!!!!...the fact is these guys seldomly leave these females.....a friend of mine is in a similar situation and so far as I am concerned, she has wasted 5 good years on this man, he has since married, is expecting a baby and is moving on 'fine', but he comes to have his cake whenever he wants and she is always available.........lets put it this way, read between the lines....Time wasters!!!

 

I hope you make the right decision.

Good luck

S2L for life.

[djedix]

I wish that i had the lack of respect for women to say stupid things to them to use them, and to make them feel horrible.

 

Actully i don't. I'm glad the way I turned out

[RayKay]

Get out of this NOW.

 

I don't know how old you are, or how old he is, but it does not take someone to become an adult to learn to treat people right - he is playing BOTH you and his girlfriend (he is a cheating jerk) and you are participating in helping him cheat on his girlfriend. Sure he might do it with someone else if not you, but how would you feel if you were in her shoes?

 

He does not love either of you. People who love someone do not cheat on them, hurt them, use them. Which he is doing to both of you. He is not "stuck" to her, if he truly wanted something more committed with you, he could leave her. He's a dog.

 

Hon, don't start a pattern already where you settle for these "quasi-relationships"...it will only cause a long road of pain, you deserve more for yourself. He is NOT the only man..or should I say boy...in the world. This is not love.

[human_wreckage]

I'm not going to say "get out now. he's just wants you sexually." I don't know all of the facts and i doubt any of us do except for you. Maybe everyone else knows more than me, but personally, i don't like when people make assumptions about a person... lostlove, are you sure that this guy really loves his girlfriend more than you. Are you sure you are interpreting his love to you in the right way. I don't know anything about this guy, but i knew someone in this situation and he turned out to be just so confused about his life.

I'm sorry if i sound like a complete jerk, but i feel different than most of these other people.

[lostlove]

no, not at all adam. you don't sound like a jerk in the least.

[RayKay]

I'm not going to say "get out now. he's just wants you sexually." I don't know all of the facts and i doubt any of us do except for you. Maybe everyone else knows more than me, but personally, i don't like when people make assumptions about a person... lostlove, are you sure that this guy really loves his girlfriend more than you. Are you sure you are interpreting his love to you in the right way. I don't know anything about this guy, but i knew someone in this situation and he turned out to be just so confused about his life.

I'm sorry if i sound like a complete jerk, but i feel different than most of these other people.

 

I say GET OUT NOW because people who allow themselves to enter relationships with people who are CHEATING often end up on the wrong end of that. It does not matter whom he "loves" more - he is not treating either with respect.

 

He may be confused, but that is no reason to allow him to bring other people down with him in the process.

[human_wreckage]

thank you hannah.