u like them more then they like u

[buckley]

I was just wondering, on some of these posts alot of people are sayin how one of the reasons that their exs broke up with them was because their ex said that they loved them more then they did.....

 

i was just wondering why does that matter? if u like or love someone why would it matter if they do more?

 

if i was way into a guy but i fel he was even more so into me i dont think it would bpther me, what is it about it that makes ppl bothered about it. does it put them off? or does it make them guilty or is it not fair? or what , i dont get it

[Empathy]

Because those people are either using it as an excuse or they actually have a heart and are setting those people free. I know that I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't love me as intensely as I loved them.

[buckley]

but why wouldnt u

[Empathy]

I feel that I DESERVE to be with someone who will give me a love as intense as I give them. If I'm willing to give that much of myself I should be recieving it as well. Everyone deserves to get as much love as they give. That's just what I believe.

[Mr. Cactus]

I agree with Empathy. I feelone of the most important ingredients to a successful relationship is that the dynamics are equal. I feel that if I am willing to commit myself to particularly high emotional level in a relationship, then I would want my partner to do the same. I just don't feel I would be happy in a relationship where the other person isn't as emotionally commited to it as I am. I would rather put in my efforts elsewhere if that was the case.

 

In any instance, I think a lot of the cases of relationships ending in this way is because one partner is in love with the other, but the other isn't actually in love with them at all. They may love them, but they are not in love with them. I think that scenario is different to two people being in love as the original scenario suggested.

 

I have seen it suggested that love is in fact one of the most selfish of human emotions. I actually agree with that. Sure, when we love someone we devote our lives to them and put their well-being right up there with our own (even above our own well-being). But I think romantic love really is very selfish too. We want the same back. I really don't think it is at all healthy to try and battle on in a relationship where one side is more giving of their love than another. It is bound to create tensions down the track. Ask anyone who has been in that situation. I am sure the vast majority were very unhappy.

 

I personally have not ever had any female express romantic love for me, but I have done so to them. Although they have told me they love me back, it isn't the same type of love. Quite frankly, when you feel romantic love for someone, you really either want exactly the same in return or you will be very unhappy and / or decide to move on.

[DN]

Obviously you can't quantify love, e.g. - she loves him 9 out of 10 but he on;y loves her 6 out of 10.

 

But it is important that each person feels that they are getting as much emotionally out of the relationship as they are putting in, otherwise the relationship is out of balance; and eventually, there will be resentment, or jealousy and insecurity.

[buckley]

I guess i was wondering in a more situational way.........for example......

 

your goin out with someone for 6 months and its wonderful, you arent in love just as of yet, but he tells you one night that he loves you.........are u supposed to then break up with him because you are not yet in love with him but he is with you?

 

its just ive read posts where ppl say my ex said that i loved him more then he did me as one of the reasons we broke up.....

 

but i cant understand how just because they fall in love when u arent there yet for example your supposed to break off a possible good thing.........

[DN]

I guess i was wondering in a more situational way.........for example......

 

your goin out with someone for 6 months and its wonderful, you arent in love just as of yet, but he tells you one night that he loves you.........are u supposed to then break up with him because you are not yet in love with him but he is with you?

 

its just ive read posts where ppl say my ex said that i loved him more then he did me as one of the reasons we broke up.....

 

but i cant understand how just because they fall in love when u arent there yet for example your supposed to break off a possible good thing.........

 

No necessarily break up at that point, you may want to give it more time. But at some point you have to be more or less at the same level of commitment.

[hearo97]

Unless you've been in the situation, its hard to explain. Imagine loving someone intensely only to realize that they don't feel the same way... that is a lot of emotional energy with little return. In a way, love is like a car battery (oh my god, this is a horrible metaphor, but bear with me!).... You send out an amount, and then some comes back... if one side is sending out substantially more than the other side, the charge will eventually die out because one person just can't sustain the whole thing.

 

It's heartbreaking when it's a true situation, though as one person said its often an excuse too. Loving someone that doesn't love you back is possibly the hardest thing you can ever do. It can only be sustained for so long before you're just burnt out and can't do it any more. And sometimes the other person sees what's happening and honestly admits that the feelings can't be returned... knowing this, they'll end things humanely.

 

This is my take on it anyway.... and I've been there... it's hard.

[the_last_kiss]

Unless you've been in the situation, its hard to explain. Imagine loving someone intensely only to realize that they don't feel the same way... that is a lot of emotional energy with little return. In a way, love is like a car battery (oh my god, this is a horrible metaphor, but bear with me!).... You send out an amount, and then some comes back... if one side is sending out substantially more than the other side, the charge will eventually die out because one person just can't sustain the whole thing.

 

i totally agree, im in this situation now and it is the worst thing that has happened in my life. i love her with everything i have and everything i can get, and i get blown off for friends and ignored for a week at a time. The stupid thing is that it is completely killing me inside...but i love her too much to give up *rolls eyes* i want to try and get things back to the way they were. its not just a case of not returning love either, cuz she says i love you, but shes got really distant and will make time to see everyone but me and just doesnt seem to care........*cries*....but i would agree that loving someone who doesnt love you back is really hard, and does matter.

 

[edit]

although as bad as the bad is...when you do both feel the same and things are good...love is great!!!and id say worth working for!!!!

[OceanEyes]

I've been in this situation before on both sides.

 

When on the side of the relationship that loves less, it's a very uncomfortable feeling to know that someone is expecting more from you than you can ever give them. It's true that in some cases love can evolve, but not all cases. I've dated a couple of guys who dropped the "but I love you" card less than a month into our "relationship", and it left me feeling like there were certain expectations (like me loving in return) when I just didn't feel it. When you sign on for 'fun and easy', and get someone who is ready to settle down with you and professes their undying love, it's the biggest turnoff. Those who have been in the situation know the feeling: RUN AWAY FAST!!

 

When being on the side that loves more, you know right away that the other person doesn't feel the same way. I wanted more than he could give me, so when I wanted to be exclusive and date only him, he wanted to date other women. NOT OKAY.

 

Nobody should settle for a person who 'likes' them if they are in love. The relationship will never work because both people want different things, have different needs, and have a completely different set of expectations.

[DN]

I think the point has to be made that sometimes people in a relationship do take different times to get to the same point. To give up too early whether you are the one who loves more or less could be a major error. Of course, the difficulty is knowing if the one who is 'lagging' will catch up or not.

[OceanEyes]

I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but I will usually *know* within a couple of weeks whether or not I even could love a person. I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to think that I could tell immediately, but it shouldn't take that long to get enough vibes from a person to know whether or not they're right for you. If it takes months to know whether or not you could see yourself with a person, then in my opinion, it's just not natural.

[DN]

I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but I will usually *know* within a couple of weeks whether or not I even could love a person. I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to think that I could tell immediately, but it shouldn't take that long to get enough vibes from a person to know whether or not they're right for you. If it takes months to know whether or not you could see yourself with a person, then in my opinion, it's just not natural.

 

Perhaps you are right, I think it depends on the individual. Sometimes people don't realise they really love someone until they lose them, or the opportunity.

 

I think there is a difference between 'could' see yourself with someone, and 'knowing' that you definitely want to be with them or not.

[ladyluck]

some peole just aren't ready an get scared and take the easy way out there's no explaining people

[buckley]

I guess its true what lady luck said.........that you know somewhat quickly if you are never goin to fall in love with the person..........i guess thats when u break up with them, i knwo in my experience i broke up with a guy cos i thought i never would......

 

Its a tough call tho.......

 

I gues if they said they loved you but u werent sure if u would soon or not thta u would stil stay with them, i guess they only break up with u if they know they wont fall for u...........

 

do u agree or do u think they do when they also think they might but arent yet in love but u r..........

[ShawnJesper]

At least theres love both ways, mine was one way.

[Mr. Cactus]

At least theres love both ways, mine was one way.

 

Same here. It's a shame, isn't it. Still, there isn't really anything you can do to make someone fall in love with you, so at least you shouldn't blame yourself or wonder how you could have done things "better".

[Mr. Cactus]

I've been in this situation before on both sides. When on the side of the relationship that loves less, it's a very uncomfortable feeling to know that someone is expecting more from you than you can ever give them.

 

I wonder how many other people feel that way. Reason I ask is that the two times it ever happened to me (I was the one that loved more), the other party said it did not matter to them one bit. But actually, that worried me even more than if they felt uncomfortable with it, because to me it implied they hardly felt any emotion whatsoever in the relationship or at least seemed not to really care.

[btbt]

I wrote something like this in another post, but all this depends on your definition of love. If it's something where you need to get something back and your partner isn't giving it to you, then you're setting yourself up for pain and disappointment. But, if you are one of those magically selfless people -- who give unconditional love -- and aren't hurt or pained despite that the partner doesn't reciprocate, then that might be another situation. I think of my mother who is the most unconditionally loving person I've met. My brother (a grown adult) is incredilbly cruel emotionally and disrespectful to her, to the point where friends and family have suggested that she cut ties with him, at least for the time being. But she can't. She continues to give and give and give and each time I can see that she is setting herself up for heartbreak. She usually does get very hurt, but she doesn't dwell on it because it's more important for her to give love to her son.

 

Of course, this is a blood, parent-child relationship, whose bonds go deeper than romantic relationships. But if you are one of those courageous and rare people where love is about giving and not about receiving, then go for it. But it's a risky world; lots of selfish people will be glad to take this kind of love, which can really do a number on you.

[Mr. Cactus]

But if you are one of those courageous and rare people where love is about giving and not about receiving, then go for it.

 

I really do so wish I could be like that. If I was, I would still be friends with the woman I love.

 

But it's a risky world; lots of selfish people will be glad to take this kind of love, which can really do a number on you.

 

Yes it is But sometimes the other person might not fully realise they are doing this to you, because they just cannot put themselves in your shoes - at least not until they happen to be on the receiving end themselves one day.

 

I think the most upsetting phrase someone has ever told me is: "I love you very dearly, you are a great friend".

[btbt]

Of course, people often don't realize what they are doing, especially when they are hurting someone. By saying that people are selfish, I'm not saying they are malicious and cruel, but they (we) are somehow trained to watch out for ourselves first. So when that comes into conflict with someone else's needs, guess who wins!

 

You are giving a lot of credit to this person (she doesn't realize she is selfish). That, again, is admirable and shows how giving you are. But if the giving hurts you, which I think it is, you might want to consider pulling back a little bit.

[volution]

The pain of Unrequited Love, is the worst pain in the world. Worse than being burnt alive....

Again and again, this is all I have known in my life. My real name is Don Quixote...