completely betrayed - help !

[collegesf]

Hi everyone, I just came accross this site and I really hope it helps. I recently found myself in a horrible, horrible position. I came home to San Francisco from college on the east coast for an internship in the city, while living at home with my parents. I came out to my parents in May and they completely flipped out, not accepting it and placing me in Christian Counseling in the hopes of converting me into a heterosexual. Miserable and lonely I met "John" on the Internet; he was a student at a local university and when we met for the first time there was an immediate spark. He helped me with the issues with my parents and was there for me for the entire summer. I was completely in love and really dreading the point at which I would return to college.

 

However, this all changed when I found an advertisement stating that John wasn't the person I thought he was. He was a male escort and received money to perform sexual acts on men! He even had reviews online from his "customers." I got sick to my stomach, nauseous and completely betrayed. When I confronted John he told me that it was a VERY small part of life; that he never had intercourse with any of them but conceded that he had on average met 2 men a month for the past year but that he stopped once he met me and that he really, really cared for me and wanted to get out of this lifestyle.

 

I thought about it ad nauseam and after talking to my friends decided that I had to break it off with him, which I did about a week ago. Since then I've just been completely miserable. I can't sleep or eat and a major part of me wants to go against my friends and rational and get back with him and just believe him when he says that meeting me was the turning point for him. In sense I just don't know what to do. Thanks.

[lunatic]

WOW thats a tough position to be in. I can see why your upset I mean an escort. WOW is all I can say. I would be worried about STD's and such I am sure I dont have to tell you.

 

If I were you in that position I would have to sit down and think about where I would want to go. Can I get past this? It is a tough nut to swallow no doubt. My suggestion to you is to take some time away from him and make your own mind up.

 

The biggest question you have to ask yourself is can you get past this... To be totally honest with you no one but, yourself can answer that question.

 

If I were in your position I would have bailed already because I know I would not be able to get past this issue.

 

Good luck and be strong it is a tough situation to be in.

 

Hub

[stolenshadow]

Hello, I'm sorry you found yourself in such a difficult situation.

 

It's only been a week, this is very recent, and it is the rational thing to have ended the relationship since it was quite disrespectful of him to date you while seeing other men and working as an escort, it's something that affected you directly so he should have told you that before any relationship started so you had the decision to continue or not.

 

It's better if you don't contact him, give yourself time to heal, if he really loved you, if he never did anything sexual with those men, if his life is going to change, only time will tell, but you shouldn't hang there waiting for a reconciliation, work on yourself, spend time with friends, do things you enjoy, it's going to be hard but you have to move forward.

[FindingMyTrueSelf]

You had the right to know this before you found out the way you did. He should have told you up front. If I was blinded by love, I would probably forgive him, believe him, and get back with him just to feel immediately better. But that emotion called "love" has made me do stupid things in the past... things that rational people woudn't do.

 

So be rational if you can, and leave him alone. You will probably find more character flaws or inconsistencies in this person. It's okay to feel the love for him *and* at the same time not allow him to continue to bring chaos into your life. It's not okay to do things you know you should not do in the name of "love".

 

Please be strong... the pain won't last forever.

[mgirl]

Well, if he is an escort, for pragmatic reasons, what else can he do for a living? It's okay to say you are going to give up your (his) lifestyle, but what are the alternatives? How else is he going to earn a living to support this wonderful new life he is going to have with you or somebody else? It's all very well to say you are going to give it up for somebody else, but if there is nothing in reserve, it will be difficult for him to earn a living and pay rent, bills etc.

 

Further, if he is prostituting himself, then maybe he has a drug addiction?

 

These are just my thoughts. It's all very well to be romantic and throw away all rationality in order to satisfy yourself (hey, it can be fun), but let's be realistic... Where is this going to lead? In the short-term, it could be a bit of fun, but on the long term, it could be damaging to you, and as some of the other posters said, you may be putting yourself at risk of STDs.

[collegesf]

thanks to all the amazing responses thus far

 

responding to the post on how he will support himself otherwise...

 

"john" is only 22. he's still in college and is supported by his parents. this summer he had a part time job (apart from escorting) and an internship. he said he escorted for the "thrill of it and just needed someone "to catch him and tell him what he was doing was wrong" he comes from a relatively upper-middle class background and he said the appeal of escorting was to do something so out of character that none of his friends or family would ever expect. i know he doesn't have a drug problem so that's not a problem.

[patience]

I knew young men who did this. One of them is dead now. Need I say more?

 

The fact is, this guy was not honest with you upfront...what else has he hidden from you?

 

You're playing with fire.