Fell in love with my best guy friend

[l0nelybutl0vely]

Dave has been my best guy friend since I was 11. He was always there for me whenever things got rough. Throughout the years we would always innocently flirt, but nothing that was actually serious. Everybody, of course, would tease us about how much we liked each other, and we would just deny it. I had one actually serious boyfriend, and Dave stuck by me through everything that came with falling in "love". He was always wonderful to me, and ever since about 7th grade he hasnt had a serious girlfriend because he was waiting for me. Sounds great, huh? Juuuust wait. I always had a feeling that Dave wanted to be more than friends, but constantly brushed it off. Last summer, when it was officially over with my serious boyfriend, he started to show his feelings. He got huggy and touchy and unusually flirty and I felt uncomfortable. Then, he asked me out. It was completely out of the blue, and I said no. At the time, I thought there was no way I could ever be more than friends with Dave. He tried not to show it, but I know he was really hurt. I tried to pretend I thought it was a joke because of the way he approached it, but I always knew he wasn't kidding. I didn't know how to handle it without "ruining the friendship." Anyway, by the next summer, we'd gone through separate schools, meeting a lot of new people, having new experiences, and being very busy. Things weren't exactly the same, and I found myself missing him. When we were together though, I found myself attracted to him. For all the time we were friends we'd always discuss love and relationships with each other, and he'd talk to me about how he just wants to find a girl and be with her and love her (exactly what I and the rest of the world wants). However, he has always been a bit of a flirt, and I asked "well, what about all the other girls out there?" and he said he wouldn't care because he'd trust this girl and know her well and have such a strong bond with her. I couldn't help but feel like he was saying that to me, because he sounded so sincere about it, and that made me even MORE attracted to him. After a few months of this, out of the blue, I told him. I asked him if lately he has felt like he wanted to be more than friends and he said "uh, no. why? have you?" and I said yes. He was so surprised, saying how he "never thought" I would like him. He admitted to liking me numerous times before. Then, I called him that night trying ask if he could hang out, and a girl picked up his phone. I was so crushed. He went online and said "sorry about that" then put up an away message. Then, when she left, I was talking to him online and I felt so vulnerable and stupid for putting myself out there and then being completely shut down that I insisted he forgot all about everything that happened that day and he just said "ok, whatever" so I felt even more stupid because of the "whatever" like shut up, I don't care about you now leave me alone, and I got all pissed off and took out on him the anger I had at myself for not just saying yes to him in the first place when he asked me out. So now I'm here, the night (or morning I should say because I've been up all night thinking aobutt his) after day that I hung out with him for the first time since my little episode and it was awkward. We went out to lunch, like we always did, but somehow I felt like it was a date and not just the usual Me and Dave, and I think he felt the same way. I said sorry about being so mean, and he said it was alright but I still feel like I messed everything up and did ALL the wrong things. I just wish there was something inside him that still loved me, or that I just loved him the way I do now at the time when he loved me. I hate my timing. I was such a mess with him today too, I felt like I couldn't be myself because I was afraid if I acted the way I usually did with him (flirty) he would think I was coming on to him. If anybody out there has actually read this far, I'm dying for someone else's point of view. I just can't get this situation out of my head, and I can't stop kicking myself for not seeing how great Dave is before he moved on.

[babybear]

Don't beat yourself up for not feeling the way you do now back then. You can't control your feelings and I don't understand why Dave was so rude to you when he said the "whatever". I don't think that was on at all. I don't have any profound insight to your problem but I believe that your friendship has probably changed now. Perhaps Dave has a fear of rejection from you since you rejected him before. I guess you just have to bide your time and see what happenes; whether Dave admits feelings for you; youe feelings go back to the way they were; or you lose or gain back your friendship with him.

[Alabama]

It can be hard to control your feelings. Especially when they finally come out. You shouldn't blame yourself for not realizing this sooner. There are somethings we just don't have control over in life. It doesn't sound like he has any interest though, but as long as you two are still friends, then things should be okay. I know you feel bad for not realizing how great of a guy he was, but that still shouldn't stop you from at least keeping a good friend. Good luck!

[ducky]

I finished your thread. I think you poured your heart and soul in it, and it's only right that I finish reading it, though my job would have been made much easier with paragraphing

 

Cheer up, IMHO you're thinking too much into this. I think there is a definite misunderstanding regarding the "whatever" incident. Furthermore, Dave had waited for you since 7th grade. Isn't it fair that if you like him now, you too should wait for him for some time?

 

You mentioned that you thought he was a little rude when he replied "Whatever" to you over IM. I don't think he meant that at all. Place yourself in his shoes.

 

His girlfriend answers his cellphone, and finds that it's another girl calling him. Of course she'll be curious and will no doubt be bugging him who the girl is. Dave goes one step further, he logs on to IM and apologises to you. Of course his girlfriend will feel jealous at that point of time, she would definitely had been pressuring him to turn off his IM.

 

So, his "Whatever" could have meant many things. It could have meant that he was being pressured by the girl to end the conversation fast. If anything, it meant to show how much he still cared for you.

 

Continue asking him out. Chances are he's feeling as awkward as you are. If you don't talk more, this awkwardness will only widen the gulf between you two. Try to restore relations back to what they were before. Perhaps one day he'll realise that the girl for him is standing right in front of him.