I just broke up with my boyfriend..did I do the right thing?

[pattysky]

A question to you all from my dear friend Lucie (she is not a member yet).....

Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and it was like pulling teeth to finally get engaged, but he did relunctantly. At times he can be verbally abusive, somewhat physically abusive, (threw a ceramic mug at me), and he makes me feel guilty a lot in addition to insulting me.

I still love him and I don't know if I am doing the right thing since we have so much time together. I love his daughter, yet sometimes he treats his ex wife with more respect than he treats me. I'm so hurt and confused. He's not all bad, and we did have many good times together, but I always feel insecure and he doesn't help the situation.

I"ve accepted a lot of his baggage, and he acts like he's doing me the favor of being with me. My heart is always heavy and I don't feel respected. I am so confused, and hurt. Did I do the right thing by ending the relationship? and if I did, why do I feel so terrible???

[goddess23]

BE STRONG! obviously you did the right thing, for you yourself to actually see these major faults means that they were relatively apparent! this relationsihp was obviously a major part of your life. considering your age it must have been serious and to get to an engagement stage definitely means it was something significant. it will be difficult painful and confusing when ending something like that. thats completely natural (gawd i felt that way after my first relationship at 16!). he obviously hurt you and the negative definitely outweighed the positive. you need to be with someone who you NEVER EVER use the word abusive to describe their behavior towards you. i mean its one thing to not be get the queen treatment but to be with someone like that is not worth it. being with this guy is showing very little self respect. look i know how difficult it is to love someone and how difficult it is to try and move on and im not even tlaking about an engagement. so i KNOW to say it is MUCH EASIER then doing it but it is CLEAR THAT THIS WAS THE RIGHT DECISION. be strong and just tell yourself you are now a stronger person and you can now move on to someone worth your love. good luck

[precious_babae]

Well obviously the way you are looking at the relationship is as awful as he is too. "Acting as if he is doing a favor for me being with me" or whatever, wait a second, do you feel its a favor for you to be with him because of his "baggage" This is just a bad relationship it seems like. Nobody should feel like a relationship is a favor. Love is love and you should be in love if your going to get married. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! I don't think it wouldve worked out in the end. You feel so terrible because you thought you had your life completed, and all of a sudden you looked a little deeper and realized your getting yourself into a bigger mess. How heartbreaking! You will get over it, and you will thank yourself later for the devastating yet best decision you will ever make in your entire life.

[RayKay]

Why would you really want to be with someone you have to "force" to want to marry you, who belittles you, clearly does not respect you. A reluctant husband will not make a happy marriage either. Why settle for someone who only is good/treats you well 10, 20, 50, 80 % of the time, don't you believe you are deserving of someone who treats you great 100% of the time?

 

At times he can be verbally abusive, somewhat physically abusive, (threw a ceramic mug at me), and he makes me feel guilty a lot in addition to insulting me.

 

This is WAY more than enough to say yes, you did the right thing! Never settle for a situation where you are verbally & physically abused. It will crush your self esteem over time, and that guilt is part of their manipulation - a way to shift blame from them to you, so you are the one who feels "sorry" for sparking him off into hitting you for example.

 

Move on, I know its hard as you spent so much time with him, but honestly it is the best thing you can do. And in time, I think you will realize more and more that this was not true love, as true love does not leave us hurting so much.

[saltwatergirl]

Kick to the curb and move on.

 

Salt

[swift44]

i dotn even need to explain why you should leave dis nuttt alone, you already did