Leges39 Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 So, I am with a new girl and she is incredible in every sense. we have been dating for almost a month. However, I think she broke up with me because the first two times (the only) we had sex, I lost my erection and could not finish the job. She said she was devastated and felt really bad. She said it was for other reasons, but I feel this is the main reason. Everything was going so good and we even had plans for a trip this weekend, now I am trying to save this relationship….she was just as happy as me I feel. What can I do to not lose her and fix the situation? I was actually hoping it would all work its self out (the sex thing) over the weekend…I was really looking forward to it…she said she is afraid now to have sex with me because of it Link to comment
Cecelius Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 How old is she? Young girls are notoriously insecure about sex, and she likely takes it as a reflection on how attractive she is. If she's freaking out this much, she is likely not worth your time. Link to comment
Mr Meh Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Sounds like she's taken it as a personal insult. You could explain to her that this is not the case, and that it happens to a lot of men; especially with a new partner. Once you are more comfortable together, the problem will probably go away, unless you both focus on it so hard that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You might want to keep an eye on the fact that she dumped you over it, though. She doesn't sound too sympathetic! Link to comment
Leges39 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Share Posted June 22, 2005 she hasn't dumped me over it yet. we still have plans we have made and we decided to talk more.. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 I would come right out and ask her if sex was a factor in her decision for ending the relationship. Then be sure to tell her that you think she is very attractive and what happened didn't have anything to do with her, and that you're working on it. she said she is afraid now to have sex with me because of it I think that is a little bizarre. I mean I'm sure it may have been an uncomfortable situation, but nothing that should evoke fear or being "afraid". If she's going to freak out over it then maybe she's not the one for you. She sounds a little shallow.... Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 If she would react to it that badly, I am not sure she is worth the time. I mean at 30, she should know well enough that not every guy walks around ready to go all the time, and they know that sometimes stress, alchohol, depression, fatigue and NERVOUSNESS with a new parther can affect things like that. Heck, after the first time, I would say the second time nervousness had a lot to do with it! She may have taken it as a personal insult, or maybe she feels that is how things "always are" with you...in either case it might help to explain things or talk to her about it and find out if she "broke it off" because of that. But if she still is "freaking out" over it, it might be a good opportunity to decide if she is really worth going any further with... Link to comment
Leges39 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 I should add that she just lost her father in September who she was very close to and she is still dealing with some depression… Link to comment
Leges39 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 my email to her about it. Her response: DO I TAKE THE TRIP? Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 She sounds a little um....overloaded with baggage at the moment. You just have to know that at this point, I can't guarantee that I can go back to where we were. That is how I feel right now. This in my opinion is the gentle try not to hurt him 'rejection letter'. She is saying she does not want more, but trying to be awfully nice about it. Whether it is "her" or "you" I say you probably should stay careful in this situation...it's too much drama and work this early on already in my opinion. You could take trip if you thought you could do it, but I would go into it with NO expectations, don't even bring things up and let her do it, and treat it as a platonic friends situation and see how she reacts. And be careful with your heart around her, I don't think going by her email she feels as mad for you as you might her. I think even though she said you were "marriage" material, she is a bit freaked out at moment and pressured and is running the other way.... If things are meant to be, they shall be Link to comment
SouthernSon Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 She sounds a little um....overloaded with baggage at the moment. You just have to know that at this point, I can't guarantee that I can go back to where we were. That is how I feel right now. This in my opinion is the gentle try not to hurt him 'rejection letter'. She is saying she does not want more, but trying to be awfully nice about it. Whether it is "her" or "you" I say you probably should stay careful in this situation...it's too much drama and work this early on already in my opinion. You could take trip if you thought you could do it, but I would go into it with NO expectations, don't even bring things up and let her do it, and treat it as a platonic friends situation and see how she reacts. And be careful with your heart around her, I don't think going by her email she feels as mad for you as you might her. I think even though she said you were "marriage" material, she is a bit freaked out at moment and pressured and is running the other way.... If things are meant to be, they shall be I agree. Just read her email reply a couple times. To me, it sounds like she has something else going on that she isn't telling you. As RayKay said, baggage of some kind most likely in the form of an ex, another guy, a kid, family, who knows. All I know is that you aren't getting all the info and she certainly doesn't seem to be as forthcoming and honest in her feelings as you do. As a side note RayKay, please please PLEASE don't use the phrase "broke it off" when talking about erectile dysfunction around men. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 As a side note RayKay, please please PLEASE don't use the phrase "broke it off" when talking about erectile dysfunction around men. Hehe....duly noted Link to comment
Mr Meh Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 It sounds to me like she is staying open to an honest discussion which can't be a bad thing. She is also trying to not lead you on as to wher eyour future will be headed. As long as you are prepared to hear whatever she has to say good or bad, I would go. Being "trapped" in a car for a few hours can make for excellent distraction free discussion. What really stuck out for me was the number of times in your email you mention "coming inside" her. Why is that so important? Link to comment
Leges39 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 i didn't come at all....could not while we were havng intercourse. Link to comment
Mr Meh Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 ah..ok..the focus seemed to be on where.. I guess theissue isn;t really the non-cumming anymore, but you do realize that being drunk makes it very difficult to get off? Link to comment
Leges39 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 Also, she lost her father in september and she has been depressed about it,,,,,even had something to do with her losing her last job....when we talked tuesday night about us, she said she was a mess and the father loss was still a issue....that is the baggage she warned me of. Link to comment
lady00 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 You know, she sounds like she has a lot going on and maybe she's actually just being honest in saying that it's not you, it's her. Sometimes when someone has too much to deal with they find something that happens w/their partner to justify to themselves pulling away from someone they may well like very much. My advice is, go on the trip...if you don't, do you feel that you would always wonder "what if?" If you think that it will bother you not knowing what would have happened (either working things out or not) then go ahead and go. If not, don't. Be forwarned though...you could end up getting hurt. Link to comment
Leges39 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 am so torn on this one.....i do like her and everything was so good up to that night....i know this has something to do with it.... i called my doc, and i will have the little blue pill to get me through if necessary, but still am i spinning my wheels? why should i bother with a girl that is ready to end it so quick....or is that okay because it is so early in the relationship that the connection is not quite there yet..... part of me wants this to work and fight for it because it was so good and new, but the other tells me i am doing the same thing i did with the ex and that was to hold onto anything positive and fight to make it work... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 why should i bother with a girl that is ready to end it so quick the other tells me i am doing the same thing i did with the ex and that was to hold onto anything positive and fight to make it work... I think those were the 2 most important things that you've said. If I were in your shoes, I would not invest too much into a person that had a negative start. Usually the warining signs of incompatability show up early. Not to mention, if this is behavior that reminds you of an ex, you certainly don't want to re-live the past. You can still find "good and new" elsewhere, while allowing yourself to escape further hurt from this situation. Link to comment
Leges39 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 Well, I am going to go for it and go. I will be picking her up tonight. We talked and we both discussed our interest in going, but also our fear that we are taking a step back while there. She mentioned taking a step back since before we slept together, which to me was a lot of fun….but it may have been more fun then because at least you knew it was leading up to sex. She was even the first one to mention us having sex when we started dating about a month ago…I asked her if I still get to hold her hand and everything before the sex and she laughed and said yes…. Who know, maybe we just moved to fast and she needs to get comfortable again. I will know after this trip if this will continue as a relationship. Link to comment
Mr Meh Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Awesome..good luck, man. remember to really listen to what she is saying to you..and have fun! Link to comment
beatless Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 i didn't come at all....could not while we were havng intercourse. Hey there, I read your story and it is possible that alcohol affected your performance? It does for me and in fact I may have the same situation like yours with my breakup, I'm middle age man so there may be more issues with me. Were you attracted to her "physically"? It could be the alcohol.. Link to comment
Leges39 Posted July 12, 2005 Author Share Posted July 12, 2005 yes, i was attracted....i am also off a breakup (3 years) from 10 months ago and i may be still a basket case from it....also, there was a lot pressure to perform since she knew so many of my friends. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now