winning them back

[lawandorder]

BLACK SNAKE

 

I cant spend alot of time in one nite giving all details but I can do this in steps. Pretty simple and it works.

 

BLACK SNAKE: Well, ya see where I come from its called a king snake. Texas if ya wonder. Its a good snake. It kills the bad snakes and cannot not hurt humans.

 

Now the black snake will run from you. I mean it will just run as long as you chase it. Then when you stop chasing and turn your back, buddy here it comes full speed.

 

This is human nature as well. I dont care the deal unless it is drugs or abuse. Then you go above me on how to work the plan. This plan works but is not good when used to just get someone back and you really dont care.

 

Here is a little histroy about me. And I did this plan and it worked.

 

My ex and I fought for a few months. Married for 3 years. She never worked and I gave her the world. Houses, cars and so forth. Problem she was 21 and I was 32. Anyway. She filled for divorce in Jan of this year. I lived in hell for 7 weeks. Then I put a plan into action and she took it hook line and sinker.

 

1st. Focus on yourself. Work on your career or school. Work on your weight. work out and get the body you have always wanted. Focus on you. Put forth the effort. No matter what stick to a diet and work out plan. If you dont have the coin to get equipment or cant hit the gym then walk, run and push ups and sit ups and so forth. But this will help the mind and the body. Diet is very important. Most of us either dont eat when down or over eat. Eat right and drink water and alot of it. And get your rest as well. You will feel beter about yourself and it will help your mind as well. For the record I went from 236 pounds down to 183 in 6 weeks. My waist dropped 4 sizes and my chest and arms grew like crazy.

 

2nd. NC but contact is needed. Whatttt??? ok, you want to go a few days and leave them alone. Then make up an excuse for a little contact. then go 2 extra days longer than the time before and then a little contact. Then go 3 days longer and so forth. Do not go over 10 days. Dont expect them to just fall over you.

 

3rd. Act happy. If you are not happy, they you better fake it. YOur world is perfect. you are happy and things are going great. Make them think you are doing well and you are happy. If its word of mouth getting back to them that your happy or what ever. Just make them think you are happy and care free. But dont go over board.

 

4th. No serious talks. Keep it short and sweet. Keep it happy talk. Good mood and happy talk. Do not argue. Just agree. Even if they say they want a divorce. just agree and give them what they want. Dont argure. Remembrer when you argure you are fighting with them to tell them that they are wrong and you are right. So dont argue.

 

5th. No "I love you" or I have changed. Prove it. Dont speak of it. You cannot change them but you can change you. when you change then people around you will change as well.

 

6th. Be careful not to hurt someone else. But go out and have fun. Try to have fun. Date others. But be careful. They cannot say much since they left you. but do not lead on the person you date if you intend on getting back with the ex. But dating others is very good. If the other one thinks someone is interested in you then they will soon chase since they will think you are not after them. But even if the ex never knows it will help you. Sounds crazy but it will help you alot.

 

Now there are alot of things in between. But this is the start and the basic. But remember this. When the time comes to get back do not do it all at once. Take a few weeks of gentle getting back together. Not all at once.

 

Remember, getting yourself in line is step one. It is the hardest but the most important. When focused on your career or school and you over all looks and diet and so forth is alot of work and will keep your mind off everything. Or should I say help. Remember that time heals alot and when you get back on mental track you will also be on a physical up swing. It works. Also think of this. People want what they cant have. So do not make yourself like a little puppy just waiting. Play hard to get. Even if they dont seem like they want you it will bring them closer if they feel you may and I say may be moving on.

 

If you agree or not please give some feed back or questions

[regret1]

Welcome back....so happy you are here again. I have been reading your post over and over...and your second relapse. So did she come back???

I really look at your earlier post when I just broke up with my ex. I have followed and been strong. It is hard though.

[TiredMan]

I think that is generic though. It all depends on the people, type of relationship and things like that. Some people, when given space, will emotionally detach while some will do what you said. Fact of life, you know?

[SkyFire]

Good post.

 

However once you get yourself back on your feet, you will realize that you dont even want to get back with the ex

 

Im serious.

[lawandorder]

Well, I won my ex back. Problem was the new girl ended up winning me. There were so many positives with her. My ex begged me for 6 weeks (while we were back together) not to go through with the divorce. I made up an excuse and did it anyway. Then she got mad a few days after and moved out. Well, I packed her up. Then the new girl is my girl now. She has lived with me for 3 months now. My ex dated another guy for a month and then tried like heck to get me back and she tried for a few weeks and then started dating another guy and she still calls me. I am nice and polite but thats it. I still love her but my feelings are so weak for her now its not funny. I still work out daily and have kept my daily plan going. Feel better now than I have in so many years. Who knows who I will end up with but for now I am pleased.

 

Now, on the fact of being generic. Watch Dr. Phill and all that stuff. They give advice of what logic tells you. Let me ask a question. If you get your poop in a group. You get your career on track. You get your life on track You get your body the way you want it. How can this not help someone. I am not a religious freak. But I even got back in chruch and now I go on Wednesday nights and on Sundays and take part. Once you get on a positive roll you just keep going in the right directions. Now alot of people may end up like me. Finding somone else that just sweeps them off their feet and dont want to go back. But my plan is not 100% but it has had a 99% rate of success. I did have one friend that is not doing well. LOL But when you do find someone else and you have been doing the plan most dont have bad feelings. Its not looking for the greener grass. its moving on and wanting too.

 

Each case is different. True. But that is why differnet cases take different types of adise for it to work. There is no one manual to success. But alot of times with some help it works.

[GreatGuy]

I have been back and forth with my ex, mostly because she gives a little and I give a little too, she gives a lot more and I tend to give just as much. When that happens and we're spending alot of time together she removes herself from us, wants to be friends out of the blue, feels scared. Its a pattern she's aware of and has said would like to have a balance in our relationship. SHe told me recently that while we're slowing down the boy/girlfriend stuff that I shouldn't think she doesn;t love me.

 

I now realize that its also my fault as I make myself too available. I too need to have a better balance in my relationship with myself and with her. I have come along way since the first time we broke up in Nov., but it sure doesnt feel that great when she moves away from me when we begin to get heavy, or have parties at our home, or spend more than 4 days together. I have read your post and find it quite helpful, in fact all my close friends have recommended similar tactics. We spend the night together(no sex) on sunday, and had a great time at her request, but I am planning on not seeing her nor speaking to her for at least four more days. I think that is a great thing to do.

[newnub]

what if ur ex is seeing someone already?

[Shadows Light]

If you get your poop in a group. You get your career on track. You get your life on track You get your body the way you want it. How can this not help someone.

 

And the BLACK SNAKE analogy........... OMG... tooooo funny. You had me laughing silly. Love it. And will quote it.

 

Not sure about your Black Snake Theory in my case. I'm the dumper of a "ssssssssssnake" a cotton mouth viper. lol. And...yessssssssssss. he used some of your approach to lull me into a false sense of security.... but he gave the game away....when I looked into his eyes and caught the glint of guile and venom. And when I heard the hiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssss of his words... the jig was up.

 

and then....

I did just the opposite... I waited for it to come to me. And watched as it grew frustrated with keeping up a fake front... frustrated with keeping up a petense of change and contrition. Until it coiled up and got ready to strike again....and then... I did what any good hunter would do.....

 

I stepped on his head... and threw him out again.

 

The living well idea... yep... its working. Slowly but surely. Its working to MY advantage. And its good... to be feeling good about me.

 

And yeahhhhh Dr. Phil... love lots of his homespun anecdotes. Some of them do apply well and do work.

 

Thanks for the POST... I absolutely LOVED your analogy!!!!

 

And good for you. I'm glad that it worked out well for you. Not quite what you expected...but hey, alls well that ends well.

[danimal77]

Law,

 

Sorry, my man, even though your theory does work and God knows the people on here who remember me, will know how successful I was at winning her back 3 record breaking times, against ALL odds.

 

Ok, the flaw I see is this. Sure, when you stop chasing, they no longer have to run away from you anymore and if they are "STILL" emotionally engaged with you, they will be curious and so forth and will for the most part, sit still and it will make it that much easier for you, when you make your indirect and infrequent moves, while remaining indifferent, aloof, detached, unpredictable, yet friendly and so, there is always the chance of their interest level coming back, HOWEVER, if they are really over you and want to move on and have in fact moved on, say with another guy, then when you stop chasing, this DOES give them a chance to do the same thing and NO, they will not chase you. Sure, they won't run away anymore, but you see, the thing is, for the most part, if you have played this game with them before and yes. it is a game, then they will be expecting you to make a move at some point, no matter how indirect and non-threatening it may be. So, any move that is initiated by you, will be met with their guard and defenses up and yes, this can be overcome by you, but I just don't agree with the whole aspect of you "faking" being happy. That my friend is total b.s., because all it establishes is a short term goal of winning back, but once you get them back, you will lose them just as fast as it took you to win them back. I am 100% sure of this.

 

To all who are interested in really setting up a foundation, I recommend all of this above advice, of working out, working on your self-confidence and dating others and doing things for you and only you, but 10 days of NC is a joke. 2-3 months maybe. Otherwise, you are ripping off the bandade long before it has a chance to have healed.

 

Peace,

 

Danimal

[lawandorder]

So you are saying NC for months is a better bet. No plan what so ever. If you win them back it wont last??? Working on yourself and so forth is a joke???? HMMMMM I guess I asked for it this type of thing in my first post on this thread.

 

If you go months with no contact you will heal and get over the other person. But if you want to stay on their mind you have to have some sort of contact. Wont last??? The post is on how to win them back not keep them for your entire life. Most people learn from their mistakes and avoid them in the future. They remember the pain of losing the mate.

 

You stop chasing and if they want to move on they will do so. I have never seen a ex leave and want to leave a happy and none fighting mate unless they moved on with someone else. But most of the time if they have moved on like that it wont last. Most of the time it is a rebound.

 

You should give advice on what not to do when you win them back. Give the advice on what you did to run them off that many times. Thats a trip.

 

the main focus that we have to remember is to really focus on ourselves. Body and mind. by the end, no matter the outcome you are way ahead of the game.

[regret1]

I truly agree with Lawandorder, on all the aspect of winning back the ex. However, I am still debating the time NC should be. I am with danimal77 that NC should be a little longer. I am still trying to sort out that answer too. Guys debate!!!

[GreatGuy]

I think it all depends on the type of relationship you had before. If its something where the two of you are mature and agree to redevelop other aspects of your relationship by cooling down the I love you stuff, but still have great admiration for each other, than sure this is a great thing and the potential outweighs the risk. But if you;re in a relationship built out of insecurities leading to immature behaviors, then it doesn't matter what you do it may not work. We all owe it to ourselves to better our mental and physical and spiritual make up. Afterall there is nothing wrong with feeling good about your body, loving yourself and the way you live!!

 

IF anything, this is reminding you to keep this up even after the loved ones have come back into yourlife. What happens is that people stop doing the little things they did to get that person back, once they have em, they take them for granted, they stop looking good, thinking responsibily, stop doing the little stuff. This is a major flaw in humans, the fact that we become complacent and start to desire other things once we have em. THis trait is welknown among viruses...or some other parasites.

I think if you really love someone, love yourself more all the time and go on with your life to your best. Like a magnet your knew found happiness/glow will attrack many others ...including the one you want.

[fantasia2004]

IF anything, this is reminding you to keep this up even after the loved ones have come back into yourlife. What happens is that people stop doing the little things they did to get that person back, once they have em, they take them for granted, they stop looking good, thinking responsibily, stop doing the little stuff. This is a major flaw in humans, the fact that we become complacent and start to desire other things once we have em. THis trait is welknown among viruses...or some other parasites.

I think if you really love someone, love yourself more all the time and go on with your life to your best. Like a magnet your knew found happiness/glow will attrack many others ...including the one you want.

 

 

not all the time does that happen great guy!

[GreatGuy]

IF anything, this is reminding you to keep this up even after the loved ones have come back into yourlife. What happens is that people stop doing the little things they did to get that person back, once they have em, they take them for granted, they stop looking good, thinking responsibily, stop doing the little stuff. This is a major flaw in humans, the fact that we become complacent and start to desire other things once we have em. THis trait is welknown among viruses...or some other parasites.

I think if you really love someone, love yourself more all the time and go on with your life to your best. Like a magnet your knew found happiness/glow will attrack many others ...including the one you want.

 

 

not all the time does that happen great guy!

 

If this was the case then life wouldn't be worth living right? Curved balls are pitched once in a while and its up to you and I to handle it right and step up to the plate, have something to say before you hear ...."STRIKE OUT"!

 

I realize every cases are diff, but what is true about my statements is that regardless of who comes or doesn;t you owe it to you to be the best you can be, work on your own issues, grow beyond your dreams, and be succefull in Humanitarianism. Once you know who you are and can set certain bondaries, than regardless of what people say, do, stay or go, they will be the cheri on top of the cake.

[lawandorder]

brighteyes, great job. Few things to change though. ON the progress. great. Keep it up. But dont tell him. Its like telling him you have changed. So instead, let word get back to him with out you telling him. Keep going with the progress and be around people that can let the word get back. When you talk to him act happy and on cloud nine. but dont let him know why. If he does ask what you are happy about tell him you are just in a good mood and looking forward to some plans you and frineds have or what ever.

 

One thing you may want to consider now is dating others. Or going out with friends where guys are involved. Im not saying sex. But if its been 2 months the date others. Enjoy yourself. And alot of times you wil find someone that you are happier with. Now dont hurt someone else though. Dont use someone for this purpose. Be upfront that you have been in a long relationship and you would love to go out but dont want to miss lead anyone. Honesty is good. but if he finds out you went out with someone else he is going to get mad. But he will get over that. 2 months and he dumped you. His problem. The he will realize that others are interested in you and this will really get him. If he has you wrapped then he can do anything and you will be there to fall back on. but if he feels other men are after you he will get of his but and do something.

 

Worst case is that you find someone else you woulud much rather be with. But dont ever stop the focus on you. I started my plan in Jan 2005 and to this day I have not stopped. 2 1/2 hours a day working out. I love eating right and so forth. I love the results. It will change your life in itself.

[lawandorder]

is bright eyes still out there???

[regret1]

I am still curious Lawandorder and danimal77:

 

Is couple days or months of NC a better method. I am still wondering.

[fantasia2004]

sucks when you knew someone and they forget you forever. but hey those are the breaks.

[byates5637]

I'm wondering the same thing. Is it better to wait a couple of days of NC or weeks or months? What about the idea of not calling them at all and waiting for them to call you. What does everyone think will work best?

[lawandorder]

sorry I have been away on the post. Been on vacation for a bit. Had to have some time away and I mean away from my ex. so me and the new girl went Las Vegas. Had a good time and really helped clear the mind