Falling Apart

[Jetta]

Okay I'm just so tired of living and I'm looking so awful these days that my family is seriously concerned about me. The stuff with my son is ripping me apart. My dad really was the person in life who kept me prodding on, just because I knew if I were to kill myself he'd be devasted. He always thought so highly of me. If only it were true.

 

Now I know my brother would have a hard time, and probably my mom. But really it was dad who kept me trying to be a better person and now dad's gone. Sure I have two kids who need a mom, but they're telling me my son is too much for me anyway so he'd probably end up in a better place if I weren't around to have to figure it all out. My daughter is young enough that she'd be fine with a new mom, oh I know it's not the same but I'm not me anymore anyway. I think I've lost my mind. And even if I haven't I don't like who I am anymore and who I'm becoming.

 

It's hard all the time hard. I'm just tired of it all. My hair has been falling out. My once clear complexion is now a mess, they're telling me I have a staph infection. To me it's acne. Whatever it is it's all over my chest and my face and the meds haven't been helping to clear it up. I picked a really dumb time to file for divorce. Sure I was unhappy for years but now I have all that stuff to figure out.

 

I was going to post under emotions and feelings, because I'm not officially planning to commit suicide or anything. But the way I've been feeling lately posting here is more accurate. I'm the type to just do it rather than write about it if I were to actually decide to go through with it.

 

You know they say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. And well he has with me.

[Opiate]

Ohh man, staph infection is a very serious illness, but just because the outside of you is changing dosent mean that your heart is, you love your sons no matter what people think, its not the outside, its the inside that counts. Im pretty sure your a caring loving person, dont let your looks get to your emotions. I feel sorry and i wish the best of luck to you. Just dont do anything any sane person wouldent do, You have alot to live for, you just dont see that yet.

[Gilgamesh]

Long ago, my Mom was telling me about a Lady, she had all these skin ailments, blisters, etc, she was always tired and weak. couldnt sleep chronic in many ways.

 

she went to all kind of doctors, took tests etc. it wasnt hypochondria as she did have blisters all on her.

 

well after many years, she went to a psychologist, and there they found what the problem was, seems that her mother in law, never saw her as good enough for her son, and whenever she visited, she always had a quick quip or put down, the problem is, she never stood up for herself, and her husband never came to her defense.

 

This woman had a very negative view of herself, and she believed them, she actually became ugly, because she believed what others said. she would look in the miirror and see herself as not worthy, so she became what she believed she was.

 

After a little work on self esteem this woman was "cured" of her problems,

 

You know that sadness, sorrow, stress all contribute to lowering your immune system.

 

your not having a very high opinion of yourself, you see yourself falling apart, as desirable, when someone says something even remotly negative you take that and amplify it in your mind.

 

Its easy for me to say what to do, its harder for you to do them, but you must get out of this negative loop your in and will requiere major effort on your part.

 

First off, forget about what others think of you, you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. I know your having negaive thoughts, sometimes you think god is punishing you, or its bad karma, no matter what you do it always turns out bad etc. I know, I been there.

 

The pain you feel seems so overwhelming you think the only way out is taking your life. its only one option, the worst one. there are others that are better.

 

If you dont like who you are or what you have become, why not change that? why not become a "new" person? its drastic, yes, but not as drastic as the other option.

 

Do it, re-arrange everything, dont ask for opinions from your regular crew, do this on your own.

 

Go to a beauty saloon, a new one you never have been to before, and do a complete change of style.

 

go to the mall, by new clothes, something you normally wouldnt wear, is there a woman you look up to or admire on TV or on the Big screen? dress up like her!.

 

rearrange the furniture in your home, if you can afford it, change some, change the colors on your walls, get a few interior decorating magazines for ideas.

 

look into taking some classes, dance, cooking, art, whatever something that has always interested you but never got around to it. get into a gym right away, get on a good rutine and stick to it!

 

pamper yourself, get a massage, take long herbal baths, light some candles play some soft music while you soak.

 

just do this stuff, dont even think about it!

 

This is your new you, the one that has the life you want, that lucky cute girl you always thought knew you would become. you deserve to be happy

you do have the power to manifest the type of life you really want, but if your expectations are negative, then that will be your reality. the choice is yours!

[Jetta]

Gilgamesh,

I really like what you said and the suggestions you gave. That negative person is my mother. I try to ignore her, I've yelled at her to shut up, I've countered her remarks. She just doesn't quit. She's overly critical and has very high expectations. My dad worked to counter some of her remarks to me when I was young. But she was awful to him too.

 

The weekend trip to Vegas with her was awful. She wouldn't allow me time to get myself ready in the morning because she was always picking on me, pushing me around to get out of her way (literally), and just mean. I didn't feel confident because she wouldn't allow me time to get myself together, didn't let me rest (turn the TV on at 5 a.m. after getting to bed at 1 a.m.). Generally uncooperative. I just don't understand her or even really like her, but she's mom.

[TreeFrog]

Jetta,

 

I think you would benefit from either taking classes in REIKI or receiving REIKI healing. But I think having a REIKI treatment and Taking classes would be great. It has been known to have to the power to clear up all kind of ailments which often have their cause rooted in the emotions.

 

REIKI will help you to dissipate all the negative energies that you have been recieving from mom and from other people. Give it try... there is nothing to lose. I have been on REIKI LEVEL ONE course and I think it would be great for you. Who know you may have a talent which you didnt know existed.

 

Go on give it a go!