my boyfriend wants less sex and more porn

[jessie27407]

i need some advice....my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 2 years and we started living together after only 6 months...until we moved in together the sex was AMAZING...then it all changed....he wanted sex less and less...at the same time, i was finding a lot of porn sites on our computer...now after almost a year of this steady decline, i am coming to the end of my rope...we have not had sex since october of 2002...we mess around usually once a week thru oral and manual stimulation but intercourse has been a LONG TIME....I LOVE SEX and i can't take it anymore...i have talked to him about it many many many times and nothing changes and everytime we talk it is a different excuse...i thought in the beginning it had a lot to do with moving in together and his adjustment to that but it has been long enough for him to come to grips with the living situation.....i DO NOT think he is cheating on me and every other aspect of our relationship is wonderful but the SEX...i tried putting a parent control on the pc and that was the final straw for him...he is very upset and he feels i don't trust him...please respond..talking to him hasn't worked and either have very blatent hints (ex. parent control)... this situation makes me feel insecure...please someone make me feel better about this...i am driving myself crazy

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Jessie

 

You didnt mention his age, and something is telling me something a bit more serious is happening here, it could be Physical or Psycological but something is up, and not what you want!!

 

You need to get to the root of the problem, his looking at porn may be his attempt to get excited again, men are very visually stimulated, he may have a hard time keeping an erection and doesnt want to be embarrased, a mans pride is very fragile.

 

As i dont have enough details, this problem can be one of many things, could be the relationship, physical or mental or combination, find the problem, then youll know the solution! but communication is key, dont be angry with him about the porn until you get all the facts.

[CamaroJoe]

that's not good. it's not that he doesn't like having sex with you, i wouldn't think. but maybe you should try new things in ur sex life. positions, do some krayzie stuff. i know it sounds weird but new and exciting things can help. but watch out, don't start asking if he's cheating or anything like that. just let him do his thing, and if bothers you too much and he won't try to work things out or try new things, then just my advice it to separate. sorry, but the truth hurts.

[segagirl]

Ok I will try to make this as short as possible.

Pornography can be considered an addiction. If is secretive, consistent and effects real relationships then he is well on his way, if not already addicted. Addiction can be discouraging, and can seriously damage someone's self-esteem. When you're in a hole, it's easy to feel very worthless. Sometimes he may have insecurity or loneliness with sex. Some people, when they're feeling lonely, turn to masturbation or pornography. Even the most happily married man in the world feels lonely once in a while. Having said that, it is important you understand there may be an emotional problem underneath the surface. Talking with you about this is prob. very embarrassing for him. Its important you try and not be judgmental, and not treat him like a child (the web filter). You may need to push him to making changes though....Not by telling him what he is doing wrong, but by sharing what your needs are (sex, no porn) and that he makes the changes. This is not to be a wishy washy conversation. Its... I need this to be happy and we need to make a plan now.

[kmachris]

Hello, I definitely have to agree with CamaroJoe on this one. I believe guys are always looking for something more exciting then the same ol' stuff. I believe you need to surprise him, or just do wild things that you wouldn't imagine. Different things, is what keeps a great sex life in tact. Living on the edge is a nice way of putting all this, and go places, and doing things in places you wouldn't imagine. To be perfectly honest with you, sex can be boring if it's the same postion at the same place.

 

However, like you said, I don't believe he is cheating on you, but there is a little more to the story. Guys have a habbit of not discussing what is on there mind, concerning their relationships. Don't take it offensive, b/c I really do doubt he is just doing it on purpose. Well I wish you the best of luck, and definitely let us know what happened!!!

 

Best regards,

 

Chris

[cris67]

Hi Jessie

 

I have been haging around on the boards for awhile trying to get help and find answers for exactly the same problem. I keep hearing the same story over and over again. It seems to be down to the differing sexual psychology of men and women. Most men seem to separate sex and love to a much higher degree than most women. It causes an awful lot of emotional pain for women. I don't think they mean to hurt us - does that make it even worse ? One thing I am sure of is tha if he loves you then he should be able to express those feelings by making love with you properly. What he is doing on the net is emotional cheating; he doesn't want to make love to you or even have plain old sex but he thinks you should sit by while he indulges his sexual fantasies of being with others. That is unacceptable and things needs to change. He need to be passionate with you and make you feel wanted. Every woman needs that, yeah ?

[pimpcess]

Watch the porn with him enjoy it! Show him ur willin 2 float his boat and do take an interest in what he likes and he should ditto it! Be open minded I'm a bird and PORN RULES!! It's all gravy!

 

Fashzzle with the jizzle double jizzle!

[jessie27407]

thanks for the advice...to address the question of age...i am 24 and he is 27...i have tried to communicate with him but he gets embarrassed and won't talk about it and says its private...also i have tried more exciting advances and they never work....i also have tried to leave it alone and it gets worse and more frequent when he doesn't have me breathing down his neck...so i have addressed all the issues in your advice and the only one it seems i can address is seperating...yesterday he was telling me he wants us to buy a house together...he is so hard to read and very secretive...when we are together everything is wonderful but when we are apart he is a porn freak...i like porn and i would watch it with him but now it has made me so insecure i think it would lead to a big fight...i am too young to not be in a romantic sexual relationship and i want passion in my life...this scenario isn't supposed to happen until i am older!..i do agree, i think it is physical or emotional factors on his part and i am not going to make myself feel like it is me anymore!!!!!!!!!...he has issues and i need to know how to make him realize it and get him so help!!