Feeling pushed away

[shygirl23]

Hello, everyone. It's been a while since I've been on here, huh? Well, I'm back and, as usual, I have a problem.

 

My boyfriend and I have a pretty serious relationship. We try to spend a lot of time together, especially since this is our summer vacation and school starts again at the beginning of August. Plus, he's leaving to go visit his relatives for two weeks. He leaves in five days. By the time he gets back, summer will almost be over. Our time is quickly slipping away.

 

Last summer, for the whole two and a half months, I only saw him twice. Twice. Once right after school was out and again the say before it started back, and no time in between. I was depressed the whole time. I felt so lonely that I cried myself to sleep every night. I don't have any other friends besides him. I used to have one really good girlfriend, but once my boyfriend and I started going out, I pushed her away and stopped doing things with her to spend more time with him. Sounds pretty horrible, doesn't it? Well now he's the only person that I've got.

 

I just thought that since we don't have much time left to see each other, that he'd want to spend more time with me. He always used to seem to want to. Well, lately, (and this is just the past week) he's been busy and we couldn't do anything together. And finally, after several days of not seeing him, we finally have a chance to do something together. But as soon as I asked what he was going to do that day (you know, hinting that I wanted to see him), he told me that he was doing something with his friends. So, that was that. No big deal. He did come over the next day, but I wound up getting sick (I have really bad stomachaches that get so bad that sometimes I double over or can't even walk and I felt like that while he was there) and I wound up laying on my bed crying until he had to leave. He said I could call him when he got home and we could talk. So, I called him later and after five minutes he said he was tired and wanted to let me go. I had been crying the whole time I had talked to him. Anytime he's sick or upset I stay on the phone with him until he wants to get off and here I needed him really badly and he was "tired." I couldn't even walk, I felt so bad. So, I let him go. I realized afterward that I was too upset and called him back. He patiently listened for a while and then we got off again. He apologized and everything, but I was still upset.

 

I kept my hopes up and thought that maybe we could do something together the next day to make up for all that lost time when he was busy. But, guess what. He went to his friend's house again. So I figured that I could talk to him when he got home that night. But he stayed at his friend's house and told me that he couldn't talk very long. So I planned to do something with him the next day (yesterday), but then he told me that he was doing something with his dad and that he would call me later. I waited until late last night and he didn't call so I finally called him. He was at his friend's house again, staying the night.

 

I told him about everything that's been upsetting me and we talked it out for about 30 minutes. I explained that I didn't like getting shoved aside and how much I hated it when I needed to talk to him and he just suddenly had to get off the phone. Guess what he did? He said that he had to let me go. So, after a few minutes, I called him back and told him that that was exactly what I was talking about. I guess I made him feel pretty bad, and I wish that I hadn't, but he needs to know that this behavior bothers me. He got pretty upset and wanted to get off the phone and go to bed, so I let him.

 

Now, we're planning on doing something together today and I was under the impression that our plans would start at 11 am, after he finished doing everything that he had to do today. He didn't call me until 1 pm, and he hadn't even started on his chores or whatever yet. I'm getting fed up.

 

This morning, as soon as I woke up, I did everything that I had to do just so I could see him sooner. This is driving me crazy. I'm afraid to get my hopes up today, because something will probably come up.

 

He said that he's trying to balance his time between me and his friends, and I know how hard that is (I mean, I couldn't even do it… I lost all of my friends when I met him), but he's spent three times as much time with his friends this week than he has with me. I don't have anyone else. No friends or anything. So, when I'm not with him, I'm alone.

 

What do you guys think? Maybe I'm just being too clingy. I'm not jealous of his friends, I'm just lonely and upset, and I feel sort of pushed aside.

 

By the way, we're both almost seventeen. Yeah, kind of young, huh? Oh, and also, we aren't having any major problems. He's not about to break up with me or me with him or anything like that. Don't read too much into it. I just need a little guidance.

[misery12]

Well it seems that you are feeling left out, because when he isn't with you, he's busy, and you are the one staying home, waiting for him.

I think that if you had other friends, or other hobbies to occupy your time away from him, that you'd be much happier, and this would give you guys something to talk about instead of just feeling on the relationship.

 

Maybe get a job or something? Join a club, or a sports team?

This way you can get out of the house, and make friends/money while you're at it.

While he's gone, you can call him everday or every other day, and tell him how your day went at this club, or job.. or whatever you do.

 

Maybe you should be the one to say goodbye once in awhile, so you wil feel in control occasionally. Next time you're angry.. don't call him.. just simmer down, and wait until you're calm, and then tell him how you actaully feel, and say that you won't let it get in the way of you two having a good time together.

 

Once he see's that you are starting to be in a good mood, and are more fun to be around, rather than just sit around the house all day waiting for him to return from his other plans.

 

Good luck.

[SaRaHmArIe8588]

well..i dont think you are being too clingy. maybe i would say u were if he had only blew you off a couple times, but you said its happened alot and you dont even get to be alone together. i say you go over to his house and sit him down and have a talk face to face. then..he would have no where to run. you say you have no major problems..but this lack of communication and things starting to "come up"...i would consider that a major problem. but you definetly need to talk to him to his face seeing how he suddenly has to get off the phone everytime you mention it. you need some answers and you need em' now. tell him that

 

* hope i helped!

[shygirl23]

Thanks, both of you. I just got back from there. We talked about it for a long time, had one of our worst conflicts ever, worked it out, and now I think everything's settled.

 

Misery12, you seem to know a lot about me! I thought my post was probably just a lot of goobledegook, but you seemed to infer a lot! I'm probably not in a good mood most of the time, because I'm already so fed up and lonely when I get ot see him. I also have been calling him a lot when I have problems or when I'm angry. And he is usually the one who ends our calls. Even if we both agree that we need to get off the phone, he's the one who does it (of course, this is mostly due to the fact that I don't like being the one who hangs up first--I don't really know why, I never have liked it). Maybe that would help.

 

And, SarahMarie, that's exactly what I did today. Things got kinda hairy for a while, but things are fixed.

 

This problem comes up every now and then of course (I mean, he does have a life besides me and he can't always spend hours talking to me... I understand this), it's just been pretty bad for about the past week. Normally, I wouldn't think too much about it, but so many things keep going wrong and I just happened to need him when he wasn't there.

 

But anyway, enough lingering over this. You guys were a big help and I'm pretty sure that it's resolved.

[Amore]

Wow, I'm going through the same problem, pretty much. I always feel like I'm on the back burner, and while I'd jump at every single opportunity to see my boyfriend, he just doesn't care as much.

 

He'll always make excuses such as "I'm tired, I don't have enough money, I want to hang out with [insert friend's name] tonight instead, I have work for 3 hours" and when we're on the phone, he's always the one to hang up first.

 

I'm always afraid to get my hopes up as well, because I know it's for naught and something always comes up. There are just too many times when we've planned something and at the last minute, he calls and leaves a message saying that he's busy.

 

I'd like to hear how you went about resolving it, because I could use some advice =) Thanks a bunch.