I just don't seem to be able to get past this :-(

[Wimpy]

and I know it's holding me back.

 

It's nearly 11 weeks and I know that if I take a moment to look backwards I've come a long way down the road to healing but I keep getting stuck on the "why" and "how could he do this".

 

I don't understand how someone who tells you how much they care and how much they don't want to hurt you, ends up doing just that. Since my ex broke up with me in an e-mail (see earlier posts for all the details) he's made not one attempt at contact to see if I'm alive or dead. He's neither done this directly or indirectly (via mutual friends).

 

He's now back in his home country and probably getting on with his life as I'm trying to get on with mine but the anger, hurt and general lack of closure and the frustration I feel is so hard to deal with.

 

How can someone do THAT to another person

 

I just don't get it.

 

I know "closure" is down to me and something only I can achieve. I know it's stupid to expect some kind of apology for what he did/the hurt he caused me. I know I should just forget it but it's so hard. It makes me feel so desperate and like I'm never going to fully get over this and that makes me even sadder.

 

This weekend is a big event we both were at together last year. It's important for me to attend but I just don't want to go when he's not going to be with me. All of this is fine for him back with his family, friends and in a country with NO memories associated with me.

 

I feel like such a fool saying "it's just not fair" .... but it just isn't.

 

Why did he do what he did and when, calmly and non-aggressively I wrote to tell him how much what he'd done had hurt me, he choose to do nothing.

 

Am I ever going to be able to move past this.

 

I thought I was doing so much better and this weekend and his date for him returning to the UK to graduate is looming too and it's becoming too much to bear.

[coolchick]

Wimpy,

I know how hard this is for you. Its the hardest thing in the world to forget someone who was such an important part of your life. But the way i am trying to imagine it just now is this....everyone has at one point lost a loved one in their lives, either it being through a relationship loss or a death. I look around me and see people go about their day to day lives with their husbands and friends. There's no way that every single person has met someone, fallen in love and lives happily ever after. Its only through the relationship failures that we truly appreciate the person that we end up spending the rest of our lives with. Your ex ended things with you over an email, hasnt even bothered contacting you or anything. Do you honestly want someone who is so self involved and inconsiderate in your life? You have to remind yourself of what he did to you. I know its so hard just now and that no words people say will take the pain away. Its only you who can focus on why you are so much better without him. Can you imagine if you had given up everything, gone to his country and had children? He would have walked away then aswell but instead leaving you helpless in another country with no one around you. Please think of that and remind yourself that this has happened for a reason. You sound like an amazing person and will eventually meet the person that is going to love you so much that they would never hurt you. Your past relationship will only make you appreciate and hold on to that love more than anything. Take care x

[TheBecksterKid]

Wimpy I feel your pain. About a year and a half ago I hooked up with my first love. We where the bestest friends for over a year before hand, and we seemed to share everything and have everything in common. I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me , we got engaged, planned on moving in together, He ment pretty much everything to me and I was emotionally attached to him and dependant. I loved him with all my heart more and more everyday, half a year went by and one day He just woke up and told me He was bored of me. I was devistated , for months. I can honestly say, that was the worst time of my life, I didn't feel the need to live anymore, I was emotionally destroyed. I understand how you feel, How could he do that? After all we shared how could he just out of the blue forget everything that happened between us and act as if I'm a nobody. I mean he didn't even give a crap about me, not even as a friend , he didn't care whether I was alive or dead, while I on the other hand think about him everyday and still do to this day. I feel I still love him and care about him, I will always have my heart out for him, even if he did pretty much destroy me. I just try not to think about him, its futile, and it gets me no where in being happy in life.

Whats worst about my experience is usualy when a couple breaks up they still care about each other somewhat, they still feel something for that person but it's just not working out, Thats the usual case, but with my so call ' love of my life' didn't even care, he didn't even like me as friends, or as a bf. Now thats pretty harsh.