So stressed out and hurt

[Cassyniner]

My bf of nearly 3 years broke up w/me 8 weeks ago, I am having a rough time of it... A couple of things that have made it hard is that he wouldn't give me a reason, and that we didn't actually separate until 10 days ago. He waited 2 weeks after he 'broke it off' to give me a 30 day notice that he was leaving. The entire 6 weeks that we still lived together, I was nice to him, because I didn't want to live in a war zone. We were almost like when we had first got together, going out several times a week, kissing and hugging hello and goodbye, sleeping close together at night, saying that we love each other. I knew all along that it was only going to be more difficult when he did leave, but I really love him and didn't want things to end badly for either of us. Because if the timing and things that have been said recently and in the past, my only guess for the reason would be his teen daughter. She and I used to get along fine, but a year and a half ago, she was visiting us from out of state, and I caught her stealing from me. There was never any confrontation between her and I, but she has hated me ever since for telling her dad. She has made derogatory comments about me since then, and last year said she would not visit him again if he still lives with me. My ex feels a lot of guilt towards this girl, she has a pretty crummy life, but has always refused to move in w/him, cause she would miss her friends. He has told me he can't discipline her, because he is afraid of losing her. Just a guess that that is the reason, though. Mostly because it seemed so difficult for him to leave. His last night there, when I came to bed he was crying. I asked what was wrong, and he hugged me hard for a long time. I know in my head that I am better off without this situation, but it still doesn't feel that way in my heart. I am going through all the typical stuff, trouble sleeping, eating, fanasizing that it will all work out, blah blah. I hate this!!! I have been keeping NC, but he e-mailed two days after he left saying he still had things at the house to pick up, and that he was sorry that things ended the way they did, and that he does love me. I responded politely, and let him know when I would be gone and someone there to let him in. I ignored his comments about the relationship. He still has not retrieved his belongings and I dread the day when I will have to contact him to tell him I am throwing them out Saturday, and I need the past due rent or will have to sue him...God what a mess! I have tried so hard to maintain just a bit of dignity through this, and I wish he would not put me in the postion of being a nag! I am sooo fragile right now--I also found out a month to the day after he first broke up with me that I will be laid off at work in a few months--

[itry]

oh my goodness.. i am so sorry u are going through this. despite the reasons why ur ex broke it off with u... u ARE better off without that situation. i know he loves u and u love him but kids involved tend to make it a bit more complicated and involved.....

 

 

be strong.. as in keep busy. u are doing everything right and i have my own situation also and i know at times u feel like ur just going to collapse... its ok to cry. last night i drove around and around and parked in the middle of nowhere to cry for a half an hour... ull have moments like that but just know that it gets easier with time. i know that sounds so cliche....

 

just take everything as it comes. try to think of something hurtful u went thruogh 5-10yrs ago... and come to the realization that that part of ur life is over... this part will come and go too.

[Cassyniner]

Thanks for the support! I did go through a very bad break-up 6 years ago, and though I did everthing wrong at the time, (I let him keep contacting me and stringing me along for a year) I did eventually get over it. It took so long though, I was severely depressed for almost two years, I SO do not want to go through that again. I think I will get a part time job, that will help keep me busy and help out with the financial stress I now find myself in... though it is really hard to think about doing that when it seems to take every bit of energy I have just to get through the day working one job. I am exhausted and feeling so sick all the time.

[itry]

what area of work are u involved in?

[Cassyniner]

I am an adimistrative asst. I could have kept my job, but it would have required that I move to the other side of the country. It was very tempting to cut and run, and put 3 thousand miles between me and the ex, but at the end of the day, I have a home here I love, and grown kids and a grandchild, that I would miss terribly. The part that really sucked was that I had 2 weeks to make my choice, and had to turn in my decision the same day ex was moving out.

[Cassyniner]

I have been sitting here feeling so bad today, and my ex just e-mailed that he wants to go by the house tomorrow and pick up the rest of his stuff It is what I wanted, I can't stand looking at it, and I can't feel strong about NC when I'm just wondering when he will contact me about it, or will he leave it to me to try and force the issue. But GAWD!! It hurt so bad just to see his name pop up in my inbox...I think this will be me tonight--

[Cassyniner]

Rather an interesting twist last night--My daughters came back from the grocery store, and said "Guess who we saw"--I guessed my ex, it wouldn't be all that unusual. He doesn't live near anymore, but still works in the neighborhood. Well I was half right, it was an ex, just not the recent one, it was the one from 6 years ago, coincidentally by the same name. (Note to self: STOP DATING GUYS WITH THAT NAME!) LOL! Anyway he asked how I was doing the girls said great, (good for them). I asked them if he had gotten old, fat and bald--they said no mom, he looks just the same. Of course he does!! Why would all the pain he put me through cause a single line on his face? For a bit I was afraid that seeing my daughters would cause this guy to call me. Back when I was trying to get over him, it took a lot less than that--he'd call if he heard a song that reminded him of me. It made the healing so difficult! I wish I'd known then...

As for the new ex--he's picking up the rest of his stuff today. I had to leave him a note telling him how much he owes for the storage fees through last night, I typed that up all nice and official. But then I also wrote a long rambly, handwritten letter telling him how I felt about some things. Weirdly, my handwriting was different from paragraph to paragraph, it looked like mulitple personality disorder. But that's kind of how I'm feeling now. I read the letter again this morning before leaving it for him, and I may come accross as pathetic, but if that's the case so be it. Maybe he should know how much damage he has caused--in any case I don't expect or want an answer, I just needed to get a few things off my chest...Back to my screwed up life...