the other woman- intentional visit by wife?

[aklost101]

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[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I'm no expert but here's my opinion.

 

You said that you always were the one who did the right thing. The good person. Now, you are doing something that you know is wrong and still continue to do it. You know that you stand a good chance of hurting someone down to the core. Trust me on this, I've been cheated on in the past and so have you, we both know nothing hurts worse than finding out the person you dedicated your life to and gave so much to you could do something like that to you. Myself, it took me years to be able to look at another woman without labeling her as a possible cheater. Anyway, you know this, and continuing the affair goes against your personality. Your subconscious mind is probably trying to warn you that you are doing wrong.

 

As for my "commitmentphobia" comment. I know where you're coming from. My last serious girlfriend had a similar background as you. It's enough to scare anyone away from a serious relationship. Here's my thought though. As long as you're still sleeping with this man, how will you ever find someone who wants the whole you? I know you're frightened by that prospect but I know that if you confront that fear you'll be able to find someone who you can share your life with. It's never going to happen while you're sleeping with another woman's husband though. I mean, you do know that this can't go on forever. In the end he'll choose his wife over you if he really does love her. That will probably mean the end of any friendship with him. You can still keep the friendship, although I don't think it's a good idea, but you need to make the choice of just friends. If he doesn't want to do that, then you know that he really wasn't your friend in the first place. He was using you for sex.

[Mun]

When he gets home late he is might tell his wife:

 

He went out for a drink with the guys after work but it ran late because someone got arrested--or almost did.

There was a party or small get together at someone's ( someone from work) house that he just couldn't get out of.

A meeting ran over late or he had to take some clients out for dinner to make a deal.

He had car trouble.

He couldn't find his keys or got a flat tire on his way home.

He helped someone else that had car trouble.

Someone fell ill at work and he had to drive them to the emergency room.

 

Maybe you should ask him what excuses he uses on her.

 

Also, she might know of you but not know about the affair. It depends how much he sees her as his friend too. He might have mentioned that cute girl that works at Walgreens.

 

aklost101 have you ever been married?

[aklost101]

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[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Thanks, I've always had the ability to put myself in someone else's shoes. It's a little more difficult on a forum, but you should see me at work in person. I've been told it can get a little spooky, like I'm reading minds.

 

Anyway, you do sound like a good person and I know that you want to do right. Keep in mind what you said, sooner or later he will run out of excusses to tell his wife, then it's only a matter of time before she'll find out. If she does, the possibility of just being friends will most likely disappear just like that. I know it's not going to be easy stopping having sex (is it ever?), but in your heart you know you have to.

 

I hope everything works out for you.