nothing is working.

[nothingontheinside]

I guess the best way to start out would be by saying that my mother is a 100 percent homophob. She doesn't accept my sexuality at all (I am bisexual to the point of almost being a lesbian, except sometimes I meet guys I like--rarely though) She makes a lot of gay comments around me and makes it clear that she hates gays. I never really "came out" to her, but I told my little brother who is also my best friend and she threatened it out of him with his life (I think thats how it went down) anyway, so she found out then and then I just agreed. She says I'm confused and rebelling. I'm not though. I know who I am, I know these feelings.

Any girl that could possibly be gay, my mom prohibits me from seeing. yes, I can drive, but she moniters my every move and still verbally abuses me a lot.

Because of the way I was raised, I am very scarred, mentally, and physically from self harm (and a broken hand that never healed well after my mom threw a blow-dryer at it). She is trying to teach me that perfection is key, and that society bases my appearances on her, and how she has raised me. Its really messed up. I know that. Therapists have told me that my mom is one messed up person. But I don't know how to deal with it. I can barely take it anymore. Some of the things she says makes me want to kill myself. I have just come out of a really deep hole of depression but she keeps handing me a shovel telling me to dig deep again as she continues to push me in and bury me. It hurts. It's hard. I'm 16 and she says that theres nothing I say that is legal or legit because I am not 18, so my opinion doesnt matter.

I guess I just want some advice. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep.

Thanks. Sorry it was so long and random.

[naughtycowgirl]

You just keep truckin'. your mother is probably pee'd off to find out her daughter is gay. she will over come it over the years. if she doesnt then i dont know what to tell u. just be yourself and dont let her nasty words sit inside your head and burn through your mind. if i was you i would just blow her off. be just nice enough to get by. You know the saying " Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" i think it is how it goes. well just take my advice and let me know further details.

[tainted]

Sweetie! Oh thats so horrible. Just like the above poster said. "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" Hopefully your mother will come around and see by doing this when you are of the legal age that you will have resentment for her and loose out on knowing her daughter more. Just Tough it out is all i can say. Know yourself and love yourself. And don't let her words bother you because they are just anger. A lot of people don't mean what they say in anger. Just take it as that.

"Whatever Doesnt kill us, only makes us stronger"

Keep Strong and Smiling looking for the brighter days.

[Cadence308]

Your mother sounds abusive and I wish I could tell you to move out, but you are still a minor in high school. Do you have good friends that you can talk to to help you through these tough times?

 

I wouldn't let my mother know which friends are lesbian and which aren't. It's none of her business and you need the support of the gay community.

 

You can't help who you are attracted to. I really hope that your mother comes around and comes to realize that she is hurting her daughter by not accepting her. Do you think she is lashing out at you because she thinks you are gay?

[youcantliveinthewoods]

it sounds like your mother is very unhappy and perhaps insecure herself; my guess is, though, that she still loves you very much (even if she doesn't show it). for now, focus on you- what do you want, what do you love to do, what are your talents, how can you use those talents and interests to develop the strong person you want to be in the future? just see that strong woman you know you can be, and try to channel your energy towards staying on track towards becoming her. your mom sounds really hard to be around... and since you can't really leave home yet, my advice would be to just try and stay out of the house as much as possible. surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good for who you are, and try and find some lesbian friends/ mentors that can help with the whole coming-out thing (ugh...but it's worth it). if your mom doesn't want you to go out, then maybe get a job or something or get involved in some kind of activity so that you have a good excuse to stay away. you can do this, it just kind of sucks right now. but it won't be like this forever- just hang in there until you're 18, and stay strong to who you are. remember- it's-only-two-more-years-(gasp) although they may seem like an eternity, they will pass. your mom still has the ability to change her mind about homophobia- especially if she finds out that it's not so freakish and far-from-home after all. in the words of ellen degeneres,

 

"that's where we gay people come from, you straight people"!!!!

[pianoguy]

Your mom is physically and emotionally abusive. If you wanted, you could live in a foster home, you mentioned the incident with the hairdryer.

 

Make sure you keep seeing your therapist!! Your mom needs therapy also, but you cannot force her to do this. Hopefully she is seeing someone.

 

Try to find supportive friends and adult figures outside the home, such as teachers, uncles, aunts, grandparents, ministers, etc. Surround yourself with positive people, lean on your friends and make sure you find good friends. See if there are groups in your area to support gay people with unaccepting families. Or groups that support kids with abusive parents who aren't necessarily gay. Find others to help you, they will make your life easier until you can move out.

[nothingontheinside]

thanks you guys have been extremely helpful!

i will not live in a foster home though... pianoguy. i could not leave my brothers alone with my mom. its not that big of a deal though, really. i just need support, and itshard to get.

i have 3 really really good friends who support me like fully, two of them are technically stepsisters cuz their moms are together, and getting "married" (haha in ohio... right... not legally, but its gonna be a big party) and im going. if my mother were to find out that those two freidns moms are gay, then i wouldnt be able to see them again.

also, the other one of my 3 best friends, i have a huge crush on her. shes straight, or so she says. actually she probably is. its just hard cuz we hang out all the time. anyway. that doesnt matter

thanks again everyon.e