Update on my confusing situation

[confusedashell]

Anyone who wants to read my story its here and in the "Relationship Conflicts" forum. But heres the update. My missus got back from her trip with our son (hes still here for another few days) and we didnt speak much but

 

Well I spoke briefly to her. She came back. Kissed me hugged me. We had sex. dont know why. but we did. She told me she wanted to stay at her fathers place now (its free for the week) because she has had so many people around her that shes desperate for sometime alone to herself. I said ok. I understand. Even though I'm pissed she wouldnt just sit down and talk to me. I'm really irritated that she dropped this on me the day before leaving for his trip with our son and then comes back and goes away again. She knows I'm confused. I told her I dont know if I'm coming or going. I dont know what to think about all this. She said she doesnt know anything either. That right now she is so confused with everything she cant think. One second she wants to finish this, the next we will get back together. She doesnt know whats happening. I said I cant stay here and wonder what the hell is going on with us. I todl her packing this all in for a few problems is insane. She said she just doesnt want a relationship now, doesnt want to think about someone else at all. I was pissed as hell but said nothing and didnt react to it. I told her that I think me and my son will go to the UK for a month when he gets back and after that come back up for a few days. We do this until christmas when she comes to the UK to spend xmas there. I todl her that by then I need an answer of what she wants. To be with me or not. She said she needed to think about it all and that she cant right now. She said she is as confused about all this as I am. But now she considers this finished. Doesnt want a divorce though. She acts like a mixture of hot and cold. Not there but not out either. I dont know what to think. I told her we need to sort this out so she said that she will call me tomorrow and will come here on wednesday to talk.

I think its pretty much just over. End of story. Shes maybe just afraid to give me a straight answer because she is having doubts. Kissing me all the time is a mystery to me, hugging me, rubbing my face. holding my hand. dont know what to think. I just need an answer, either way. She says things have been so hard for her the last sex months and she cant deal with it and right now, isnt even interested to fix it. Later she said, maybe later. Right now all she can think of is time alone. I askedabout if we can sleep around, dont know why, but I needed to know and thought that might make things clearer for me, but it was just as vague. She said shes not even thinking about that, thats not what this is about. I said ok, but if you see someone who is showing interest would you have sex? she said thats not what this is about, I dont want to have to feel liek I have to answer to anyone now, i dont want to have to deal with you asking me if I did this or that.

 

sorry to rant. I just thought Id let you know of the update. In all honesty, there wasnt much talking. More her just stressing out and wanting to go to her fathers to be alone.

 

Its over aint it?

[Shidoshi]

She told me she wanted to stay at her fathers place now (its free for the week) because she has had so many people around her that shes desperate for sometime alone to herself.

It's YOU who she needs time away from.

I'm really irritated that she dropped this on me the day before leaving for his trip with our son and then comes back and goes away again. She knows I'm confused.

And she's using this leverage to play with your emotions like a fiddle.

She said she just doesnt want a relationship now, doesnt want to think about someone else at all.

She's not bluffing my friend.

I was pissed as hell but said nothing and didnt react to it.

Stop being so "passive" about this. You need to put your foot down and tell her you aren't going to put up with this. You putting up with all this makes you look extremely needy and desperate in her eyes and it'll only make things worse.

We do this until christmas when she comes to the UK to spend xmas there. I todl her that by then I need an answer of what she wants. To be with me or not. She said she needed to think about it all and that she cant right now.

Again, as long as you allow her to rule your emotions you WILL lose.

She said she is as confused about all this as I am.

She's not confused, YOU are. She doesn't share the same feelings that you have about her. Can you not see how one sided this is?

Kissing me all the time is a mystery to me, hugging me, rubbing my face. holding my hand. dont know what to think. I just need an answer, either way.

Have you ever heard of the saying you're being "strung along"? That's what she's doing. She's comfortable, and has her options open so if/when a better deal comes she'll leave you high and dry. She already gave you your "answer."

I think its pretty much just over. End of story.

Smartest thing I've read so far.

Its over aint it?

Yup. The harder you try and change her mind or get an answer the farther away you push her. She isn't in danger of losing you, so right now she could care less about your pleading. I gaurantee you she's lying about there not being someone else she's thinking about, that's usually a pretty strong motivator.

[confusedashell]

If my son was here, I'd already have left. I have to wait until he gets back and I dont care what happens, I'm gone.

 

About there being someone else. This is a real tricky one. In some ways, I could think yeah prehaps. Yesteday she could have stayed and went to work but she didnt. She wanted to go. She didnt go to work today, she called in sick and the phone at her fathers if off the hook (ok she does that all the time here when she sleeps). That is worrying. But at the same time, she hasnt ever lied to me about anything and she isnt a liar to anyone, so I have to take her word for it until I either find out myself or she tells me. IU asked her right now, calmy and told her I want the truth if there was someone else. She swore on her son that there wasnt. I dont want to push that.

 

Either way, if everything she is saying to me is true and at face value, I still dont want this anymore. She used me, pure and simple. Now she is showing me no respect whatsoever. So thats that. When my son comes back, we'rew gone. We'll figure out what to do with him. But I'm not fighting this anymore.