Am i being strung along, should I walk away?

[wanger]

Hi. I posted on here last year when my fiancé and I split up after 5 years together (please feel free to search my user name). We got back together around Christmas, and have recently split again.

 

Sorry in advance for the mammoth post.

 

Before we split last year we had become 2 people existing together, without much love, but a lot of emotion, mainly sadness and tension, but no arguments. I had a lot of stress at work and with a very ill father was under a lot of pressure. She was very preoccupied with her own issues and gave me no support; of course I withdrew, we stopped talking and things started to fall apart. She has always been quite self-absorbed and on reflection I think suffered from anxiety and depression. Every night when I got back from work she was either in tears or totally withdrawn. Sometimes they were what I would consider important, but often they were very trivial issues. I used to find myself coming home from work, wanting to relax, but then finding myself sitting down with her to try to talk her down and offer advice. When I needed someone to talk to she was less than forthcoming. I can see now that she was in such a dark place that she did not have any energy to deal with my issues as well as her own, but at the time I felt rejected and withdrew from the relationship. I also very taken for granted as I was dealing with not only my stresses, but also her issues.

 

She has always been very analytical and a 100% certified perfectionist and tends to expect perfection to be delivered, rather than actually working for it. In our earlier days she informed me that you do not need to work at a relationship if it is the right one. To be honest for the 1st 2 years we did not need to work at anything, it all happened so naturally. As time went by things needed attention in our relationship, but rather than talk to me about her concerns she would talk to her friends and family. Of course they have only heard her side of things, and from what I have heard back from them these things are either wildly exaggerated or simply not true.

 

We got back together at the end of last year, and things have been an emotional roller coaster since then. I have done my best to show her that I do love her and that I can be the chap that I was in the early days. However, her moods have swung wildly. Depending upon her mood at that time, I am either the "best boyfriend going" and she is the "luckiest girl on the planet to have a guy like me", or she cannot take it any more and is leaving. Before we split last year, I was told that I was unloving and non-attentive, now I am too smothering. She has had a nightmare at work (mainly caused by her difficulties in asserting herself, and fighting for what she wants). She left her work about a month before leaving me to go and spend some time "in rehab" at her parents. It seems that when she is down, she labels everything in her life as being bad for her, and is unable to find anything positive in her life. She will spend hours and days obsessively thinking about where she has gone wrong in her life, rather than picking herself up and learning from past mistakes.

 

It has been very tough for me, but I do still love her very much, as I have never felt such a close bond with anyone as I do with her. Sometimes it is like we are cut from the same cloth. Although she would never admit it (perfectionist remember) many of the faults that she sees in me are also prevalent in her. She suspects that she is suffering from Obsessive Compulsive disorder, although I do see some elements of Borderline Personality Disorder in there. However, she refuses to get any help, despite a GPs diagnosis of anxiety, and firmly believes that time at home with her parents will sort her out. I sincerely hope that it does, for her sake, but I doubt that it will because, from what she says, her relationship with her mother (a woman with incredibly high expectations) is at the root cause of many of her issues. For example, her little brother, is captain of school and district football and rugby teams, a black belt in karate, straight A's in 4 a'levels, about to study at Cambridge Uni, has saved up over £10k (at 18 years old), but apparently is getting fed up of being told that he should be doing better. Her mother has also been very vocal about us in the past.

 

Since we got back together, many of our friends have commented on how much effort I have been putting into making things better, but they have seen nothing from my ex. This has of course, made me very frustrated and I have put a lot of pressure on her to make an effort. With hindsight, I can see that the harder I have pushed, the more she has pulled away. I have been left feeling very insecure, and have been told by her that I am now too "needy" and that she needs someone stronger. I think it takes quite a lot of strength to put all your own concerns to one side and be a rock for someone else's issues for 5 years. She has also started comparing me to her only other serious boyfriend (a 9 month relationship that split, followed by a further 6 months at a distance – he in Spain, her in the UK). I can really empathise with the "crazy love" story on that "popcorn machine" website, and suspect that where I have put all my issues to one side for her has resulted in her losing respect for me.

 

The ultimate upshot of this is that she has gone back to her parents for an indefinite period to "rehab". She was expecting too feel 100% better, but came back to our house after a week, telling me how much she still loved me, how sorry she was for everything, and how lucky she was to have a guy like me. The next day she told me that she was going back to her folks and did not know if she was coming back. I left it for a couple of days, and phoned her to tell her that I could not do this anymore and that it was over between us and I would be grateful if she could come and pick her stuff up. At first she laughed, then when she realised that I was serious, she started saying things like "you don't love me anymore do you", and "I don't know what to do, and don't know what I want". I told her that she now has one less thing to worry about, to which she replied "I will worry even more now though".

 

The day before she was going to come down and move her stuff out of our house, she phoned to tell me that she had doubts and wanted to leave it all there, but her Mum had talked her out of it. I was not there at the time, but apparently she spent the actual moving out day in tears. I spoke to her mum briefly, and considering in the past year she has done her best to split us up, she told me that my ex had made it clear to her that I was not at the root cause of her problems, and that if when my ex felt stronger (she thinks that my ex is very near to a nervous breakdown) I can go up there for a weekend, or my ex can come to see me. I am suspicious about this, as her mum can be mercenary, and I think is trying to protect her investment in our house (joint ownership), particularly as she was emphasising how important it is that we remain friends.

 

Since then she has phoned a couple of times to tell me that she simply does not know what she wants, and is so confused about everything in her life that she can not make any commitment or even give me an indication of how she is going to feel. When I asked her directly for a yes or no answer to the question "The way you feel right now – do we have a chance". The reply was "I don't know".

 

Although I desperately miss her, I am no way near as depressed as I was when we split last year, mainly because I have done everything that I can, and feel less of a failure. My head says that I would be mad to give it another go, but my heart says otherwise. We both accept that if we are ever going to have a future together we need to fall back in love with each other as we are now, not who we were, not who we think we can be, and not who we want the other to be. Fundamentally, there is a big difference as to how we view relationships; I am an only child and have never felt entirely happy when I am single. My ex is virtually the opposite and is generally at her happiest when single. She has always been a free spirit and often said that our relationship sometimes makes her feel like her wings have been clipped, usually followed up by "there is no one that I would rather have my wings clipped by than you".

 

I know that it is not really my problem, but sincerely believe that my ex should get help before the OCD gets any worse. From what I have read, most sufferers only accept that they have a problem requiring treatment once it gets so bad that they cannot function. Her mum told me in private that she was going to take my ex down to the Drs, but the next day, in front of my ex told me that she did not need help and that all the pressure to get counselling was making it worse.

 

I am now kind of looking at our relationship a little like smoking, I know its bad for me, but can't help myself. I have the following options open:

 

1, As her Mum suggested, seeing her once a twice a month, to take things back to basics and see if we still have a chance, once she is feeling more together and has more direction in her life.

2, Total NC

 

The problem with 1, above, is that there are no guarantees, and I do not know if I am strong enough to do this without being needy, or feeling resentment and reminding her of all the bad things. The problem with 2 is that if I do not see her, I do not believe that we will ever have a chance, as she will convince herself that our relationship has caused all her problems, where at the moment she thinks that her problems have caused the problems in our relationship, but at the end of the day the reasons are irrelevant as although we still love each other, we have fallen out of love.

 

What do you guys think? My feeling is to give it another couple of months, see her occasionally, and do my best to get on with my life, but I know that the lack of progress and desire from her is going to be tough. If after this time there are no positive signs then it is obviously time to move on. I am planning to go travelling in about 6 months time, so I can use that for my NC healing time if things don't work out. I am worried that I am being used, although we have had very little contact for the past few weeks. She has in the past only turned to some of her friends when she needs them. I do accept that we may not have a future together, but I know that if I walk away now, rather than giving her space, I will always wonder how it could have been if she was in a better state of mind. She has already told me that if we do go our separate ways she is sure that in the future she will look back and be full of regret.

 

What I am sure of is that I am very lonely and very uncertain. We moved away from my home area to start new lives in another part of the UK, that we both love and where all her friends live. I have made no friends of my own down here. This is whole situation is on my mind 24/7, and even though I try my best to talk to neighbours and colleagues about other things, all I can think of is this.

[reflectionlessmirror]

Wow, long post! I did read it all though and you have outlined 2 options for yourself, that is great! So now my recomendation: # 2, total NC. Before you haul out the LOVE word, stop and think. Getting over this relationship, the pain of ending it, etc. will be nothing compaired to all of the emotional energy you have already wasted. Dont ask yourself why you should leave, ask yourself why you would stay! For what! Move on for goodness sake. These people (Daughter and mother) clearly cannot be pleased. She needs therapy and a prescription and you need you freedom. Your relationship is a full time job!

[Jai]

Hey wanger I'm gonna say ..... you need to stop and listen to your heart ....If it says I cant live without this girl then maybe couples counselling could help you two. But in the same respect your relationship needs to be between you and your girl not her mother too (mom is not in this relationship) I know what your goin through and only you know the real answer ..... if your tired of trying its never gonna work ...and relationships arent meant to be effortless but they arent suppose to be over time either ..... You already know in your heart what you want and what needs to be done..... So listen to yourself and know that you will only do what needs to be done..... if you wake up next to her one morning look at her and say to yourself why am I still trying so hard you know its the end, but if you continually look at her and say I love her so much I cant be without her you have your hearts answer either way.

Dont let anyone sway what you feel in your heart, trust me it will only lead to regret.

Good Luck with things

 

[shockeddismayed]

Hey Wanger,

 

I feel for you.

 

This is a very tough situation, and I can see some EXTREME paralells with my own experiences last year.

 

As tough as it might be, I think you need to learn that "popcorn" lesson that you've read about. This poor girl is incapable of giving you love right now... and there is nothing you can do to change it.

 

In fact, I think the longer that you hang along, the longer the cycle will continue. She doesn't get the unconditional love she needs at home... and she is perfectionistic, so she feels anxiety about her accomplishments in life (or lack thereof).... so she goes home where the feedback she gets (from mom) likely jives with her own state of mind. Then, when she gets too beaten down emotionally, she comes to you for a hit of unconditional love.

 

Once she gets it, she returns home where the misery matches her internal state of mind.....

 

At least that is how I see things based on what you described.

 

Unfortunately this girl is going to need to figure this out on her own.... identify the issues... and then work at resolving them. It sounds like she already has a handle on them, but has refused to take the first steps. The more you are around, the more you can shield her and she can continue to oscillate.

 

I'd go almost complete NC. Keep in touch when she contacts you, but give her nothing... except encouragement when she tells you she is finally in therapy. Don't contact her... don't visit her.... you need to be there for her by removing yourself from her life.

 

Then: You can't wait for this girl... you need to build yourself a positive life, one where a girl capable of love can fit in and enjoy it with you. Maybe one day that can be your EX, but for the timebeing she's not qualified to be your girlfriend or friend of ANY significance, so set about on a series of actions that will make it likely... check that... inevitable that you will find happiness with someone.

 

Focus on yourself... adopt a positive outlook on your own life, and lead by example, showing her that life is a happy blessing... it doesn't deserve to be wasted in the pits of depression or in the mental mess of OCD.

 

When and if she gets herself back on course, she will KNOW who and what she lost... you don't need to remind her.

 

In the meantime, your number 1 priority is to accept that this was not your fault... take pride in the effort you gave it... but most importantly start reserving that effort for things that will truly make YOU happy, and where you can get a substantial return on your own emotional investments.

 

Good luck,

 

S&D

[shockeddismayed]

I respectfully disagree with Jai....

 

I don't think this girl is ready for love. She's left him more than once, and while I agree that she maybe *could* love him if she were whole, the unfortunate reality is that she isn't.... and the only thing he can do to help her is let her figure herself out... ALONE.

 

NC until your trip.... go on the trip... and MAYBE, MAYBE look her up to see how she is doing when you return. You need to be objective about this and decide whether she is making any progress toward dealing with her depression and OCD....

 

Otherwise you get sucked into her confusion, and you could very well end up drowning each other.

 

Right now this relationship is not healthy.... you are tired from keeping up MORE than your share... if you wade back into these waters now, you can't withstand it forever... you could easily become resentful, so that by the time she DOES recover, you have fallen out of love with her.... or given up entirely on the relationship and the roles have reversed.

 

That's no good for anyone.

[Shidoshi]

I didn't read the whole thing, but I got a general understanding. Basically, you guys had issues, but you treated her as if she was the "prize" and you became a doormat. She lost respect for you because she knew you weren't going anywhere and you compromised your own happiness to help her.

 

If this is going to work at all SHE needs to initiate things and show YOU that she cares, but from the sounds of things that isn't likely going to happen. I think as long as you're with her (or try to be with her) it will be an up hill battle and she will never appreciate you. I say you need to move on and find someone who will reciprocate your feelings.

 

Even when you tried to break it off, you really didn't commit to it and she saw right through it. I mean she even "laughed" at you because her immediate response was that you couldn't be serious. You can't initiate a break then ask her what she wants, that defeats the purpose of the break in the first place. You tried to use it as a "tool" to force the issue and it didn't work. You want her a lot more than she wants you and as long as it's this way you aren't going to win. You need to start moving on now or you're going to make yourself really miserable.

[Liquidius]

I will always wonder how it could have been if she was in a better state of mind.

 

Your answer is right there. Leave her to be in a better state of mind, and then see how things progress from there. In the meantime, I think you should just keep your distance

[wanger]

Liquidius and reflectionless - Absolutley.

 

S&D, its the only option I have is to let her do her own thing. I have told her how I feel - I am now planning a life without her (well taking each day as it comes), but my heart still misses her. In reality I know that I would be bonkers to even considering giving it another go right now. As per your advice I'm going to do a one sided NC (pretty much what I have been doing over the past few weeks), and let her initiate things. I know that it sounds a little like game playing, and the initial motivation will be to let her know that I am doing fine without her, but with time (and I speak from past experience, and some knowledge of the way my mind works) this will one day become the least important reason. In the meantime, I'll keep my fingers crossed that someone else will come along.

 

She is now being fair and as honest as she can be with me. She admits that she does still love me and sees that we could have a future together, but she needs time to herself to find her own direction and clear her head, and until then does not know whether I will be a part of that. I am going to use this time to do the same. Effectivley she needs to stand on her own 2 feet and not have me propping her up. I can now see that we both need to clear the cobwebs / baggage that built up from our last year together before we split last year. So in the meantime, I'll stay in touch with her, when she wants to call / mail etc, but not initiate anything myself. I've got a few positive things to look forward to, like travelling so I'll try to focus on that.

 

Shidoshi - After I broke it off with her, it was her telling me that she did not know what she wanted. I simply told her that I do love her, but could not carry on in this emotional limbo, and that if she could not make a descision then I would do it for her. Strange, and purely by coincidence June11th was the day we got together, the day we got engaged and the day that I called it off. You are absolutley right about the doormat.

 

Jai - I see what you are saying, but my heart has taken such a battering over the past year that its not sure what it wants anymore, except to put its feet up and take it easy for a while.

 

All - I do miss her very much, but wild horses would not drag me back into a relationship with her right now. I harbour some doubts as to whether I actually do still love her anymore, although my heart sometimes tells me otherwise. The reason that I am having difficulty totally turning my back on this is, putting all emotion aside, that I sincerley believe that she is the one. I have had 3 serious (over 2 years) and quite a few short term relationships in the past, not one of these has come close to the empathy that I feel with this girl. Sometimes we are more like brother and sister than BF and GF. It does also feel a shame to waste the last 6 years of my life by walking away now.

 

Essentially I have the experience to realise that the honeymoon period does not last forever, and that the passion experienced at the beginning of a relationship matures into something less intense but much deeper. She has very little experience of long term relationships, and as that initial passion dwindled she started to ask herself why, and started looking for logical reasons for this (everything must have a logical and rational reason in her mind), so of course she deduced that she was no longer in love with me, so then asked herself why. the best that she could come up with was that I did not do enough housework, and that I was on the comp too much. This is not speculation and does come from the "horses mouth" as it were.

 

Thanks for you advice guys - much appreciated.

[shockeddismayed]

but my heart has taken such a battering over the past year that its not sure what it wants anymore, except to put its feet up and take it easy for a while.

 

There you go... the best advice came from you!

 

 

The reason that I am having difficulty totally turning my back on this is, putting all emotion aside, that I sincerley believe that she is the one. I have had 3 serious (over 2 years) and quite a few short term relationships in the past, not one of these has come close to the empathy that I feel with this girl. Sometimes we are more like brother and sister than BF and GF. It does also feel a shame to waste the last 6 years of my life by walking away now.

 

Ooophh... I know this pain very well. Listen... the best thing I can tell you is that you may just have to accept that she *could have been* the one, but that she couldn't get her act together in time. *The one*, will have everything she had, plus no deficit in her ability to love you.

 

It could well be her someday if she puts it all together, but I'm happy to see that you realize it may not be.

 

Keep on keepin' on... I can tell that you are going to recover well from all of this... have faith.

 

S&D

[wanger]

Thanks S&D

 

I've now got to start trying to rebuild my self esteem - its taken quite a battering throughout all this. I'm an only child and quite a shy person anyway, and suspect that I may have clung on so long for fear of being alone.

 

One of mates has always said that I am in love with being in love. I have never really been happy unless I have someone to share my happiness with. My ex is almost the opposite and feels like her wings are clipped when she is in a relationship, although to be fair to her she used tio say that if anyone was going to clip her wings it should be me.

 

I'm going to get some councelling to deal with my need to be in a relationship, as I suspect that leads to a lot of my unhappiness.

[Ripples]

Wanger,

 

You and me together man.

 

I just want to say that what S & D has said is absolutely spot on.

 

A piece of advice for you - as you move forwards you will continue to have moments of extreme insecurity but do yourself a favour and just refer back to that message. It contains the truth about your situation.

 

I know because I am going through it right now. Emotionally I was exhausted and have now pulled back completely. Every once in a while I get a message from her indicating that she is still out there somewhere and all I do is politely acknowledge her. I give nothing back.

 

My ex is damaged. I didn't see it and was manipulated by the most bizarre things you can imagine. Letting go was the only option. She is now in therapy which is wonderful news but she has a long way to go before she will learn to love in a way that you and I understand it. Her outlook on life and love is very different to ours, she knows it and is trying to understand why. It must be very difficult for her but she can only do it on her own. There is no room for me. Being a fixer i have found it very difficult to move on but guess what? Despite the pain and the tears I have to, and so do you. In your girlfriends mind she didn't treat you like a doormat. It wasn't maliscious, she just doesn't understand the net effect of her actions.

 

Your integrity is now the most important thing. Move forwards in a dignified way. Acknowledge her if she contacts you but give nothing away. She knows you love her.

 

Be strong and look to the bright things in the future now, not the dark things in the past.

[wanger]

Thanks for your supportive words Ripples

 

I've read some of your other posts, and all I can say is that it sounds like we are both in the same boat. Although, I feel for you, from my own viewpoint its nice (and somewhat selfish) to know that other people have gone through similar things, and that I'm not weak, mad or a loser for sticking with this for so long.

 

Do you still harbour hopes that you will get back together once she is better?

 

My heart does, but I still have my brain telling me to run away as fast as I can. I was a fixer too, trying to give advice to her, certainly with respect to her problems at work. All she wanted was somene to listen to her and reassure her that they knew that she was having a tough time. The problem for me was that so many of her issues at work would have been solved by her asserting herself a little more. She hates any kind of conflict - in the total 6 years that we were together we had 1 argument - lots of sulks though!

 

The problem for my ex is that she is still in denial. She knows that she is miserable, knows that she has obsessive thoughts and knows that they are destroying her life, but it is still everyone elses fault (usually mine, her folks or her work).

 

She has now moved back to her folks to "de-stress". Now that she has effectivley removed everything in her life that causes any stress she will probablly feel a lot better. This will of course reinforce her belief that all her issues are down to our relationship and her job. until she starts another job or relationship that is.

 

She has also played the martyr for so many years, telling both her parents and her friends what a bad (not perfect = bad) boyfriend I have been, and has even discussed things with some of my friends, telling them that "we are not getting on very well". She never talked to me about it though. Some of the things that I am supposed to have done are simply not true, others are blown wildly out of proportion. It is only, now that I am pulling away and that reality is sinking into her that our time is truly over, that she is now telling people that it wasn't me, but she has believed that it was me for so long that it has changed the way she feels. Now that I know some of the things that have been said, I can see why her mum was hell bent on splitting us up. To be fair to her (my ex) she has done her best with her folks to set things right and explained to them that I was actually a really great guy and that so much of it was down to her. However, she is prone to be fickle and sincerity is def not her middle name.

 

I was her 1st serious relationship (apart from the spanish chap, which was long distance and on and off), and I kind of think that she needs to be kept on her toes for her to keep her passion alive, rather than the secure (and I hope fullfilling) relationship that I used to offer her. Like myself, she does have some self esteem issues and I would like to believe that she feels that there must be something wrong with someone who loves her more than she does herself.

 

The daft thing, for me, is that if my ex was serious about getting help then I would be prepared to take her back and support her. Until then its simply not my problem anymore.

[Ripples]

I think in my case (I cant speak for you because your G/F will be different) my ex will never get better. The important thing is that she is aware that she has issues and is willing to find out why she has issues. Whether that journey will change the way she is I doubt very much. Leopards don't change their spots. She will more likely learn to identify aspects of her dysfunctional behaviour and then learn how to cope with them whenever she can but I doubt that she will be able to change the way she is. I believe the crossed wires are well and truly fused. It will take many years of therapy to re-wire.

 

One other thing that I need to bare in mind is that the therapist is only as good as my ex lets her be! Imagine that!!

 

Reciveing a text out of the blue after 2 months with no real passion or content suggests that she isn't fixed and is still behaving the way she did before. At 31 she should be able to communicate in a far more effective, adult way. Firing off rogue texts every now and again are really control mechanisms designed to bring me to heal. Woof! Guess what? I didn't go to heal this time, and by doing so I set a new boudary and that will be different for her. Remember, you cant change people but you can control the way they treat you. Set some new boundaries and trust them. Integrity is everything now

 

Anyway in answer to your question about seeing her again - not yet. Why? Because although I am recovering nicely, it still hurts and to go back with pain is not a smart move. It is like playing a game of snakes and ladders. Just when you think you are going to win you step on that big bloody snake and you end up right back at the bottom. If I do see her again it will be because it will mean nothing. Any crap she would then throw my way wouldn't have any effect. So, for now I will continue no contact. If she contacts me and I choose to respond it will be polite and decent, but no more.

 

To be honest, it sounds to me that you know what you have to do it's now just a question of you finding the strength and faith to run with it. Give her space and time - you dont really have any other options...

 

By the way, this site has helped me so much both with learning how to cope with my emotions and, more importantly in understanding exactly what I have been through. I dont pretend at all to be any sort of expert on this. All I am doing is highlighting what I have personally learned regarding my particular situation.

 

I will say though that, in my opinion there are many people on here who are struggling to come to terms with the loss of their loved ones because they have been victims of incredible manipulation. The sad thing is, certainly in my case, I had no idea it was happening and neither did she!!

[Jai]

I'm glad you found your answers Wanger I know how your feeling I myself have been through something similar and I know my heart needed a break too and its had it and things are starting to come back ina more positive aspective and you know what??? If you two are meant to be together you will ...... Do what you need to do for you right now and she will do what she needs to do and when your both ready and if you both still want it it will be there ....... true love never fades it just changes into something more comfortable and you will always have that if its pure..... I dont mean to get all lovey dovey I'm a hopless romantic lol I apologise but if you let her go and she comes back shes yours forever Its about you right now and what will make you happy

Again all the luck in the world

[shockeddismayed]

Thanks S&D

 

I've now got to start trying to rebuild my self esteem - its taken quite a battering throughout all this. I'm an only child and quite a shy person anyway, and suspect that I may have clung on so long for fear of being alone.

 

One of mates has always said that I am in love with being in love. I have never really been happy unless I have someone to share my happiness with. My ex is almost the opposite and feels like her wings are clipped when she is in a relationship, although to be fair to her she used tio say that if anyone was going to clip her wings it should be me.

 

I'm going to get some councelling to deal with my need to be in a relationship, as I suspect that leads to a lot of my unhappiness.

 

Sounds like a good plan...

 

When I was younger (like when I met my ex and earlier girlfriends), I was always a "hopeless romantic".

 

These days I have recovered mostly, but can't seem to feel love when I meet a great girl. I feel excited, but it is fleeting. When I was younger, it would come on so strong, that romantic gestures which led to longer relationships, came naturally. Now I sense that women can see I'm not totally there, so things don't spark up as quickly.

 

Perhaps I've grown up... perhaps not healed... time will tell.

 

I think it is great that you are recognizing your feelings and discussing it with someone... you may find that this experience will make you a little more guarded with the "drug of love" in the future, so perhaps it will be a good thing for you afterall.

 

Good luck.

[shockeddismayed]

Wanger, Ripples:

 

Guys... just wanted to say how happy I am to see your healthy outlooks. I think you guys have really skipped what could have been a WHOLE LOT MORE pain and drama.

 

It's also good that you've found people in the same boat as you. When I was in most pain, I was lucky enough to hook up with Craigblitz and Fletch F. Fletch.

 

The fact we were sharing similar experiences with similar girls really helped us figure things out. Albeit, a little later than you guys.

 

If you ever want to know the "fun" you missed out on, search out our original posts on the matter (they'd be among our first posts).... I chronicled my whole saga. But do us a favour and don't reply to those original threads... I'm not sure any of us want to see that rocky road, and it takes up valuable board space.

 

All the best

 

S&D

[Ripples]

Thx again S&D.

 

Wanger, how are you feeling this week?

[Tigris]

You need to move on this relationship is no good for either of you! If you stay with her your whole life could end up being a rollercoaster!

 

She needs to talk to her G.P. who will then refer her to a psychiatrist, etc.

 

It sounds like the pressure to exceed expectations set by her parents caused the initial problem. Let them sort it out!

 

I advise you sell the house or buy her share that way you've cut all ties!

 

You deserve a better life.

 

Good Luck and take care.