Why is love such a hard thing to loose?

[NetMech]

It all started over a chance meeting in a thrill park. The interest was sparked. The courtship was long and sometimes painful, but we finally made it work. We started dating, we got engaged, and soon enough we were married. We now have a 4 year old daughter, celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary, and I just found out that she wants to be single and does not love me anymore. To top it off, she has not loved me for quite some time. A simple lie has now shown that there are more lies. Now I'm lost in a downward spiral of doubt, fear, and pain. The funny part of this story; I still love her.

 

Today, she left with an agreed destination yet never arrived. Through the pure chance that our daughter wanting to talk to her mommy we tried to call her, the phone number she left for the destination has long since been disconnected. When I finally reached her via cell phone, she admitted that she had been driving around, too upset to go where she had originally planned to go. Now short of begging, (who am I kidding, I begged) I have asked her to return home so we can talk or just spend some quality time together. I offered to find a babysitter, make a romantic dinner, or whatever she desired, but to no avail. Now she is going to visit her mother.

 

Now I sit half the man I was 24 hours ago, trying to keep it together for my daughters sake. Such a smart girl. She sees through my attempts to maintain composure. She hugs me and tells me she loves me. She asks why my heart is breaking, if it will cause me to die, and if it is broken because mommy does not love me anymore? She tells me it is okay because we can paint her nails. I love my daughter, she is so magical. But I am so afraid of loosing my wife, my friend, and what we have built together.

 

For those men and women out there that have experienced this sort of thing... How did you survive. I can barely.. Ugh.. Thank goddness for xanax. I welcome any suggestions or comments.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read.

-Mech

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[Love Her Like Crazy]

Wow Ouch...

 

I can truly relate. Nearly identical situation including the daughter and the time we have been together. But the difference is that she has not left me ( although she has threatened a time or two ). Instead she has simply opted to tell me that she does care and that she does want to make it work, but we have only had sex 3 times in the last 12 months and it is only getting worse. When I try to figure out what it will take to get us back on track she refuses to even discuss it.

 

Like you, I have done all that I can getting babysitters set up and cooking dinners, taking her out and all that jazz, but on the rare occasion that she actually goes along with it all it does is insure that she will sleep on the couch, because she thinks I will be anticipating my "reward". She seems to have no idea that I am just trying to be with her because I desperately miss her.

 

She seems content to just live as two separate people sharing a home and a daughter with no other relations at all. I mean I geuss that would be ok, but I am not going to spend the next 50+ years living in celibacy with a woman I am in love with, just because my wife refuses to either leave me or step up to the plate and make it work.

 

Long and short is I actually wish she would do what your wife has done, because although I love her more then life itself, I am so deeply stuck in this position that I am not sure what to do. I dont want to hurt her by seeking sexual fulfillment elsewhere and I dont want to be the one to stand up and leave either. So instead it is like we are on different planets, but still in the same building living under each others rules ( but without any of the healthy benefits of a good relationship ).

 

I cant say I know what it feels like to have her actually leave, because she never has yet, but I do sit here night after night with a broken heart while she reads in the kitchen waiting for me to go to sleep so she wont have to talk to me or touch me.

 

I dont know which is worse, but like I said I truly deeply sympathize. To be as in love with your wife as you obviously are and as deeply as I know I am, yet we sit here with absolutely no reciprocation whatsoever.

 

I have lately tried to act like a woman would in this situation ( or at least what I think a woman would do ) and close down my heart and my communication to the point that I am meeting her on her level. Not rubbing her shoulders or feet every night and cooking and cleaning for her every night like I usually do, but instead just acting like I am a person in my home and she happens to be there.

 

In re-reading this I cant see how this can help you other then to let you know that others are in the same position... No real advice, but I DO know how you feel and I DO truly sympathize...

 

Best of luck to you and your beautiful daughter...

[ladyluck]

my mom cheated on my step dad and divorced him all though he held his composure i did catch him many times crying at night eventually he got back into the dateing scene through a singles network and he dated many women i mean a lot and i was proud of him for not just sitting at home feeling as though he is nothing witout her.

 

 

 

a little more background on them: my mom and step dad were married for 11 years exclusive for 13 and have two kids 7&5 plus my mom's other 4kids(includeing me) who called him dad. he had the whole world on his shoulders. he's sick with fibromialgia, his brother just commited suicide in a whole other state and some how deep inside he finds it in him to keep going strong

 

you will too. just look at your daughter and you'll know what to do. she's your world that's all you need

[tiki]

I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Actually, if I were already wishing for stuff, I might as well wish that no one ever had to feel the pain you're going through.

 

I've never been married and I don't have a child, so I cannot give you a constructive advice. But I just want you to know that I'm really sorry and that i was touched by your story.

 

At least you have your daughter.

 

Remember that things can always get worst.