The woman I have been talking to for years finally told me the truth

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Crawfords Wine said:

If the genders were reversed, there'd be outrage, and rightly so.

This is also true. Society watches the cases where perpetrator is female with different eyes. Even the ones where its obvious rape case like women teachers seducing 14-15 year old boys. If the genders were reversed, most of them wouldnt have a problem calling even those cases out. But because its a teen boy, and he is horny by design, everybody wants to just high five him for having sex with older hot woman lol

[Andrina]

12 hours ago, HybridSymbiote said:

Initially when we first started dating she did plan to come and see me, but I ruined that because I stopped being with her due to my insecurities.

Hybrid, There is a clear pattern seen on this forum from other posters like you who falsely feel an emotional safety in cyber romance versus a real-life, local social life. The people who solely use the barrier of a screen and technology for romance, always LDRs, usually are insecure, feel like they lack resiliency, have emotional baggage from past cheating or family dysfunction, have low self-esteem, feel socially awkward, etc.

And then the poster ends up here, emotional wrecks, because their cyber partner has so many toxic issues, aren't who they said they were, etc. There is no way to find happiness among all this dysfunction.

It's time for you to take a break from the computer. You're not going to be successful in romance until you spend quite a bit of time on building a healthy, local social life. Working on being resilient to handle any of life's normal stressors. Creating a happy life solo for yourself, which will eventually be really attractive to a future mate. A woman is attracted to a man who will expand her life, not make it smaller. If all your leisure time is spent in your bedroom on your computer, that's a red flag. I'm not saying that's what you do, but guiding you out of what you believe is a safe space (it's not).

Are you in college? If so, there are clubs you can join that appeal to you. If you're not in college, there are still plenty of clubs/hobbies/interests you could be passionate about. Start looking into something to join. If you're an introvert, that might be challenging to you, but it's okay to feel nervous and not confident when trying something new. It's normal. And then you'll feel proud of yourself for getting out there and doing something good for yourself. I know I was always excited to experience new things that a date would share with me about his own interests. In my life, that included: watching velodrome bicycle races, watching stock car races, seeing the family's bird farm, going to concerts for entertainers I hadn't formerly listened to but then became a fan of.

Read some books on building resiliency, social skills, and a better self-esteem. There will be skills you can practice. Be proactive now and your future self will thank you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.