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Am I insane? Why can't I get over her?


Please read my old threads to get the full story.


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Basically a girl of 20 that chased me and was into me BIG time. Eventually I fell BIG time for her and we had a flawless relationship where we saw each other non-stop and did everything together for 6 months. The folks and friends thought we were a match made in heaven and we felt that way too. I treated her like a princess, gave her everything, took her everywhere and it was awesome. The messages I got during the relationship were amazing. At the end there was her MARRIED climbing partner in the background constantly throwing out a line. The wife and my ex don't speak or like each other. I always challenged her on this and she didn't like it but brushed it aside. She broke it off suddenly when my housemate caught her with this guy and a mate at her "ladies night". She also told me some tall stories – they only SMS about climbing arrangements etc. We broke up on good terms, got back together a week later, then she broke up after another week. After 2 weeks she was seen out with this bloke again and I did some really bad (emotionally driven) stuff, totally out of character – sent some nasty SMS'es, went to her house in the early hours and let out some personal stuff to her mates. I felt used, played and the real reason for the split might have surfaced. Everyone tells me I am a genuine, caring bloke with good morals.


Anyway, after a humble apology SMS and 2 months of NC I called her and she was confused at first, asked why I called and I said "Just because we're apart doesn't mean I don't care about you". Basically she said that what we had was good but now it's' in the past and forgotten about and that she hates me and never wants to see me again! Immediately after the call she SMS'es and says "Don't phone me again". I SMS'ed a nice one back about an hour later and she says "Don't SMS me either". I was a bit shocked. Yes, it was a nasty breakup but I just wanted to see how she was. I am friends with all my exes and I hate grudges. I will always do my utmost to keep the peace and hate animosity between anyone, especially myself and someone who I was intimate with (she says I was her first). Maybe she is with someone else but I am too scared to find out from friends. Even if they knew I don't think they would tell me because they know it would hurt me.


At this stage I didn't know that she had confessed to a friend of mine (while drinking in a night-club) that she had in fact kissed that married guy, but only after we broke up. He warned her not to go there and she said she was trying to back off. She made him promise not to say anything but when I told him about the stuff on the phone in the above paragraph he said that is so heavy and told me what she had said. So STUPID me sends a sarcastic message to the married dude threatening to spill the beans about his insistence to stuff up something good. I also SMS'ed her best mate who she would never have told. I also emailed my ex a LONG email with my feelings for her, how I was devastated over the split, how I wouldn't tell anyone else and how the door is always open for friendship. Basically looked desperate and did all the wrong stuff. Said I would be there if she needed me, I forgive her etc.


A few days later I was drunk in a club and sent her a pissed off SMS about the whole thing and said I am done and I am moving on to xxx xxx. When I woke up I was not impressed with my behaviour and deleted all her details. She then texts me on the weekend saying "Don't be so self-righteous! I have never had an affair and never will! All the best for xxx xxx and well done for Comrades." I sent a nice one back saying thanks luv u will never hate anyone. She then says it wasn't meant in a nice way take it in a bad way because she still hates me. What?!!! She also made up some SMS story later that the guy she was talking about was a married guy she kissed at a beer fest (don't know of any beer fests here at the moment) and that she didn't know he was married until the wife dragged him away, and it is no fault of hers. She also said apology not accepted and do I know how much I rate myself in the email.


There have been a few more SMS'es from her but she is just trying to mess with my head and I have seen through this now. I have deleted her details again from my phone and have decided to do NC again. I feel so terrible about the rift that has built up between us in this period. It started so well. I am not used to texting the whole time. I like to talk and see the person because you can't really play games or misconstrue feelings then. That's how it was with my ex-ex of 5 years but younger people love SMS. But she won't talk to me now I know.


Why do I beat myself up about the past? She asked me why I can't get over her and that if I truly loved her I would have never done that stuff. She says I send her such nice things yet tear her reputation down behind her back when I see her friends. This is not true. I admit what I did was way wrong and but I hate the fact that she won't admit she did wrong and has made her friends promise not to speak to me. She has a reassuring, vivacious way about her that makes people come running for her when she needs them. She is also very attractive. I have never felt this way about someone before and I guess it is just me missing the amazing times, a burning desire to right the wrong and me trying to get through to her that she is living a LIE! If I didn't love her unconditionally I wouldn't want her back despite all the s**t that has evolved subsequent to the breakup. Why ?? I saw the heart of gold in her but the flirting with this dude killed me and I just wanted her to realise it was plain wrong !!!! People had told her before and she tried to push it aside and kept looking for someone to condone it I guess…I have so much going for me and have done and tried so much in life, have a great job, properties, etc. why can't I get over her? My mates have been there for me but saw me come crashing down after this breakup. They said they have never seen me happier with her but also never seen me lower than when it ended. What a rollercoaster. Does she just need to grow up? Will she ever realise that I treated her well and that the fact that she got under my skin in the end took a solid dude like me to a bad place? Maybe she needs someone to cheat on HER or treat HER badly before she realises? Hell this is tough…but in spite of all this I love her. Insane. Maybe it is just me wanted something which I no longer have control of. BUT the hardest thing is to suck it all in and wait 6 months or forever to see whether we will ever chat again….after we were SO in love.

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if you were too nice, hey you were not her type. look at the real world. if you are somewhat rude, distant, etc..., women find you more attractive, and want you more. hey, i was with my exwife for 7 years total including dating, and she betrayed me. i thought it was true love, yet she killed my heart. yeah, i still remember her, it has been two years since our divorce, and i am still hunted by her memory. will you get over her...yeah, it just takes time, and the more you loved the person, and held them high in your life, the longer it will take to get over them.

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Hi mate I know the pain you are going through. Your story is almost the same as mine that it's weird. I see my ex everyday at work and this is the killer. She is at the stage where she is doing things to get a reaction from me. She's done the same stuff as yours:


'Why you calling me'

'Stop texting'

'Why you speaking to my friends'


etc etc this sound the same. Ive had all that. I think its to make her feel better and in control. Ive just start to talk to one of my ex's close friends and she says it's to try and get you out of there heads' I took this as meaning they still or you ex still has feelings. Look at it this way if they didnt why be angry back. It does look like she and you are playing games. This is the same with me, and as I said my story is nearly the same as your's. The only thing Ive done is not contact my ex and every time she see's me show her how happy Iam. I work with alot of girls at work and they gave me some inside information. Some girls when they end a relationship even if's it's them want you to be unhappy and keep chasing, also they dont want you to be with anybody as well. I know it all sounds weird but I think it says that they still have feelings but want to hate. Keep your chin up mate I am. I see this is getting to my ex by being happy as I know they look like they but deep down there not not.

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Thanks barryttt, nice to know that someone is in the same boat as me. How long have you been broken up? How is it going? Do you still love her and want her back? That is the goal right? You are burning up inside but you have to act happy.


In my case I work at a big corporate and I maintain a policy of "Never dip your pen in company ink!"...for the very reason that I like to keep business and pleasure separate and if we ever broke up it would be terrible.


We seem to be staying off each other's turf. She is at a local pub drinking beer and socialising almost every night. I am at nightclubs and see some of her climbing mates that I greet but try my best not to speak about her with. I think it's best to stay off each other's turf for a while. It only sets me back.


The other night I get a text asking me for my mate's new number. Now I know she has it already and they don't talk - so she is just wanting to set me off thinking. I wait about 20min and thought about just sending a business card but instead sent the number and said I was just washing the sweat off me in the bath. She replies "Is that supposed to make me horny?" I knew this was faulty since she had just sent me a nasty one in the day. I replied saying no and it was just the reason I didn't reply straight back like I usually try to and what would make me think I can still do that? She then responds with an even lustier one. I reply curtly. She then says her friend took her phone and SMS'ed me. So I say "Hi Bxxx, hope you are well". She immediately calls as she now doesn't want to bring her female friend's name down. I answer and hear she's at the pub and she says "Tell him it was you, tell him it was you Gxxx". I hang up...not in the mood for any more games. She apologises later and I said it's OK just to look after herself. Night. She says "Why do you care". I say I do like a brother not a lover and I know she will dothis for me. She says "I will do nothing for you. Why do you think I will?" I mean why even waste your money with this rubbish? Not sure why she called. If it was out of impulse or emotion to save her friend, to hear if I was out, how I sounded. Who cares. But it certainly sets you back a bit and thinking and doesn't help you sleep.


The next week my friend and I go to that pub and I know she is there 'cos her car is outside. My heart is beating SO hard that I cannot even look at her. I stuck to the restaurant section and on leaving I notice she is at a table of 5 guys...I tried not to look again and walked out...but gutted inside. Later I get an SMS saying "Same SMS again?" Either it was sent to the wrong number or she or "Gxxx" were just playing around again. I ignore.


Perhaps I am clutching at straws but love and hate are very close. I think she did really like me but at 20 I think she is scared of committing to me only and wants to travel, see what's out there and stuff. I think she had strong feelings for me but is running from something. She told me she is angry at her own feelings. She was in my confirmation class about 4 years ago so she was trying to let all her Church mates know she was all innocent but wants the climbers to know she is all streetwise. I hated that. When she is caught out she cuts people out her life...just like that. She has done that with a good few...but is still very woo'ing if she needs them back.


So, it's NC for me. If she SMS'es I will be curt or will ask her exactly what is her motive for getting in contact. If she wants to communicate I want to talk...no more games...I am not into that and I am 28. I am exercising a lot and hope to be able to give off a glowing, happy look if I see her. It's tempting to try and ask her mates stuff but that will also show I am not over her. Oh, one last thing...her one mate said my ex's way of dealing with her feelings is to not speak to me. Also, my housemate said she is too young for any relationship. She tries to act big but still watches cartoons 'n stuff...in 3rd year varsity! He said she is running from her own feelings and is angry at herself and if she had to sit in a room by herself and think she would break down. She always tried to act tough around me and I never saw her cry...when she was about to she just walked away.


Despite all this I still love her SO much but I have to move on. Some days I feel like I am in a pit and other days (like today) I am on top of the world.


Cheers, thanks for reading.

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Hi mate you are even the same age as me and my ex is 21 so not far off. Look at it this way there is a game being played you are playing it as well as I have with my ex. I think your ex just was a reaction from you. I think she needs to know you still have feels for her but I dont know if they are strong enough to want to get back with you. I had somethink happen with ex about 2 nights ago. I went over to a local pub facing my work with a couple of work friends. Now my ex comes over knowing I would be there with a work friend of her's who she had a bit of a fling with about a 1 year ago. I knew this guy still liked her. Now she knew I knew that he still liked her aswell. Now I ask why did she come over with him. To get a reaction from me. remember she broke up with me. She just playin games, and your ex is as well. Well away way I had one drink played some pool and said goodbye in a friendly way to everybody including her. We did speak and I only stayed for about 15 mins, and I did do anything wrong or look at her in a funny way. I was not going to give her the time to push my buttons. So at about 11.30pm I get a text message this is after NC for 2 weeks. Saying 'this is xxxx i just wanted to know what was goin on with u in the pub today' then she sends another one saying i though we where over all that. Now why even text me. Because by showing her Ive not been arse'd by what she does and games she plays is getting to her. You ex is doing the same. Now I dont know what my next move should be but I am not going to show her it is getting to me even though it does inside and this must be how your feeling. I love this girl and she has done some nasty stuff aswell. You most show her how strong you are. Ive started going the gym and got a new look and a few other girls at work are taking notice and my ex knows this. She needs to know you still have feels for her and my ex is doing this aswell. It just somethink stupid that girls do and I cant explain why. A girl mate told me about this, she tried to explain it too me but I was got lost. They just do it she said, even if they dumped you. You need to do this as well. If she contacts you DONT be nasty or play games or let her know that she is playin games just be cool and reply with very small replies to her texts or if she calls make it very short and tell her you have to go. She will be wondering whats going on. Just leave it for a while. I will keep up NC and so will you. We will see who's ex contacts us first LOL. It will be over somethink stupid and she will just be fishing to see what your thinking KEEP it short or dont even get back to her. Let me know mate.

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