What to do when they ignore you? Why? Please read!!

[nauum72]

HI ther folks,

 

OK this is killing me. We broke up over 2 months ago after being together for 2 years. He did it in a terrible way wouldn't answer calls, emails, etc. then I finally went over to his house for an answer and he was crying and just said he had major problems and that I loved him more than he loved me, and it wasn't fair to me. I asked why he just couldn't say that weeks ago (he kept stringing me along for time) then he said he was just going to let the whole thing go and never answer me. So hurtful!!

 

Anyway, now its been 2 months later, gotten stronger, done NC, etc. and all I want is my computer files, digital pics off the computer (I'm planning a bridal shower and need stuff from a previous one off his computer). I figured the dust settled and I texted him for the files. NO ANSWER!! NOw, I am shocked, but my anger level is rising. I don't understand his response, b/c its not like I cheated on him, or did anything wrong. I figured he might even be wondering how I'm doing, so that he wouldn't ignore me once again.

 

Question: Why? He back talking to people cut off during our breakup but acts as if I have leprosy. I need those damm files and I was doing well with forgiving him and not even wanting him back-but to still treat me this way.

 

Has anyone gone through this before? Does someone like this just never respond to you or need more time? Unfortuantley this shower is in 2 weeks and school starts up in 4 and i have ALL my back to school files on his computer too. I'm wondering if I again have to go over there and "pin him to thewall" this time not for answers, but for stupid files. Maybe he thinks I'm still into him, get over yourself jerk. It's just plain decency to answer someone when they ask a question. No?

 

Please help and give your examples too

 

Lynne

[jna35]

Pending, that was kind of a disrespectful post, but you are entitled to your own opinion.

 

I have not ever gone through that before and it's got to be tough. It sounds like he has moved on for whatever reason (you probably will not ever find out). Yes, it is common courtesy to answer questions. Who knows what's going through his mind!

 

Are you sure you can't do without the files? I suppose if all else fails, you could take him to small claims court for the return of your property. But I wouldn't really suggest that as it would drag your torment out longer. If he doesn't answer your call, go over there when you know he'll be home. Also, you could bring the local police with you and they can help you retrieve your property.

 

I would suggest you let it go though and move on. Come up with some new ideas for the bridal shower. I just don't think it would be worth it. There are a ton of creative ideas on the net for showers!!

 

P.S. I just noticed you need school files too, so that said, contact your local police and see what they say. They should be able to help!

 

Good luck!

[tiger_lilies]

My two cents...when my ex cheated on me I immediately did no contact. He begged and pleaded for any sort of communication from me and even wrote this big sob letter 6 months after our breakup crying about how lonely he is now. Well, I have never responded to any of his requests to talk to me simply because in a way, I wanted to punish him for betraying me.

Kinda like, I hoped that my silence was deafening. It was my silent way of revenge.

 

He may just have moved on emotionally...or may be pissed off at the break up and just doesn't feel he needs to show you the respect of responding to any of your requests. I say cut your losses and forget about him.

[Tigris]

You said he told you that he has major problems and he was crying when you got there. Did he mention what those problems were or did you just have a go at him straight away?

 

Could one of his parents be seriously ill? Had someone died?

 

Have you anymore information you can give us?

 

Ok I may be barking up the wrong tree but, I'm feeling concerned.

 

Take care.

[CATLOVER]

Yes I have been through this perplexing situation. Years ago now but I remember how awful it was. My first love broke up with me after 2years and then he closed down and would not speak or even look at me. Not a thing...it felt brutally cruel at the time. The break up was sad but his total shutdown near killed me at the time. Anyway you know what he basically acted like that for a few yrs after that. Now it was just a normal breakup there was no cheating or whatever else to bring on the total shut out for such a long time. Well years later I know now it was just him and the way he deals with anything emotional. You see its like 13yrs later and he has been a friend for yrs now. Once I got passed all the hurt and rejection and lots of time had gone by and I had seen how he dealt with other emotional times in his life I NOW know it was not me at all it was just the way he is. As long as I have known him he goes into lockdown and almost pretends whatever is causing upset does not exist, thats his coping mechanism.

What Im trying to say most things are never as they seem at the time, and when someone is acting not how you would in a certain situation doesnt mean it is about you....Its about him....

[simon_uk]

What Im trying to say most things are never as they seem at the time, and when someone is acting not how you would in a certain situation doesnt mean it is about you....Its about him....

 

Just following on from that, think of this. Say you meet ten different people out at night and you act the same way with all of them, what I mean is your personality remains consistent, you dont change for each interaction. Now of those ten people, three may think you are the nicest person they have ever met, two think you are the most gorgeous person they have ever met, two are indifferent, one thinks you are really funny, one thinks you are boring and one really hates you. What do you do? You pick up on the one that doesnt like you and start to feel really self conscious. It doesnt feel nice and you want the one that doesnt like you to like you. It doesnt matter that most of them do like you, what gets to you is one doesnt and you question it and question yourself. What am I trying to say? Well I am certainly not trying to say your ex doesnt like you, of course he does otherwise he wouldnt have been with you.

 

What is my point then?.Well what is the only consistent thing in all of those meetings with the ten different people? Answer: You! You are the one thing that has remained constant so if some people dont like you it isnt because of you it is because of them and their thoughts and ideals.

 

Similarly if your ex is ignoring you and being nasty it is NOT because of you or anything you have done, it is because of HIM and the way he handles things and reacts and interacts.

 

Hope that helped?

 

Simon

[PlayBrat]

Great analogy Simon...I completely agree! I read in an interview with Madonna once she said something similar about herself. She said something along the lines of if she were in a room with a hundred people who ADORED her or worshipped her...but ONE who didn't like her...she would be MOST bothered by that ONE who didn't. So it applies to even the most self confident peole out there. Don't take it to heart....what may be great to one person, just might not be another persons cup of tea.

[settinuplife]

maybe he changed his number, and your text went to a stranger. Try calling him

[nauum72]

Hi there,

 

Thanks for all your replies. Tigres-yes his parents both died fron cancer when he was in early 20's and I know from his sisters that he handles situations like this. Well I finally did get a response from him when I texted him that I needed the files and not just IM'ed on the computer. I made it very direct and he texted me back that he has everything I need and it was very direct too. No-how are you? Just casual conversation? It was very business like. I am going to call to set up a time either tomorrow or next day but how do I act?

 

Do I just walk in-get the files and seem Ok? Or is it acceptable if I still act OK (and not agry like I want to) but say-you know I know now may not be the right time even after 2 months of NC but I eventually want ot be friends? I know in other posts they say to act nonchalant and all and not bug them-and I'm not-but should I say that when I go or say nothing/

 

Thanks,

[confusedashell]

why not? worst he can say is no, its too akward. then you can just move on. Thats closure.

 

god, i wish things were that simple with my wife. Just be glad there is no children involved. A break up is complicated enough without having to deal with the loss of a family and being involved daily in your kids life.