Update, NOT GOOD!

[littleone22]

Well, I just posted about how my boyfriend was acting really strange, so to make a long story short...

 

I went to his house last night, woke up this morning, and saw a condom wrapper on the side of his bed. He said, "oh my god, I swear to god, I have not been with anyone but you. You would have seen signs of another girl!" For some weird reason, I kinda believed him since there was nothing proving another woman there, but then again, there was a condom wrapper, and we don't use them!

 

Then, I find a receipt for drinks at a bar right by his house on a sunday night, he paid, at 11:30 pm. I questioned him about it, because he hardly ever takes me to drinks anymore. He finally admitted he took his ex out for "dinner," but nothing happened, they were are just, "buddies" now. He told me she is seeing someone else, and they never slept together, just drinks that night.

 

Well, I would be naive to believe that he still isn't over her. He asked me to leave, and tried to say we were ok, he loved me, but he needed time alone after what happened.

 

I was very calm about this, but I am still hurt. Should I just not talk to him again. I texd him that I needed some time too, then I emailed him and asked him why he felt he needed to go behind my back. No response.

 

Please read the other posts about him, because he did verbally abuse me, very bad, hardly wanted me over, and this may be an explanation as to why he was always an angry SOB.

 

Is it worth talking to him again? I honestly don't think he will change. It has even got so bad he pushed me to the floor when he suspected I was talking to another guy. Its just so hard, I have been with him for 2 years.

[twinkle05]

You need to leave him alone, he has said that he need's space so give it to him, infact buy him a rocket tell him to put it up his arse and light it, he'll find some space then !! ~ I just typed that to cheer you up~ you must be so down now but honestly do not contact him at all, no texts or emails or phone calls, that way he wont know what your doing or if your thinking of him and he will soon realise if he wants you or not, they say 'you never know what you've got until it's gone' and it's true, if he loves you enough for you to be with him he will soon come crawling back. As hard as it may be for you not hearing from him or making any contact, you have to do this ~ it works ~ as I did it myself.

[Süsser Tod]

Even after the condom wraper, the receipt for drinks and all that, you aren't convinced he is cheating you???

 

Poor girl, being so innocent is only going to get you hurt, a lot.

[littleone22]

It's not that I am blind to whats going on, its that after all this, I still love him so much, and we even laughed about the whole thing over coffee.

 

He said he needed some time to think, but he would call me later. That is when I sent the text that I need time. He is not one to respect my wishes, he would call if he wanted too.

 

So far, nothing..

 

I know this is grounds to leave him, and I should have no problem, but I am not one to think the worst, or to yell and scream at him.

 

I guess I was just hoping that it would change...

 

I dont know if I would even want him back, even if he did call me.

[smallworld]

LittleOne, He verbally abuses you because he's an angry SOB, not the other way around. Pushing you (violence) to the floor is a dealbreaker. And now there's receipts, condom wrappers, and he needs time off from you when you confront him???

 

Just one question: What's in it for you?

[littleone22]

yes, I should have left him a long time ago, but I am so stupid that I always believed the best, thinking he would change, etc.

 

Yes, he is the one now acting like I cheated on HIM. He is just uncomfortable, so he doesn't want me around.

 

I feel stupid because I wrote him this long email, trying to justify why I was always insecure, but he doesn't see that THIS IS WHY. THis isn't the first time I have caught him in a pretty serious lie, so sure, how am I supposed to act until he proves me wrong. It was always MY FAULT that the relationship was going bad, never him.

 

He blamed his anger on me. He admitted his anger, but he always said that he was never angry like that around other people.

 

You know what, none of my actions justified his cruel temper. I stuck with him through so much BS, yet he still treats me like crap, ignores me, etc when we get in fights.

 

To answer your question Smallworld, I am guessing that I stayed so long was because it was too hard to leave. I was so in love with him, and I can't imagine him not being in my life. He was my first serious boyfriend, and he is also 10 years older than me.

 

Still, its no reason to stay. I have to be strong and just let him go, not caring what he thinks, or whether he will call. I don't think I will call him though for a long time. I need to put into reality the SERIOUSNESS of what he did to me, and how he is blowing ME off.

 

Thanks guys for your advice, and letting me vent.

[smallworld]

LittleOne, Venting is good. Anger is a healthy emotion that lets you know when your boundaries are being crossed and when you're being used. Don't feel stupid. You have a good heart and you stayed as you long as you did because you hoped that if you loved him to the best of your capabilities, you could turn things around, but this guy clearly has extremely deep emotional problems.

 

Stay strong. If you're tempted to go back, read this story first:

link removed

[littleone22]

THanks for the reply. I'll check out the link right now.

 

Its just hitting me what he actually did, and who knows for how long he was doing it.

 

He confuses me so much because he claims his ex is going through a rough time with cancer remission, they are just like buddies because he told me they never had a good sex life, and she is seeing somene else. So, if that is the case, he must be sleeping with someone else, and taking his ex to dinner!

 

He is so cruel to lie to my face, and then rub it in when I question him. Now HE wants the space, and is treating me like crap again. I don't even know why him and his ex broke up. He has taken her to dinner before and LIED to me again.

 

Last night he leaves me a voicemail and tells me that I'm getting worked up for nothing and to chill out. In other words, me telling him its done is getting "worked up", and he probably doesn't think im a bit serious. Well, I am this time!

I don't want to be lied to, cheated on, and verbally abused, and probably if I stayed with him long enough, physical abuse.

 

Well. with this site and others, I have decided to be strong and not talk to him, or take his calls. NC is best right??

[confusedashell]

I understand that people get into serious arguments in a relationship. People say things, mean things, that they dont mean in the heat of the moment. You're vunurable and your aim is to hurt the other person as much as they hurt you. We've all been there and its just a fact of life. So I'm not going to be judgemental about anything. You obviously feel for the guy. But things dont sound good. If I were you, and thinking of if I was him, you should just tell him its over and dont contact him. That will put the scare into him. If he loves you and wants to come back tell him all about how you feel and the "conditions" you will start to be with him again. I am not sure what way my marriage is going right now, its rocky to say the least, but one thing I have learned over the last week: COMMUNICATION! sounds simple, but its not. If thats not there, OPEN HONEST communication, you're screwed! We havent had that for the last 6 months, I was depressed and instead of her telling me how badly i was hurting her, how bad I was making her feel, she just sat in the bathroom with the bath on and cried (I just found this out today). Had she grabbed me by the neck, sat me down and told me "if you dont get a grip on this I will have to leave, i cant take it!", then things would be very different now. She knows she screwed up, she sees me now when I have control of my depression and while she is cautious, she isnt totally gone. So before your problems get too big and before you invest too much emotionally into that guy - TALK to him. As openly and honest as you can.

[smallworld]

Worked up for nothing??? The audacity!!! If you ever start to doubt your decision to leave LittleOne, please reread your posts. It's all there loud and clear.

 

NC is the best gift you can give yourself. Stay strong! You deserve better and you know it. Have a copy of Alanis Morissette's "Jagged Little Pill?" I find the louder you play it, the more therapeutic it is.

[littleone22]

Smallworld:

 

Thanks. =) I'll play her song.

 

I'm from the OC too by the way.

 

I'll get through this, I just have to remember that he doesn't care for my feelings, so why should I.

 

If I screwed up like he did, I would be trying so hard to win him back, not shut him out like he is doing to me.

[smallworld]

Hey neighbor! I'm not from here, but it's an interesting place to live while I'm passing through. Oh btw, I meant the CD "Jagged Little Pill" -- one song isn't enough to exorcise one's Ex. But yeah Alanis is awesome!

 

LittleOne, Yes you will get through this!!! And trust me, someday he'll realize what a fool he was to ever hurt you and give you up. Past experience has taught me that us girls sometimes have to love one of these "jerks" early on to appreciate when a really good guy comes our way. So don't fret. Every day you put between yourself and this loser, is one more day you're closer to meeting and living happily ever after with Mr. Right. Celebrate! Woohoo! He's out of your life! 8)

[littleone22]

Smallworld:

 

Thanks so much for your encouragement. I do need it.

 

I truly did learn a lot, and that is what I do have to remember. I will really appreciate that guy that will treat me with love, respect, and care. You are so right. I just haven't given it a chance, because I have been blinded so long by what this man has been doing.

 

I honestly wish he would have just told me to leave him alone when he knew he would still keep in contact with his ex, when he knew he had the urgency to cheat, and when he knowingly led me on with such a horrible temper. Why did he even want me around if all he did was things to push me away??

 

Sorry, had to vent again , but it really helps.

 

Thanks again. You are right that everyday I put betweeen myself and him, will bring me closer to healing and meeting Mr. Right

[smallworld]

Awww. You're welcome LittleOne. Glad to be of service. I had a very bad experience with my first love too, so believe me I understand what you're talking about. It took me a year of venting to get over him, so keep venting!!! The sooner you get it all out, the better!!! It's a necessary part of the healing process.

 

My post here doesn't exactly pertain to your problem, but it's about moving on. When you're ready, click here

link removed

[littleone22]

Smallworld:

 

Did it take a year to get over the anger, or get over loving him??

I hope its a very short recovery, because I don't want to miss him. I don't see anything to miss anymore.

Im just angry... I know it takes a while to recover from abuse, but I feel that I will recover from missing him quick, because he treated me so bad.

 

I think it will be easy to let this jerk go once i finally cut all ties.

 

You are such a sweetheart. Thanks again.