I feel like he's given up on our friendship, and it hurts...

[havealittlefaithinme6]

My friend Parker is probably one of the best friend's I've ever had. He was always so loyal to me and always respected me and what I had to say. We've been friends for about a year and at one point we were talking everyday and we never got off the phone with each other, we just had that connection...about 2 months ago he took a trip to Virginia for about 2 weeks and we had never been away from each other really so we both got all sad and emotional and he confessed his true feelings for me, that he wanted me as more than a friend. I was truly flattered, but I didn't want that, as wonderful as he was I didn't want to risk a rare and wonderful friendship, I told him that I loved his as a friend and that there's truly someone better than me out there for him. He was definitely heartbroken, but he continued to confess his love for me for about the next 2 weeks, I just kept taking it in, but I never really said anyhing back or showed that I was interested in him. Today, we never hang out anymore...we only talk on the phone maybe 2-3 times a week, but I know our friendship was true, it wasn't just some 1 year thing, I felt that it could last forever...I know we were both in it for the friendship, so why are we/him so different towards each other? and I really want things back to the way they were the old days...so How can I change things?

 

I really miss him. Thank you if you've read this.

[swift44]

somethign liek that happened to me, with me being the friend in love lol, but yea he probaly just feels too nervous nowadays, i know when my friend found out how i felt it was agaisnt my will but since your friend built up the courage to tell you im sure he probaly feels hurt i think it would be best to call him up and ask him why ya'll dotn tlk liek that anymore and if it has to do with him telling you how he felt just talk about it, im sure if you let em know how important the friendship is to you , and how youmfeel about current situations things will proabaly get solved and fixed good luck

[elveden]

That's very true. You should let him know how much he meant to you as a friend. I can imagine it's difficult, being friends with someone who has rejected you, but if you and him have a special connection as you put it, then that little event shouldn't have ruined your friendship.

 

If I were you i'd call him, ask him to meet you somewhere (I wouldn't try to speak on the phone about a situation as delicate as this) and talk it all through. Both express how you truly feel about each other, and what you'd like to happen in the future. See if you can come to an agreement with him, that you remain friends. Perhaps use the age old method of letting someone down gently and tell him "I'm not really interested in getting into a relationship now, but let's stay friends and you never know what might happen in the future"..

[havealittlefaithinme6]

thanks swift44 and elveden.

[suprema99]

There's been alot of posts on this subject in the past. The situation your in is a no win situation. I would say that 75% of his being close and your best friend, was because he thought something more would come out of it. He's a guy. He wants sex definetley, and maybe possibly a relationship. This was his main motivation. I would say you have to cut it off if your not intrested in him. He will just resent you the more you reject him and are with him. My suggestion is to get more girlfriends as best friends and not guys. Unless attraction is not involved, both guys and girls I think can never be just friends.

[dunno_wat_to_do]

yeah, basically all you can really say is that if u hav an over-friends relationship you cud hav an argument and break up and that will be the end of u both and u will h8 eachother, so its bettr to stay long term friends in my opinion.

[queenofvalidation]

sounds like he may be a little embarrassed that he put himself out there and you rejected his advance. so, now it's awkward for him to come around just as a friend.

 

I say it's up to you to put him back at ease the way things were before he came clean. A compliment over the phone, hug or lite punch on the shoulder probably wouldn't hurt if you see him in person. Open body position is helpful-(people can sense it even over the phone) You know...let him know he's familiar and you still like him. There are so many ways to communicate.

 

Why did you not want to pursue a relationship with him. Do you love him?He sounds wonderful? Did he want a friend with benefits or a girlfriend? Or, Do you think of him more as a brotherly type?

[queenofvalidation]

*~xwhen you are ready, your soulmate will appear*~x

[havealittlefaithinme6]

I didn't want to pursue a relationship with him because I was afraid that it wouldn't work out and we'd never speak to each other again or things will be completely different. He wanted a girlfriend, and I see him as a best friend and nothing more, I can have guys who are friends and not have that 'more than friends' attitude.

[Derek]

I didn't want to pursue a relationship with him because I was afraid that it wouldn't work out and we'd never speak to each other again or things will be completely different.

 

seems that part came true, no matter what you chose to do...

 

I would think he can't continue the friendship because it hurts to do so when you are right there in front of him. Perhaps in a few months or a year the feelings would fade a bit and he could handle more contact again then. He was willing to risk it all, you weren't.

 

Sounds like you have lots of friends. Let him find himself and get himself back together for now.