need help, ideas or direction

[fuzztub07]

hello all. i'm a first time poster (and never been one to post much on forums really), but i'm dying over here and can use some of help.

 

before i start on the current situation a background may help. i dated and fell in love with my x-wife in 8th grade. from the moment i met her i knew i had to be with her. as time past she had our child at the age of 17 and we married at 18 and i went into the miliary at 18 (army infantry). it lasted about a yr and a half before she couldn't deal with me being gone most of the time and left me for another g.i. i was severly tore up over for the last few years (25 now) and really avoided relationships (few flings nothing more), due to my feelings i still had.

 

after about the last 2 years or so i i've finally gotten over the whole thing, and while i may not have activily been trying to find someone, i kept an eye open. a friend of mine has a girl he's been dating for 2 years now and this year she got active on the "i'm finding you someone" deal. well she never had any luck until i met her cousin 5 months ago.

 

this is where it all starts i guess....

 

i first saw a pic of this girl a year and a half ago and always wanted to meet her, but at the time she was in a very long term relationship. i gave up hope in it, but in dec of last year she broke up with her b/f of 5 years for the 5th or 6th time. 4/5 months later i meet her and we click instantly. we even talked online only before we talked or met for a month and a half. she never met a guy to buy her flowers, take her out, be goofy and make her feel special in a very long time (guess i should mention here she's never really dated anyone her age as her ex is almost 20 yrs older than her).

 

now the one major thing that worries me about the whole thing is that they still lived together, everyone told me it was just cause they had bought this house last summer and she didn't want to take her son out of the situation till she graduated school after this year. i was fine with that and she promised me that was the story. so, i go along with it. well i go up to vist her and she wants to head to a bonfire at her house with him one night, i had a bad feeling it wouldn't turn out well.... it didn't. as per my conversation with her he'd try and win her back and he did try. he did alot, but she never gave him a yes or a no (as i've just found out, he even proposed to keep her). well as time has passed, he found out we are still together and kicked her and her son out. i feel horrible about this and it was never my

intention, esp with what i've been through i'd hate to do that to anyone else.

 

we've now hit the point of almost 2 weeks after he kicked them out. the first few days she was ok and talked to me quiet a bit. but after that she wanted some time to herself to get it all worked out (get a new apartment, transfer some bills, get her mind together) and i went with it as she promised it would only be a few days. well i'm now hitting a week and a half and no word from her. her cousing tells me "messages" she says to pass on to me, but i'm really starting to feel left out/cast aside.

 

i guess after all the time we've spent together over the last few months i feel really attached and this time apart is killing me. how long do i wait? her cousin says she said she'll call me after she unpacks and that she wants me to come up this weekend, but she also said nothing was up with her and her now x and that this would only be "a few days".

 

in the back of mind i feel bad for what has happened, i want to do something/be there and i want to know what's up. i really know she does not want me to call her right now, so what do i do? how long should i wait/keep beating myself up/hoping and watching my phone to ring? at this point i really feel if she would had told me to "jump off" i'd be over it/dealing with it, but this i'll call you shortly and the messages keep my hopes going and it drives me nuts.

 

sorry for the vent, i hope it makes sense as i really needed to get that off my chest. i know none of you know me and my this is my first post and all, but any advice would be appreciated. thanks for listening.

[heloladies21]

Calm down. Keep yourself busy with your things, take care of yourself (dress well, go to the gym, keep looking good), and you have to start talking to other girls. Just innocent conversation if that's all you want, but you need to take the pressure off the situation.

 

Whatever you do, don't call her or relay msgs to her. If you did, then you messed it all up!

[LILI]

Hey ... so ...where is it that they make guys like you again??. Hehe, listen ... i have no idea who you are ... but from your post you have my syndrome! that is getting really attached to people ... fast ... and that my friend is not good. Granted you and her are an item ... or were ...but from my point of view , your not gonna like what im going to say but you really need to stop worrying about her ...and others. Everybody has to deal with something crappy at any point of their life ...and this she has to deal with. If i were you, i would go up to her and ask her, tell her exactly how you feel, tell her you like her and want something serious, tell her you want to be with her and the kid and you want to help them out and tell her you want to do it now ...because ... why wait? right?. Now ...i dotn know her ...so expect anything, go in there prepared and whatever happens ... well it was meant to be. Also ... try not to obsses over one person only ... try to spread ur intersts around, not other women, but other stuff... because that happens to me ...and ppl end up being ungreatfull or they just cant asnwer the same way ...well im rambling on now ... just be happy and whatever happens it was meant o be that way.

Byez

[sonjam]

I can totally understand her need for a little space, to deal with things, the move the breakup and everything, but usually if you have someone you (love) you would much rather rely on that person to give you reassurance and support, rather than running away.

 

A few days, yes, but a week and a half with no contact - I'm sorry to say, but I think she is stringing you along. It is not fair to have space, and then send the odd message to keep you interested, while she obviously doesn't know what it is she wants. If she wanted you, my friend, she would have been with you by now.

 

Confront / Contact her if it is important enough, otherwise I suggest you go out and find the right person. You deserve more than just breadcrumbs

 

[fuzztub07]

thanks for the replys everyone. kinda weird to post this stuff to total strangers but it felt good to get this off my chest last night and read some feedback, thanks.

 

heloladies21:

 

yeah i've been doing a bit of that. had a friend home on leave and we spent a few nights out with some old friends last week. guess i should pull the mountain bike back out though (been a few weeks). already beat 3 video games i've had lying around here for a year to play (still need to finish doom 3 and ffvi).

 

lili:

 

yeah i guess i do get attached pretty fast and she does know i want something serious and she definatly sounded like she wanted something serious before all this. we've had many a conversation about our future together and what roads we'd like to travel, so i don't think confronting her with the whole idea again is such a great idea, i'll probly end up coming off like some wacko... i don't wanna do that. she knows how i feel already.

 

sonjam:

 

you pretty much summed up how i feel. i could understand her need for space at first, and even though it hurt to cut all contact for a bit i did. she even promised me that the "few days" wouldn't turn into weeks/months. but i think your right, she's not sure what she wants. i don't think i'll contact her (ball is in her court like she wanted), but i did pack up a bunch of stuff she's given me over the last few months (cards, necklaces, pictures, drawings, etc.) and if i don't hear from her soon, i'll drop it off at her dads (he's pretty cool, really liked me) with some comics i have for her son and just leave a note saying that if she makes up her mind and she does want me she can give it back.

[confusedashell]

If I were you, Id drop off her stuff and its really a great thing to leave those comics for her son. nice guy you seem to be. But dont leave the note for her. Just leave it and walk away. If she thinks you're hanging around for her she'll never make her mind up. Just act totally indifferent about it. You'll get your answer sooner rather than later.

 

chin up!!