How does a young woman gain confidence?

[Losted32flower]

I lost my confidence in the past few months after I was cheated on, and betrayed by a close friend. For a while I didn' t want to get involved with guys because I was so hurt, but now I'd like to get back out there.

 

The problem is that I have a low self-esteem. I take care of myself physically. I'm fit and people tell me I'm pretty, but I think it stops when they see the lack of confidence I have. I wish that I could somehow work up to smiling more, and having more confidence but it doesn't come naturally to me. I don't want to depend on anyone to have a high self esteem. I want to learn how to do it for myself. But I don't even know where to start. . . I think a lot of us go through this at one point or another. I would really love to hear any one's advice. Feel free to respond or pm me. Thanks .

[ubertoast]

I would just go out, find a group of people who have something in common with you, and just become friends. Don't rush into anything. Set your own pace. If you think someone is going to fast, tell him. As time goes, your self-esteem will increase, and you will feel more comfortable in taking harder decisions later on. Just make sure u get a strong base with friends so if anything happens, you have someone to turn to and talk.

 

Severe storms coming by, lol gota shut down for a bit

[DragonGirl724]

be comfortable with yourself. learn to appreciate the character & soul that thrives within you. know that you have somethings that others can not offer. you are uniquely you & there is no other on this planet that is the same. if you believe in yourself & all you can do, you can't go wrong. And your confidence will thrive off of that. and hopefully you will find someone else out there who can appreciate the person you are til no end and adore you for all your worth....but it starts in YOU first.

 

-DG724

[Day_Walker]

Confidence is something that doesnt come from other peoples perception of you. It will only come when you have completely accepted the way you are. Confidence is a state of mind where you are aware of yourself and where other peoples opinion of you doesnt effect how you feel about yourself.

[Jinx]

A few of my friends and others I know have major problems with their self esteem and how they picture themselves. They are all attractive fit and healthy individuals except their self esteem and ability to see something wrong even when it is so minor it doesn't count in most cases.

 

I've always told them they key to start building up one's self esteem is to address the issue which caused the esteem to go Poof into thin air. Whether it be a partner, family, friend, stranger etc... You need to converse with your self - What don't I like about me. What is my problem with me. Make a list with two columns one of ALL the negatives.

 

Next step, review your life and everything and decide what you like about yourself. No matter what it is. No matter how small or large. Make another list in the other column. Review this with yourself. Usually you'll find there is a lot more good than you considered before that was masked by those few negatives which have clouded our self image.

 

I know for myself when I first met all these people with poor esteem and confidence levels, I found it difficult at times to converse with them. That is what turned so many people away who would of loved to of known them better. I on the other hand was able to see past that, because usually the lack of confidence and esteem is expressed in an almost extreme fashion whether they notice it or not. You can almost tell who is going to get up there and can't be bothered and which would rather wiggle into their shell and hope no one notices them.

 

Worse problem is not accepting what others say. If people say you're attractive, you are to them. Don't argue. If you see you're trim and good build don't go digging deeper for this slight wrinkle of skin that pops up if I bend enough this way far enough. First body impression is best don't overanalyze yourself and work into a panic. Also, just be yourself. Because one person cheated doesn't mean they all will. Just because he said this or that in a moment doesn't mean its true.

 

I've often found in the heat of an argument or finding out their other cheated the one who cheated will defend themself or say something very hurtful and they hang on like it is the last grip on life they have. It isn't true. Refer to the top. If people say you look good you are, if you before overanalyzing look good you are. Once you reinforce this and tell yourself that you haven't changed, they were only words or the fault of the other it will progress. You need to let go off what happened that made you lose the esteem. It is essential to working upwards. Also, try to make new friends. It can be really hard, but hey, I can't be the only person out there that can see past the hurt that is there from some past event.