New dilemna

[martyj]

I have been broken up with my ex for a month. That was the 2nd time we had been together.

 

We broke up as i have an addiction problem and well its needs to be sorted out.

 

So last week i was told by her to never call her again otherwise she would change her number. So, i gave my cell phone away to a friend so i couldnt texted and it helped. i got my phone back on Sunday to find a text from her about a show i might be interested in. I found it kind of strange as she made it clear not to call her.

 

Anyway we have now had contact etc etc and i know she is hurting hard too.

 

I took the week off work as i needed to start the ball rolling with my addcition problems and went to a drop in clinic yesterday and have an addiction counsellor assigned to me.

 

I had arranged this even before the contact and when i told my ex she wanted to know all about it a she said she wanted to understand as she cares about me.

 

Anyway today i had lunch with her and she asked me some questions which i answered.

 

She is going away travelling for 5 months and the original plan was to meet her i November. I told her today that i am in love with her and she says that i cant go out with you as you need to concentrate on beating this and to promise that i will as she is proud of me for having the guts to face up to it.

 

I said i had promised myself which i have and said you never know you might ask me to come meet you when you are away and she said i might.

 

She said i have to see that you are doing this and it wouldnt be right to go back out with you and if you meet someone else well that will be you and you will forget me. To be honest i know i will want her when she comes back i just know that i will.

 

She talked about my band and stuff which are doing really well and asked what gigs we had and i told her we have some big ones and she said she was so excited for me and she would miss them.

 

My dilemma is i do want her back and i know she isnt a game player but this seems to me like she wants me as she said i hadnt lost her but she isnt exactly here if you see what i mean.

 

I was thinking radio silence as I know that normally i would have texted her and she wants to mail me when she is away.

 

Do you think there is any point in carrying a torch for her or just move on????

[Hope75]

I think that your main focus right now should be getting your addiction under control, and the rest will follow.

 

You say she left b/c of your addiction problem, it is definitely of concern, and since she is leaving for 5 months, you won't be with her anyway so why not really work on YOU and getting yourself together?

 

It does not sound as though she has lost interest, but loving an addict is hard, believe me, I've been there. You have no chance of a healthy relationship if you are still using anyway, so work on that first.

 

For now, I would put her on the back burner and try ot work on staying clean. If in 5 months you have it under control, who knows what may happen when she comes back?

 

I worry that you are in a band, and I don't know what your band/lifestyle is like, but if it's like many, your bandmates probably drink and/or use as well, have you thought about how difficult it will be to be clean if they are not?

 

Just some thoughts. That should be your #1 priority right now.

[temperamental_taurus]

I am so proud of you for making that difficult first step..! The best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself. Get yourself healthy. It may be a blessing in disguise - her leaving for awhile. Take that time to recover from your addiction - everything after that will fall into place. What is meant to be, will be! Take each day 24 hours at a time! You'll be glad you did because this addiction of yours, even though it may make you feel better temporarily, will eventually destroy your relationships and life. *hugs*

[martyj]

Hope 75 thanks for your advice i know what you mean. I think the thing i hang onto is that she said that i havent lost her she thinks she is doing the best by me by leaving even though it is really hurting her alot but i have been out with people that play games before and know that she isnt like that so, i really want to take her at face value.

 

I think the fact she want to keep in touch and says that she needs to see that it happens means that she hasnt written me off yet.

 

Temperamental Taurus thanks for saying you are proud that means alot. It is easy to abstain from alcohol i did it before for 9 months but this time i have had to accept that it is a problem for me which i didnt do before so its been harder this time thats why i sought after professional help.

 

I suppose i was looking for whether we had a chance or not and well i suppose there is always a chance.

 

To hear her say that she might ask me to come meet her says to me that she is still thinking about it and that she is seeing if i will really do it this time for myself not for her.

 

With regards my band we are going on tour soon and yeah they all drink and do drugs but not to addiction status. For me it is something i am accepting in my head that i cannot do so that was the biggest step for me as i now have my sessions to look forward to where i can spend dedicated time talking it all through and the rest remembering why i cant do drink or drugs.

 

One day at a time. I know from the last week that life is strange in that a week ago she said that she would change her number and now she has been calling me.

 

Good to have a womans perspective on these things. I actually look well on the outside people keep saying that to me. i know iwant her but also to come out of the other side of this.....