If you want to feel better after a breakup

[boomer1619]

Okay guys, let me just write a few things down, because I am reading so many repetitive things on here today, and I want to break it down for all you broken hearted.

 

If you are in a relationship that has gotten you all mixed up as to how you feel about yourself, that makes you want to sacrifice your goals and dreams, or just flat out you are with saomeone that seems to be playing certain tricks on you, or does things that you know makes you uncomfortable, or if your loved one throws temper tantrums constantly, or if they are willing to keep close close contact with that recent EX, or if they wanna start seeing other people, or if they take advantage of you, or if they want to break up, or if they wanna take a break, or if they arent sure how they feel about you, or if they would rather see thier friends six days a week, and you only once a week, or if that significant other that you have is being shady and starting crazy fights with you, THEN YOU KNOW WHAT, G E T Y O U R S E L F O U T O F T H A T S I T U A T I O N! Its easier said than done I know, but guess what folks, HIND SIGHT IS 20/20 . There WILL be a day that you wake up, and you are feeling incredible, and all you can think about is how you only want to make yourself better because you know that YOU need it. You will eventually be writing posts just liek this.

 

LISTEN CLOSELY: If there are more warning signs than good signs, or if you find yourself justicying every action that they do to hurt your feelings, THEN THEY ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. Lets stop putting ourselves with people who dont really want us. If they dont want us, then WE ARE BETTER OFF WITH OUT THEM.

 

Understand something, WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO BE WITH US. It really is that simple.

 

I was dumped in October, and my good friend HOCKEYBOY, along with others, read my posts when I was totally at my worst, I havent had a steady girlfriend since, BECAUSE I WOULD NOT SETTLE FOR ANYBODY THAT WASNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

 

Well, I have just started seeing a woman who is four years older than me, and she cant stop telling me how much she thinks the world of me, and man she really lifts my spirits, and motivates me. In no way does she try and change me, she is wrapped up into WHO I AM, and loves it that I have dreams and goals that will never change.

 

And guess what, I did not find this by starting rebound relationships, I did it by continuing to klnow exactly who I am, what I stand for, and what I want. I love this girl to death, but if she wrote to me in an email telling me she didnt want me anymore, THEN I AM BETTER OFF WITHGOUT HER

 

I may be harsh and too honest, but thats what I am, and I will offer any support for any of you. All ya gotta do is write to me, or PM, and I will let you know how great you all are to be on here and try and better yourselves. Keep on Keepin on.

 

Boomer

[Bounder]

Thanks boomer, but what if we confuse compassion and empathy for selling ourselves short? I mean in terms of saying we deserve better, maybe they deserve better, or better from us?

[boomer1619]

well, it should feel quite obvious to you wether you are being treated prroly, or if you are the one creating all the wrong doing. Usually, peopel on the healing forums are dumped, and are so heartbroken, and feel so incredibly unappreciated, so I am referring to those people.

 

You will know who is doing who wrong, because you will know how you are truly treating them, and also, how you feel when you feel mistreated.

[misery12]

If you don't feel emotionally fulfilled with your relationship, why try to imagine there's something there when there's not.

 

The more time you waste with someone you *know* is not "the one".. the less time you have to spend with "the one" that is out there.

 

There's someone out there for all of us. Fact.

[Bounder]

well, both are usualyy imperfect (partners I mean), and often we feel like we tried, but it still wasnt enough because they werent communicating, expressing needs or wha have you.

[boomer1619]

great words misery12, see, IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO IS THINKING LIKE ME!!!!!!!!

[boomer1619]

its not about needs, needy people tend to never find what they need or want. Its about GELING, MESHING together with another person. A fit so to speak. Not two people who are exactly alike, but two people that counter and fit each other as well as compliment each other. Comparing strenghts and weaknesses, but also, countering them so that you have someone that can teach and learn with you.

[Bounder]

Relationships are never perfect, they take work and commmunication, especially to feel fulfilled after the "honeymoon" wears off. It might be hard, but if its the right person, I guess it should come naturally.....but theres so many thigs that can get in the way

[boomer1619]

but those same things can get in the way of life, not just relationships. Life has all sorts of things that go bump in the night so to speak. I feel that we should understadn that life is about discovery and experience. We can put things into perspective instead of trying to UNDERSTAND IT FULLY. Why do we have to understand life, why cant we just accept it, and also know that when things are crumy, there are zillions of healthy prodictive ways to improve life, to only become stronger when more short coming (which are inevitable) appear.

 

Its "Get bust living, or get busy dyin." (Extra points if you name the film that thats from, anmd it shouldnt be hard)

 

Its liek religion as well, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR BELIEFS, wouldnt it be much better is we all could keep our beliefs, but just love and accept those who believe differently. Of course it would, and its posible too, but if we just accept these moments that are so tragic, almost embrace them in order to feel it, and experience it, then we will allow ourselves to become more human, and more prone to these circumstances that hurt us so much, as well as offer advice and support for those who need it, because WE CAN TELL THEM ABOUT OUR EXPERIENCE

[Bounder]

Amen boomer!

[boomer1619]

Thanks man, I really love feeling like im letting go of control, and just letting life takes its own course on me, cause, we will all be happy people if we really want to be.

[hockeyboy]

Exactly, stick to who you are.

 

The best thing you can really do is stop looking for something and just let it find you. After my breakup with the ex I wanted something to fill that void. I wanted her back and if I couldn't have her back, I wanted another girl. I wanted wanted wanted, but never got anything that worked for me.

 

I finally decided to stop looking. I became happy with me, doing what I was doing in my life and in popped this gorgeous sweetheart on a random weekday night. She literally just walked into my life and since I saw her Ive wanted her. Who knows what will happen with this girl...but I do know this, you always find the next "one" when your not looking to find anything at all.

[boomer1619]

Totally Hockey, it really will find you, and not neccesarily the "one" either, but something that peaks your interest, and makes toy experience something totally new and different

[poetsheart]

I really enjoyed and needed to read what you said, cause I'm going through a tough break up at the moment, it's tearing me apart, and just reading what you had to say, really touched my heart when I needed it, thankyou so much.

[salmonhead_uk]

Boomer that was AWESOME!

I can think like you think sometimes (4months since been dumped by the way) but at others i plummet. Thank you so much for writing that stuff out for the forum...its so true and i can almost SMELL the happiness and success oozing from you!!!

Im actually gonna print that out and keep it somewhere.