The Trend of Early Personal Questions in Dating: Are They Appropriate?

[smackie9]

I think these men don’t want to have their time wasted so they get right to it. Since you find these questions intrusive  and you are not interested in a committed relationship at this time you should come to the conclusion they are not looking for  the same thing. Makes sense to just cut them off or maybe yourself be more proactive in expressing your expectations right out of the gate. 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 hours ago, yogacat said:

The few men that I have met in my life, commented how "intriguing" I was and they just want to learn more.

I am not so sure if intriguing is the right word to describe it, but I wonder if it is a line so to speak or just for them to continue the conversation, or maybe it is just their way of saying something nice. I am not sure.

Well since these men actually called you "intriguing" then it was the right word and they found you intriguing.

It's no secret that a bit of mystery, the unknown, a feeling of uncertainty can be highly appealing and attractive to certain people.  Intriguing.

Heavily guarded people tend to be be naturally mysterious, it causes others to fill in the blanks and have a deep desire to solve the puzzle. 

For others it can feel frustrating but still intriguing but only for a short time.  After that it becomes boring and a turn off..

I've experienced that with some men and they've experienced with me!  

So imo it's not always about them being interested in you specifically or developing a committed relationship but rather they simply want to to solve the puzzle. 

Once they solve it, they can become bored, uninspired, the mystery is gone and they move on to their next puzzle..

For me, my nature is very changeable naturally, it's not a game, I don't intend to be mysterious but my moods and emotions do tend to fluctuate and it takes a very strong man to not become overly frustrated and attempt to understand it.

Always be YOU. Your true authentic self.

If you don't feel comfortable answering what you perceive to be intrusive questions, then don't.  

I still haven't figured out how to handle this gracefully, my responses range from changing the subject, telling them I'm not comfortable answering, exiting the conversation or situation to flat out ghosting. 

In any event, good luck whatever you decide! 

[yogacat]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Always be YOU. Your true authentic self.

That is my true authentic self.

8 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

For others it can feel frustrating but still intriguing but only for a short time.  After that it becomes boring and a turn off..

Nah, my long term relationships made mention of this too and it was me that ended them because they weren't fulfilling enough for me. I may still have this tendency but it's not as profound as when I was younger and I do share more now but I still get referred to as inscrutable.
 

[rainbowsandroses]

18 minutes ago, yogacat said:

That is my true authentic self.

Nah, my long term relationships made mention of this too and it was me that ended them because they weren't fulfilling enough for me. I may still have this tendency but it's not as profound as when I was younger and I do share more now but I still get referred to as inscrutable.
 

Oh I hear ya, men don't typically get bored with me either because again my nature is naturally very changeable and therefore I can go from being very open at times to very closed and guarded.  Even after years together, they were never quite able to figure me out.  Which apparently they found "intriguing."

If I was always guarded and closed, that is when boredom may occur for some people not all.

It could go the other way too, if one is always open and predictable, boredom may occur for some people.

It happened to me recently with a man I had been quite hot for.  He was extremely guarded and I was intrigued and wanted to unravel the mystery. 

After awhile however I became bored with it and turned off.  I blocked and deleted. 

I dunno perhaps men are different because in my experience they are natural problem solvers and when encountering a puzzle they can't solve, it becomes their mission in life to solve it! Lol

I know you're always your authentic self yoga, I didn't mean to suggest otherwise, just making a comment. 😀

 

 

[mylolita]

I have never been called mysterious and intriguing and feel quite left out here… 😆

 

@yogacat what you do and who you are obviously works - I don’t know you but my impression is you are deep, sweet, extremely kind and attentive and you may appear like an iceberg with a lot underneath! 
 

I think with dating it seems just coming across the right match for us is the hard part - that’s cupids arrow right there! 💘 

 

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