How to be interested but not desperate?

[Helpme86]

So how do you show a girl that you like her but you want to play it cool and not call her all the time, and not text her on her cell? We talked a day ago, and nothing today. I was waiting for her to respond to my last text, so I did not want to text again and seem needy/desperate. The a couple nights ago she basically begged me to go over to her house, but she also wanted me to bring my friends if I was with them(??). In the end I never got to her house, but I really wanted to go. What can/should I do? Thanks.

[dreamguy]

Well I would start by what you mentionned in your post: "be cool" which is exactly the opposite of "be needy" in the dating arena.

 

From my own experience I can tell you that women have a very strong detection system within them and they will know if you are faking it. I mean they will feel it when you play it cool without REALLY being cool on the inside.

So you have to learn how to control your emotions and needs when around women. It has to come from an inner conviction not just a shallow mask that you wear on the surface. This takes training and practice my friend. You have to work on your personality and your will to make them overcome your immediate desires (like calling her 10 times every day or telling her you like her a lot !).

In the end, if/when you reach this state of firm control over yourself, you will come accross as more attractive to women. Women want a guy who's got it going on.

 

Here are a few things that you can do to be cool when first dating someone:

1 ) don't call more than once or twice per week.

2 ) don't talk about your feelings (this includes telling her that you like her).

3 ) don't smile a lot (smiling a lot is a sign of someone who's seeking other people's approval).

4 ) don't lean forward when you are talking to her... just lean backwards and stay relaxed.

5 ) don't speak in a fast pace. It makes you look nervous.

6 ) don't buy gifts unless it's her birthday then you can get something nice but necessarily expensive for her if you have just met her. Buying gifts too soon is another sign of someone who's seeking approval.

7 ) don't always go by her plans. Apologize (every once in a while) and say you cannot make it since you already have other plans and then try to reschedule for another day if possible.

8 ) don't talk about your job, your family, etc... those are all boring topics on dates.

 

I hope this helps.

[LILI]

Ask yourself what is so good about this girl that has you posting for advice over the internet to ppl that you dont even know hehe.

Let's see.... i remember this guy i really liked .... he would call me ... but he wouldnt be available all the time ...and he would be a little mysterious ... like ppl would call him ... and i would ask who was it and he would say dont worry about it. Also killer dates draw women closer ... like ..go shotting or something ask her out for that ... and dont asnwer all her phone calls ... dont focus on her though .... umm ...

[OceanEyes]

Well, you seem to know how to be "cool" and have a few ideas, but a few problems implementing them.

 

It's okay to call her. However, don't cancel plans for her or make yourself available 24/7. Despite the fact that I think games are silly, I can honestly say that there would be something boring about a guy who would cancel plans for me and just rush over whenever I asked him to. Just go with the flow for the time being.

[dpressedone89]

dont call too late or too early, like middle of the day calls seem less desperate dont call like more than2 or 3 times a day unless its like your trying to plan something together and a call ends with "call me back". ask her at the end of a call if its cool to call her later, as far as Texting goes dont text just to say mindless thing, things like "hey, call me" or "wanna do something later?" are fine. perhaps invite her along with your friends, this shows you do other things besides wait for her to call, lets her know you like her but still have a life, and makes her feel included

-stitches

[northernlights]

Personally for me, I hate it when a guy is pretending to be all cool when he's obviously interested in me. Games are immature, and I think if you like someone, just tell them already. It's not like they haven't already figured it out anyway, if you've been showing some interest before.

 

I understand that super needy boys can be a turn off too though, but remember that if you try to play it cool, you may accidentally come off as cold and turn her off just the same. In response to an earlier suggestion:

 

2 ) don't talk about your feelings (this includes telling her that you like her).

3 ) don't smile a lot (smiling a lot is a sign of someone who's seeking other people's approval).

4 ) don't lean forward when you are talking to her... just lean backwards and stay relaxed.

8 ) don't talk about your job, your family, etc... those are all boring topics on dates.

 

The rest of the suggestions were pretty good, but I believe that you DEFINITELY should smile when talking to her. You like a girl who smiles at you, right? How will a girl know you're interested if you don't smile at her? That's the #1 way I gauge how much a guy likes me, and if a guy I'm interested in won't smile at me, I'll assume he's not interested and lose interest in him. The same works with leaning forward...maybe don't do it all the time, but if it happens naturally, don't force yourself back. It's the subtle clues like that that help us girls know if it's worth being interested in the guy we're talking to!

 

If you want to get closer to the girl, you also *should* divulge your feelings once in a while. If you don't, what makes you any different from all her other acquantinces and friends?

 

And job, family, etc. can make great conversation starters. The secret is to talk about HER job, HER family, so that you seem interested in her. 9 out of 10 times, talking about basic topics like that will help you branch out into more fun topics as well.

 

Good luck wih this girl! And remember, it's okay to show her that you like her. I've been having the hardest time gauging if this one guy I know likes me, because he's the eternally "cool" type who hides his feelings...which is plain annoying!

[Day_Walker]

The key is building up comfortability with her, now this could take some time or it could actually happen pretty quickly it just depends on the people involved. What you want to do is act like a friend, that means that you treat her like you would treat anyother friend. Do you worry about coming off needy as your friends? Once she gets to know you she will know what your behavior is like and that will remain consistant with your actions thats how you come off as playing it cool.

[ReaderGrrl]

I've been emailing this girl I'm into about once every month, because I know how incredibly busy she is. The last time I heard from her was in March or April, and she gave me a mixed message: no she doesn't have time for a new "friendship," and yes, going out with me always sounds like a good idea, but something that can wait. So I guess it doesn't really matter whether you're desperate or not.

[Helpme86]

Sounds like good ideas. 8)

I'll prob see her tommrow and I wolnt text or call her at all today. Hopefully I wolnt cave in though. I have been super busy the past days, but I still had plenty of time to talk to her(but I did not). So if she ask why I did not call would it be ok to say:

Sorry, I was really busy, but tonight I'm free and I don't work tommrow....?

Sound good?

[Jaela]

If she asks why you haven't called, just say, "ive been busy" (doing so and so - if you feel comfortable sharing with her). I don't see any reason to start that statement with an apology, after all, you are not obligated to call her. If you had said you'd call and didn't, however, that would be a situation to warrrant the apology.

 

When you call, tell her that you'd like to see her again and ask if she'd like to get together. If she responds positively, try to make plans during your free day tomorrow. This shows that you are thinking of her, even in your busy life which hasn't been put on hold. Sincere, upfront and honest. Good luck