lost part of myself.

[nothingschanged]

I started dating the girl of my dreams two years ago. I had known her for a good six years before we started dating. It was like a dream come true for me... or so I thought.

 

I had a good relationship for a while. About 4 months into it things got worse. We started arguing a lot over her letting her exboyfriend stay at her house for a while. Bad arguments, that lead nowhere, she was unreasonable. She also has one friend from work who always seemed fishy. All my instincts told me she was cheating on me. It was very painful. I was finally able to confront her about the friend from work. She insisted that they were just friends and that they had only hung out a few times. She told me she would do every thing to make me happy and make me trust her.

 

fastforward a year later, we are living together everything seems great. We still argue sometimes, but nothing out of the ordinary. I really think I with the person I'll be spending my life with. It was good, I thought I was with the woman who would mother my children. It seemed I had what I always wanted from another person. She really did a good job of making me thing she loved me and cared about me.

 

Well one night she is out with some friends. She calls me and says she is a little drunk, and needs to sober up before she drives home. A few hours later she calls and says she kept drinking and was going to sleep over at a girlfriends house. She keeps telling me how much she loves me and how she is going to come home early to see me before work.

 

When she comes home the next morning the first thing she does is go take a shower. When she comes back something is strange, I see something in her that I know is not right. We start fighting and it gets really bad, she admits to nothing and just says I'm jealous and crazy. After a few hours I tell her to just leave me. She says ok. Then says that she does not want to leave me. She tells me that she ran into her old friend from work. Then she tells me she made out with him at the bar. It comes out that she had also made out with him a few times in the past.

 

I was devistated. I did not eat or sleep for days. I had never been that depressed in my whole life. The girl I love more than anything has cheated on me. I thought well she has been depressed and seems like she is sorry and really loves me. I agree to try to work it out. I tried one last time to get the whole truth. I did not believe that she only made out with him.

 

Eventually after multiple times of her saying she never slept with him, she admitted to sleeping with both in the past and that night. on top of that she had unsafe sex. But she had remained true to me for the last year. It was a slip up. She was depressed and drunk and felt trapped so she did it again.

 

Well since we broke up, she started hanging out with him again. At the same time she was telling me that she was not ever going to see him again. She was talking about how much she wanted to see me and how much she missed me at the same time she was doing him. This whole I'm not going to see him again lie has resurfaced a few more times.

 

I've chosen now to not trust or expect anything from her.

 

Now I feel broken. Its been many months now. I'm still almost as depressed as I was when it happened. My whole world just rocked right to the core. I feel totally alone, and unline other times of being alone and lonely, I don't really feel like I could even have a relationship now. I don't think I can feel this pain again. I don't know how I could open myself up, to trust and have security.

 

I can look back and know the signs were there. The only comfort is that I know now to follow my instincts. I just wish I could feel happy. I still cry just about every day. I ran into some friends the other night whom I had not seen in a while, they asked me how my girl was. It is such a horrible thing to have to answer. It is painful for me and my friends cant help but feel empathy which makes them sad which makes me even more sad.

 

So I ramble on. I hope on day I will wake up and feel ok. I hope one day I will meet a girl and be able to trust her and myself.

 

thanks for reading.

[doblersdream]

My (now ex) wife cheated on me 2 years ago, so I know how you feel. If you need to chat on MSN, feel free ;

 

email removed

[BabyGirl16]

You are basically telling me that you are in pain, and feel betrayed and hurt by someone that you love and put you trust into, someone that you felt could be your all and all. I can't start to tell you how many people I've trusted and loved have betrayed me. It almost seemed as if it is something that I was destined for.(To be betrayed and never to find true love) So for a while I started to build a barrier around me and my heart. I started to keep people away from me. Personally, that's not the solution. That's not the missing piece to the puzzle. Every deserves love and deserves the chance at finding love. Look at life and each situation as an experience. God is preparing you for something more amazing and more wonderful than you thought she was. Remember everything happens for a reason. Keep faith and remember there is a better reward in the end. . .......... and remember, you will get through the pain. and then use that experience to make you stronger.

[EternalGrace]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. Your heart has been shattered more than once by the person you thought to be your future wife. As you seem to have found, it won't be easy to deal with. It'll take time before your emotional scars will completely heal. Once they have healed, and you feel like you can face the world again, something wonderful will happen. You'll become smitten with another woman that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Life has strange ways, strange methods of teaching. It'll continue to throw curve balls at you, but it's all part of the growing experience. I don't know of a single person who doesn't wish that life's lessons would be simple and painfree.