Mixed signals - does he like me or not ???

[bamboo]

Argh. A guy that I am interested in is doing my head in with mixed signals... I almost couldn't be bothered making an effort anymore There seemed to be an attraction from when we first met eg. lingering looks but now a few weeks on he just seems to blow hot and cold. Sometimes we'd have a bit of a laugh and he'd be quite cheerful, other times it's hard to get a word out of him. Sometimes he'll show an interest in my life by asking me questions about myself, but then other times it seems more of a one way conversation where I am asking all the questions.

 

Thing is he's a bit shy and seems quite self-conscious around me which can make me the same around him (and I can be shy at times myself). I don't think he's overly confident so I doubt he's playing hard to get. I've noticed that if we're ever chatting quite close, he won't look me in the eye. Is this a good sign or am I really that scary?? And other times I'd catch him looking at me when he's nearby.

 

I'm so confused that it all seems like too much hard work. The last guy I dated was so different. We were incredibly flirty and it was obvious we were going to get together. But I really like this new guy and from what I know of him so far he seems nice and I'd like to get to know him better... but I don't want to end up forcing it if he doesn't feel the same.

 

Any opinions on the mixed signals? Does he like me? Does he not like me? Is he just plain shy? I've never come accross a guy who is so hard to read before. Normally I can tell if a guy is interested or not.

[swift44]

why not just let him know your interested and see how he responds, his response should let you know

[Beec]

Look, he is acting aloof. Aloof works. Aloof shows independence and that your are not clingy or needy. Show him the same thing. Telling him, esp. when he is showing aloof, tells him you are needy.

 

Give him some attention, then withdraw and give him little or no attention. See if he changes his tune.

 

See the "free principles" on link removed which will tell you the same thing. Read up on what works, and do what works. Aloof works.

[bamboo]

Sorry Beec but I have to disagree. Aloof doesn't work, not for me anyway. I find it unattractive. If being aloof is his game (but I actually don't think it is) then it's not working for him. I would have asked him out by now if he wasn't acting like this. I'm the kind of person who needs enough positive signals if I'm to make a move. If a guy is being aloof, it puts me off either because I think he is playing unnecessary games or I think he's unable to deal with being attracted to someone. I agree that emotional independence is good, but there is a huge difference between that and being aloof.

 

I do think this guy is either not interested or is shy. I could ask him out but like I say, I can be insecure in these situations too so I need more positive signals.

[Beec]

Bamboo,

 

If you were to pick up "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene, you would find out that the third tactic in a seduction is to send mixed signals. First, pick the right victim (someone you can seduce); Second, make an indirect approach; Third, mixed signals.

 

If you take a look at link removed or read Leil Lowndes "How to Make Anyone Fall In Love with You", you would read about the need for some aloofness and control while showing interest.

 

You may think aloofness is a no go, and for you it may be, but for most, it works. Try sending some mixed hot and cold signals. It may work on him. Or wait and see.

[bamboo]

Beec, I think you and my brother would get on like a house on fire He likes to play the aloof card too... but I just don't get it to be honest. I have to say I don't read articles or books on flirting/dating/seduction etc but I trust my own gut feelings and for me, when a guy acts aloof, I find it a bit irritating and immature. No offence to you or anyone who thinks it works but that is what goes on in my head when a guy acts that way. I agree you shouldn't gush all over the one you're interested in with soppy dreamy eyes but I also think acting aloof is the opposite extreme.

 

As for the hot and cold signals I find that I am automatically doing them as natural responses to the way he is acting. But rather than his cold signals making me more interested, they make me feel less like making an effort resulting in any cold signals I might give. On the other hand if I get a hot signal, I always respond in a warm manner.

 

Interesting stuff. I guess I will just have to wait and see

[Beec]

Well, I think we need to do what works. If playing a bit of a game works, play on. If playing hopscotch screws things up, then try foursquare or scrabble.

 

In that vein, my other suggestion: make fun of his hot and cold. When he is standoffish, ask him if he is having a bad day in a joking manner, ask if he ran out of coco puffs for breakfast. When he has a good day, tell him jokingly that he only wants you for your body or something.

[Jaela]

Bamboo, what does his body language and eyes tell you? It doesn't matter how a man acts with me (Hot and cold, distant and aloof), I always somehow manage to catch a glimpse of their true feelings ... eyes simply don't lie. He's looking down when you sit close? If you caught his eye, what would it tell you? What do you see when you catch him looking at you from afar? How is his body language?

 

Also, does he have a way of contacting you? Does he call?

[bamboo]

No Jaela we haven't had any reason to swap numbers or anything yet... if ever My gut instinct from his body language is that he is attracted to me and but it is only a hunch and then his mixed signals just confuse me. Maybe I should just bite the bullet, ask him out, and put myself out of this misery

[kellbell]

Bamboo, it could be one of two things, he's very shy and not sure where to go with this. So as others suggested, I would simply ask if he is interested so you can put you mind to rest. Or it can be, as Beec wrote, he is playing the aloof card, and believe, many, many guys play this card A LOT! Been there, done that. It's sort of a test. So if that's the case, I would play aloof back. Guys always shy away from needy clingy girls. So instead of saying they don't want you, they act like a jerk instead. No guy feels honest telling a girl that he is not interested so they play the jerk so get you to back off (always seems to have the opposite effect though). That's just my take on the whole thing. Someone once told me that the person who cares the least, always control the situation. This seems to be the case here. Good luck and take care.