going to college, but all eyes on baby

[sephoraX]

my brother (unemployed) and his girlfriend (surprize surprize-unemployed) are living at home and they just had a baby. I'm very happy for them and i try to help them out in any way possible...but...

 

I'm going away to college at the end of this month and everyone seems to have forgotten. My mother is off all this week to spend time with me, help me pack, and go shopping. but she really doesn't seem to want to do any of these things anymore. she says she doesn't have enough money for shopping (she's planned this week for at least a month) and i have plenty of time to pack. Now i think all she will do is play with the baby all week. All i'm trying to do is make the best of my life, and its really hard to go away from home, but everyone seems to have forgoten because of the baby.

 

I really dont understand. They didn't save any money for college and they aren't taking out a loan to help me pay, but they will let my brother and his girlfriend mooch off them all they want.

 

I'm just trying to do whats right for me, and i want my parents to help, and this is all getting really hard to deal with. i don't know what to do.

[Tigris]

Try talking to them but be careful because they could think you're jealous of the baby taking up the attention you should be getting.

 

Don't help with the baby or they'll rely on you too much. That's what my youngest sister did with our family. Once the newness of the baby wears off it should get better.

 

Take care of yourself. Good luck at college.

[michelemybell]

You are the responsible one in the family, and your parents--and your brother--know it. You will be the one who wins out in the end. Your brother isn't learning anything about responsibility by living off your parents, and he will regret it later on. Unfortunately, you can't change your parents--They're going to do what they're going to do. Honestly, you will have more pride in yourself if you do things (like pay for your schooling) yourself.

It's a new and overwhelming thing with the baby--Your family will come around. Just hang in there. Time will make the difference.

[sephoraX]

thanks for your replies.

 

I tried talking to my mother (father is out of town) and it wasn't easy. I just tried to let her know how i felt and all i got was a massive guilt trip. She jsut tried to make it very clear that i know they pay bills and they can't take a loan because of a past bankruptcy and they are trying not to go trough with that again. (in my opinion, people that are worried about going broke dont have cable internet, digital cable, aol, and other such luxuries that we have, and to add to that they randomly decided to paint the entire inside of the house).

 

I've given suggestions, and i'm willing to scarifice things i don't need.

 

I love my parents very much, but in the 'guilt trip session' my mother persistently told me that she's not a good enough parent to keep me happy and that she will live up to my standards. I feel really bad, because the latter half of that is thus far true. She isn't living up to my standards. They dont seem to be trying very hard. It seems like they dont know who to point fingers at so they just give me the giult trip so i'll leave them alone. They also use my brother's situation as a sheild. I understand that they refuse to throw either of their kids out (and i support that) but they haven't even slightly motivated him. He sits around and does nothing while he, his girlfriend, and now the baby all get paid for by my parents.

 

i know that i will do very well for myself in the end, but getting there is really hard at the moment and i don't know how to ask for my family's help without them taking it the wrong way.

[michelemybell]

Well, it seems like you're on your own with this one kiddo because your parents aren't budging. Instead of hitting them up for money, do all you can to get school loans and scholarship money (which is easier to get than you think). Look into a part-time job. A last resort is a low-interest credit card.

 

I think the correct term for what your parents are doing with your brother is called "enabling". Basically, they aren't helping him at all by being compassionate about his situation. In turn, he is not motivated to change. He will not learn a thing and it will get harder to change as time goes by. It will affect his relationship with his girlfriend. But you know what? You can't do anything about it. All you can do is thank your lucky stars that you are not your brother. Take care of yourself now. That's the best you can do.

Also, I think once you start taking care of yourself you wil be setting a great example to your brother who might learn a thing or two from you.

[melrich]

Baby's have a way of doing this...becoming the centre of attention. Don't try and fight it, you will look mean spirited and grasping. Accept this is your brother's time in the sun and your turn will come.