Is it over? How long do I wait?

[scotchtape]

I will try by giving the cliff notes on this one. Back in January my husband and I decided to divorce and since we have had a very amicable divorce and have been able to communicate. The marriage had been over for a good 10 - 12 months prior to that but we did not make any changes (obviously) for a long time. Soon after I had moved out I started dating a wonderful man. I was not looking for a relationship so soon, but it just happened. We hit it off wonderfully. However, there were some elements of the relationship that were at the very forefront of us getting together. This wonderful new man that I was with was planning on moving back to his home town and had been planning so for a while. I was also planning on moving back to my home town, but we decided to play it by ear and take it day by day. However it soon became apparent to me that I was falling in love with this new man and we started talking about the idea of moving out of our current city together whether it be to my home town or his. About a week and a half ago I asked him point blank if I should plan on moving to his home town and he said yes, but he did not want me to have regrets. Fair enough, I understand and respect that, but I am at the age where I can make my own decisions and I decided that I loved him enough and wanted to make this move and give "us" a chance. The other night I was on the verge of falling asleep and I called him by my former husbands name. I meant nothing by it, I do not have feelings for my ex. I simply had a lot on my mind, one of those things being to not talk to my ex anymore (just better for me). This opened a very emotional dialouge and he said that I needed to take care of myself. We talked for 3 hours about everything in our relationship, as it has been a bit emotional to this point. We told each other for the first time that we loved each other and that we are the best thing that has happened to each other. He did not say it was over, but he said he wanted to work on some things for himself and that I needed to work on myself. I'm confused. We said we loved each other, we care about each other, we told each other that we are one of the best things that has happened in our lives and we have a wonderful time together, but we have not talked for 3 days. He says that it is not final, but he says that he cannot be there for me emotionally as he has been in the past. I know he was hurt by me calling him by my ex, but I could have called him Donald Duck at my point of sleep that night and would not have known the difference. He said he needed his space,which I am respecting. We still have each others apartment keys and clothes, etc. at each other's place. Knowing him the way I do, I think he would have asked for all of his stuff back, but maybe he is just going to write it all off. However, I know that he is thoughtful enough to give me my stuff back and he has not called yet. How long do I give him? I don't want to push him away.

[sabena]

hi, i am going through something a little similar myself and from the information that i am getting off my friends is give him at least a week. Don't call him or write him or push him into a corner, i made that mistake and it backfires terribly. Just let him wander with his thoughts, sometimes it could be the 4th or 5th day of not seeing someone when you finally get time to yourself to think so by giving him 7 days you've given him a good opportunity. Then after that send him a message or phone him, but again don't push him and too by then you will have gathered your own thoughts a little more and will be in a stronger position to help maybe..

[Troubled Girl]

Ouch girly! That is pretty rough....mind you i talk all the time in my sleep.....try using duck tape over your mouth at night in the future...lol...

 

ok, honestly...

 

My boyfriend is/was (is sperated, not divorced) married and we were together while he was living at home...One day he came to see me at my apartment and during a conversation he called me by his wifes name (he wasn't even sleeping)....man did that fu** me up....BUT....I got over it.

 

Not right away though, I actually didn't talk to him for over a week i felt I was disrespected.....then I woke up and realized the poor guy has a gazillion things on his mind and talked to him about it. He was so upset he cried (something this hard-as* Italian doesnt do too often)...

 

It takes time to heal things like that because this new man is probably thinking your ex is always on your mind....don't take the relationship as being over, just give him time, it was a hurtful thing to say (intentional or not)

 

If he truly loves you, all will be forgiven....good luck!

[dextro]

Seriously its all normal, you just left your husband thats all good. If the "new" man is as wonderfull as you thought well why don't you bother? If he loves you he'll be back. That hurts for sure but well its life and you have to move on.

 

peace

 

Jeff l. Spiegel