Feel in love with my friend but i dont wanna be her friend..

[ShawnJesper]

Hey there. Ok so here goes. I met my firend at work and when i first met her, i didnt really feel anything for her. She invited me out for drinks, but i wasnt interrested. She was in between relationships. So i blew her off. Not in a bad way mind you, i just never brought it up again. But sircumstances led to friendship. She went back to her boyfirend and i keep beeing her friend.

 

Working every day with her, i became close to her. Not close enough for her to consider me her best firend, but a friend nontheless. Then it happened. To be quite honest, i dunno how i feel in love with her. I think it was because of what someone else mentioned. This guy walked into our store and was blown away by her. He was freaking out when he saw her. He kept mentionning how beautiful she was, etc.. When the day finnally finished i looked at her and stated to think.....he's right, she is amazing. His reation made me realise how absolutely amazing she was. It woke me up so to speak. So i decided to try something. Late, but better late than never. I asked her to come out with me. Lunch. She obviously truned me down, stating that she didnt want to feel like she was cheating on her boyfirend. And im a nice guy so i didnt try to force it. I get it.

 

Let me say this about her, shes the kind of person that gets scared when she has to face someone with honesty. I always told her, i want you to be honest with me. And after time, she started to do so. Shes actually very honest with me now. But not totally.

 

Anyways, after some time, she and her boyfriend broke up. And out of the blue, about a week after breaking up with her ex, she calls me. Says she wants to have that lunch now. So me, not knowing she had broken up, i reluctantly accepted. I knew something was up. So i got to her place that day of the lunch to pick her up. While waiting in her appartment, she tells be if i heard. I aksed about what? She says me and ..... broke up. So i said great, this is my chance. Then she says "oh, i met someone". That left me absolutely crushed. I was lost, confused, frustrated, all of it.

 

I asked myself why in the hell are you calling me??? Why did you call me for lunch? I dont get it?? This was all in my head of course.

 

Anyways, needless to say i was completely confused and very angry. Anyways long story short, she left the city. Had to go home for the summer. Shes still seeing this new guy, which she tells me it's not serious. So yesterday i came out with it. I told her everything. i want to be with her. She replied that she valued my friendship and that she was sad that she couldnt be the woman i wanted her to be.

 

Needless to say, even tho i went out yesterday to get her out of my mind, im crushed. Im very down. Im so in love with this girl and knowing what she said just kiils me inside. Im really fed up with Love. This is the second time i fall for someone that doesnt feel the same way and im fed up of it. Is there anything i can so to.............i dunno, get over it. Did i do something wrong? Im just so god daned fed up of beeing the one who gets the broken hearth.

[heloladies21]

Nothing you can do. Cut contact and work on finding someone new. Hit on lots of girls. Whatever you do, don't become her friend. If you did, then you messed up.

[dave_1966]

You must respect her thoughts on the matter, she was calling you out of friendship and you mis-interpreted it. She can probably detect your frustration with the situation, which will only lead to you being seen as a pest. It's often the un-attainable that we find so attractive, which is clearly the case here. If she'd started a relationship with you and you then found her to be needy or possesive you would have been the one doing the running. The next time you see or speak to her apologise for your behaviour and state that you would value her friendship more than anything, then don't push it. If you get to know her on a friends basis you may see things about her that would turn you off in a relationship, or if you play it REALLY smart she may get to actually like you....

[ShawnJesper]

Ya. But you cant be friends with someone you love. You just cant. I mean, ill try. Im not gonna start hating her or anything. But seeing her is just gonna bring those feelings back and i cant go through that.

[dave_1966]

So, you don't love your friends? You could be such a amazing friend to her that she dumps her boyfriend in favour of you. If it's really worth that much to you, that should be your plan of action. If it's not worth the trouble, go and find more women......

[ShawnJesper]

It's a different love with friends. Im IN LOVE with her. Do you know what that feels like? To see a person every day, be completely in love with her and knowing you can never get her. Do you know how much that hurts? Just seeing her with another guy just kills me inside. How my supposed to be her friend? If you felt what i feel right now, you know why i cant be around her. It's killing me. But she wants to remain friends. Why must this be so bloody hard!

[heloladies21]

Friend, you are exactly right. Who wants to keep their emotions all bottled up? It'll make your self esteem low and you won't be getting anything out of it. I'm serious best thing for you to do is to No Contact her. It'll clear your head and give you more time to hit on other women. It's the smartest thing to do. Don't be her friend ever, she'll never date you that way. I've never seen that happen before.

[ShawnJesper]

Ya, but regardless to her im a friend. So either way, i'm screwed.

[Big Three]

Friend, you are exactly right. Who wants to keep their emotions all bottled up? It'll make your self esteem low and you won't be getting anything out of it. I'm serious best thing for you to do is to No Contact her. It'll clear your head and give you more time to hit on other women. It's the smartest thing to do. Don't be her friend ever, she'll never date you that way. I've never seen that happen before.

 

So your saying that if a women considers you as a friend, she is never ever gonna change her mind and date you ?

[r1]

hey.. She called you because you are her best friend.. shes honest with you because thats how you wanted it to be. I don't know how you guys act together, but if there is some flirting and more then just friends thing then she might like you. I am in the same situation but mine is more complicated because the girl I love is married. Love is very complicated and confusing. I am with you tho...Its better to have taken the risk to tell her then never tell her at all.. man life is way to short.. the way I am going to tell my best friend is that I love her and I know she feels the same way.. but I told her I will be here waiting for you.....IF you both are in love.. then I say do not give up...some people waste a lifetime not knowing what love is. If you found it then go with it. Every great relationship starts with a great friendship. But if you told her and she said that.. maybe she is just scared of losing the great friendship, and maybe she doesnt realize the greater happiness. On the other hand. you did tell her and she knows how you feel.. if she keeps acting like she just wants to be friends.. then stay friends with her and date other women. Sometimes it just takes small things for her to realize that maybe she will date you. You know. life is very very short... if it was meant to be it will happen... hey man keep ya head up