should I hold hands with her?

[Massari]

hey all.. today I am going out on a date... we met eachother through a friend. we went out on a few acassions in a groupe.. I have asked her out 3 -4 days ago to go watch a movie with me today and yesterday she asked me to come to my university's library to study with her( which I hope is a godo signe) when she sees me she kisses me on chick. so we're gonna study today and go see Mr and Mrs Smith today .. (for the first time the two of us) I have been thinking about 2 things mainly..

 

1st should I get her one rose? and give it to her either in the beginning or when I drop her off at her place.

 

2nd should I hold her hands or she would do that herself..

 

thank you all.. I and kinda nervouse about these two!

[punchy504]

of course get her a flower, that is a wonderful way to start a date

 

and if it feels right, of course hold her hand

 

good luck

[Day_Walker]

1. No

 

2. No

 

If you look at the relationship that you two have, it seems that you are just in the beginning stages. I wouldnt start by getting her a rose. Think about what you are doing, in effect you are trying to win her over with a gift, instead you should be winning her over with your personality.

 

If you do want to make some kind of gesture then I would suggest the holding hands as opposed to getting her a rose. Its a judgement call because you are going to have to live with the consequences of your actions. Instead of focusing on things like this the idea should to be have fun with her.

[punchy504]

I respectfully disagree day walker- it's not about winning her over, and he's not asking if he should get her a dozen, a flower, even something other than a rose is just a very sweet gesture, not bribing, not indicative of any type of commitment, just a sweet gesture.

 

also they have been out a few times with others, now is their first "date", the flower helps set it apart.

 

the holding hands thing is either way, if they fell like it, they should, if not there is nothing wrong with putting it off for another time

[Day_Walker]

punchy504,

 

I am concerned with how the rose will be perceived by this girl, is it a sweet gesture, yes but also, it could be too much too soon. If he doesnt get her a rose I dont feel that it would hurt his position but if he does then if she thinks its too much too soon then he is doomed. Not getting her a rose is the safe play. Of course he can get her a rose and it could turn out okay.

[chai714]

1st should I get her one rose? and give it to her either in the beginning or when I drop her off at her place.

 

2nd should I hold her hands or she would do that herself..

 

No. Save the flowers for later. This is the first date. No need to scare the fish away before they get to see the bait. NOT getting her a rose on the first date is a safer play. You want to set the atmosphere to be more neutral. Nervousness will be a default emotion on the first date, and bringing a rose may add more unnecessary pressure. A rose is a romantic gesture. You don't make any romantic gestures on a first date.

 

As for holding hands, you'll have to be able to read her body language. If you go to a crowded place where you're walking through the crowd, reach out your hand to her and walk with her through the crowd "so that you don't lose her." See what I mean? Otherwise, when you're walking with her, walk close to where your hand will touch hers. If yours and her hands touch a few times and she does not resist, grab it and hold it. You can get a pretty good feel for things once you start becoming aware of her body langauge.

[punchy504]

I agree day walker- not getting a flower will not hurt anything

[elila]

And if you do decide to get her a flower later, why not something more unique than a rose? For example, if she says she loves purple, a purple flower.

Roses are nice, but she might not want to carry it around or accidently crush it during the movie.So maybe it'd be better on a date for dinner, where she can set it down at the table.

[Massari]

thank you all so much,, the date went ok I think, she talked about some places she said we should go.(future dates I t hink).. when I parcked the car we got out of the car and started walking toward the theatre she reached for my hand (it was nice).. we went in .. during the movie I reched for her hand,, she didn't resist we held hands for a while..then she wanted to pickup the pop cornt bucket from the floor.. she let go of my hands and didn't reach for it.. in the car on the way back we didn't hold hands either..so I dropped her off at her place.. and a hug an a nice kiss.. not on the lips. so I dunno if things went bad or this is ok... any ideas would help me clear my mind,.. thanx alot

[chai714]

Max,

Things went fine. Relax, smile, and breathe. She talked about future dates. You're cool . . . just relax.

[Massari]

can you believe it.. cause I can't.. today we talked on MSN.. she says she had a great time and thanx for the movie .. then she says that she just wann abe friends, she thinks I am not mature for her.. I am 22 and she is 19!!!! it hurts... you are being nothing but nice to the girl and the she is like crap crap crap.. what the hell is this..I mean if she doens't lik me .. whe did she hold hands in the first place... befor the date my friends calls me and she is like.. things are more then ok she definitely likes you and now this .. I can't take this rejection like this sucks.. when it doesn't make sense

[chai714]

Max,

It's ok. It was only one date. Be glad you didn't have years invested in her to only feed you a line like, "I love you, but am not in love with you." Believe it or not, these kinds of things happen everyday. Meanwhile, you're going to have to "bounce" when something like this happens. What I mean by this is act like you hit a wall, and just bounce off.

 

Also consider working on your "game" so to speak. Humans don't always want someone who is so agreeable. The reason I say this is that you said you were, "nice nice nice." Also, check out this site for more info on other love tactics. link removed

Good luck, and pm me if you need more help.